
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1129269.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Underage, Graphic_Depictions_Of
      Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con
  Category:
      Multi
  Fandom:
      Homestuck
  Relationship:
      Gamzee_Makara/Karkat_Vantas, Gamzee_Makara_&_Karkat_Vantas, Sollux
      Captor/Feferi_Peixes, Sollux_Captor_&_Aradia_Megido, Rose_Lalonde/Kanaya
      Maryam, Terezi_Pyrope/Dave_Strider, Gamzee_Makara/Terezi_Pyrope, Aradia
      Megido/Equius_Zahhak
  Character:
      The_Trolls_(Homestuck), Beta_Kids, Gamzee_Makara, Tavros_Nitram, Karkat
      Vantas, Dave_Strider, Rose_Lalonde, Sollux_Captor, Terezi_Pyrope, Kanaya
      Maryam, Vriska_Serket, Equius_Zahhak, Nepeta_Leijon, Feferi_Peixes,
      Eridan_Ampora, Aradia_Megido
  Additional Tags:
      Xeno, Tentabulges, Bulges_and_Nooks, Nooks, Nook_Eating, Flushed_Romance
      |_Matesprits, Caliginous_Romance_|_Kismesis, Pale_Romance_|
      Moirallegiance, Moirails_With_Pails, Pailing, Anal_Sex, Masturbation,
      Voyeurism, Accidental_Voyeurism, Hormones, Pheromones, Ashen_Romance_|
      Auspistice, Hivebent, Meteor, Established_Relationship, Developing
      Relationship, Squee, Squick, Doomed_Timelines, Alternate_Universe_-_Canon
      Divergence, Tags_Are_Hard, Other_Additional_Tags_to_Be_Added, Time
      Shenanigans, Drunken_Shenanigans, The_Author_Regrets_Nothing, Awkward
      Sexual_Situations, Awkward_First_Times, Quadrant_Vacillation, Quadrant
      Confusion, can_i_make_my_own_tags?, Oh_yes_I_can, Eridan_is_a_pervert, we
      already_knew_that, uhhh..._nook_birthing?_its_really_kind_of_strange,
      Fiduspawn, yeah_those_last_two_are_related, Extremely_Dubious_Consent
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-01-10 Updated: 2014-09-07 Chapters: 24/? Words: 42910
****** The Land of Buckets and Shenanigans ******
by ukelala
Summary
     PLEASE NOTE THE NEW TAGS, NEXT CHAPTER 23 HAS TRIGGER WARNINGS LIKE
     WHOA.
     Relationships are hard. Being a teenager is hard. And controlling
     hormones is damn near impossible when you cant get away from thirteen
     other people in the same situation.
     Contains much pornography, many surprising relationship developments,
     many more unsurprising relationship developments, and some more porn.
     Canon-typical levels of violence and murder. Assume canon up until
     the end of act 5. Please, also assume that every chapter Eridan is in
     might squick you out. Equius might have the same effect.
     Chapters are titled with whichever character's POV they are written
     in however I like. Chapters are somewhat nonlinear.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
***** Boredom is always the start of every bad idea *****
Chapter Notes
     I originally wrote this first chapter as a one-shot. I was filling my
     craving for some GamKar, and I felt like there was more story after
     it was over. So twenty-some chapters later, I'm still writing this
     one. This first chapter stands alone pretty well, IMHO. Please enjoy.
Gamzee stared at the walls of his room for quite some time. He’d been honking
before that, putting his horn up against different items, and marveling at how
it made the sound softer or louder. It made him giggle to hear the honks
echoing from within the pail in the corner of his room, but Karkat started
thumping on the shared wall, screaming something about twenty five minutes and
trying to sleep. Brother kinda sounded uptight, and well, moirails help each
other out. Dunno what the problem was, but he seems fine now. After
contemplating the miracle of having functional load gapers despite everything
they’d been through, it seemed like there was nothing left to do. At least, not
in here, anyway, motherfucker.
Gamzee got up and sort of danced around his room, dodging the pile of horns,
and opened the door between his and Karkat’s respiteblocks. That grumpy
motherfucker was all tuckered out, sleeping on a really miserable looking pile
of …programming manuals? That shit’s all kinds of lumpy, with all those books
bein’ different sizes and all. He must’ve been really tired to have fallen
asleep like that. Wonder if he’s dreaming yet?
“..hey bro. Whatcha dreaming about, motherfucker? :o)”
Nothing. That guy’s out COLD. Gamzee gave him a poke in his scrunched up crabby
little face. That didn’t even interrupt his steady breathing. He stood there
zoning out for a minute or while, and got a great idea. He carefully picked his
limp friend out of the uncomfortable heap, and went back to his room. When your
friend has needs, you got to do your best to meet them, even when he’s too
polite to ask. He petted that sulky little frame in a totally platonic way.
Gamzee was beaming with pride as he unceremoniously deposited Karkat in his
super comfy, squishy pile of horns.
Karkat screamed a lot.
“Hey, bro, what’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?” Gamzee twisted the cap off
of his beverage of choice, and looked with concern at his best friend. Karkat
was spitting mad and babbling incoherently. Maybe he was having another panic
attack? He sat down in the pile next to his moirail, honking only a few of the
inhabitants it contained.
“It’s cool, motherfucker. You can talk to me about it; ain’t nobody here but
us. Shhhooosh, maybe?”
“AARGH WHY AM I AWAKE?! I WAS FINALLY HAVING A NOT AWFUL DREAM; ONE THAT I
DON’T CARE TO TELL YOU ABOUT, FOR YOUR INFORMATION. HOW THE FUCK DID I GET OVER
HERE ANYWAY? DON’T YOU SHOOSH ME, THIS IS PROBABLY SOMEHOW THE WORK OF YOUR
BULLSHIT WHIMSY…“ Karkat shifted around. “This is much better than the pile in
my room.”
“You’re free to all sleep in my pile anytime, motherfucker. You don’t even
gotta ask. It’s big enough to share.” Gamzee brushed the hair from Karkat’s
bleary eyes, and stroked his face until his eyelids grew heavy again. “If you
go back to sleep now, you might catch the same bubble.“
“Yeah, ok… just please don’t call it… a…miracle…” Karkat fell back asleep, and
Gamzee settled into the pile, and slammed his wicked elixir. Who’s the best
moirail? This guy, definitely. His eyes wandered around the room. Eh, he kind
of made a mess today… or maybe it was always there? Oh no, since when was the
pail from the corner part of the horn pile? No, that’s not cool. Karkat is
totally uptight when he sees one of those things. But, everybody knows a
troll’s got needs! Better make sure it stays on the far side, at least.
Karkat’s usually upset about things, but waking up with his face inches from a
bucket might ruin that totally peaceful slumber thing he’s got going on right
now. Gamzee stuck his hand down his pants and scratched himself. Hmm… sure.
What’s a bored motherfucker to do, really? Already got the bucket, anyway. His
hand dove in deeper and fingered the soft, wrinkled skin of his seedflap. He
relaxed into the pile, and spread his legs a bit as his tentabulge began to
unfurl and swell. He felt its length rest against his thigh, twitching
involuntarily to announce its eager state. Gamzee glanced over at his friend,
curled up and oblivious. Good, not bothering him in the least. He closed his
eyes, and spread his legs further, smearing a finger across the dampened
entrance of his nook. His tentacle curled back along itself, and he rolled the
tip between his thumb and forefinger, moistening it with his nookslime. He
tossed his head back with a contented sigh as the delicate tip of his bulge
penetrated slowly into his moist cavity.
*Absolutely everyone knows not to try putting your tentacle in your own nook.
It’s not good for you, and it really counteracts the instinct to fill your
quadrants! Besides, most trolls could only hope to be so well endowed, and
flexible, so most laugh it off as completely impossible anyway. But, with a
lusus that wasn’t always around, sometimes those private, touchy subjects for a
coming-of-age troll went completely by the wayside. Like this one. Anyhoo.
Gamzee bit his lip against ragged breathing as he inched his way inside. It
might be fun to try and drag this out a bit; it could be so hard to make it
last. Each tingle of pleasure was amplified twofold, and when one organ reached
its climax, the spasming joy would expend the second one quickly thereafter.
Instead of playing with the base of his tentabulge, he withdrew his hand and
twisted it into his hair. He crossed his legs, forcing his bulge deeper inside.
He smiled at the sublime feeling of dueling pulses within his tangled crotch,
and rocked his hips, bobbing the root of his tentacle against his thigh. The
movement it produced inside him felt less controlled, more foreign. Maybe this
is what doing it with someone else feels like? He began a slow, deliberate
rhythm, bobbing his hips shallowly at first, then more vigorously as the
familiar sensations began to build. Face flushed and lips parted, the purple
blood rushing in his ears drowned out the soft, steady tootling of the
enthusiastic pile cradling his lusty body.
Karkat, however, heard everything.
“…Gamzee?”
Gamzee froze at the sound, and sort of tried to act casual. He leaned on his
elbow with a startlingly loud honk. It’s not like anybody could tell what he’s
doing. Just a dude chillin’ on his pile while his best bro naps.
“Honk, honk, motherfucker! You sleep good?”
“Gamzee… I’m not gonna lose my shit over this, but I can leave if the two of
you would like to be alone. It’s cool, palebro.” Karkat sounded… Sad?
Miserable? Gamzee couldn’t quite place it. “I didn’t know you had another
quadrant filled, but… it sounds like you’re doing something I shouldn’t be here
for. I’ll just see myself out.”
Busted! And, now he’s got some explaining to do. Think fast, Gamzee.
“You must be imagining things, brother. I didn’t all hear nothing. Maybe you’re
all havin’ a dream about a special someone, and maybe you were touching
yourself in your sleep, bro. I’ll bet that’s what you heard. It’s whatever, I
won’t tell nobody.”
“WHAT?!” That sounded like the normal Karkat. Flustered and angry. “Hell no was
I doing that! My hands are both up here by my face. How the fuck could they be
secretly fondling me from way up here?”
“Maybe your tentacle just all like, helped itself to your nook, bro.” That’s
right; just turn it around on him. He’ll get upset, drop the subject, and go
back to sleep. Or, storm out, and Gamzee could just finish up while he calmed
down, and go chill with him and talk about feelings or something. Or…
Karkat laughed, and rolled over in the horn pile to face Gamzee.
“Oh, you were joking the whole time! God, I haven’t heard that one for a
sweep,” he sighed deeply, then continued. “I was… dreaming about Terezi, and
whatever you were doing sounded like… um, like you were getting it on in the
horn pile… and I think I got kind of jealous. You know, now that she likes
Dave…” Karkat coughed a bit. “That sounds so perverted, I’m embarrassed I even
said it. Don’t tell anybody, ok?”
Oh, shit, we’re gonna talk about feelings now? Shit.
“...but, what the fuck are you doing over there, anyway?”
Shit. This totally backfired, and now he’s stuck three minutes to orgasm with
his best bro lusting after his secret kismesis. His tentacle flicked at the
mention of her name, and he bit his lip hard not to make a noise. He looked up
to see Karkat mere inches away, his eyes all round and honest and full of the
troll disease called friendship. That look turned suspicious, then scornful as
he observed the scandalous look Gamzee wore.
“You.” Shit, shit, shit. It’s all over. His best bro is gonna kill him over
that stupid broad, and he can’t even run away properly. Fuck, what a way to
die.
“OH, my god, you’ve been playing with yourself! HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME? You’re
lying there with your bucket and your slimy fucking hand…I think I’m gonna
throw up! What the FUCK? I was sleeping RIGHT NEXT TO THAT!” Karkat’s freaking
out again. All that pleasant napping, gone down the drain. A moirail’s job is
never really done, is it?
“Hey, now, brother. A troll’s got needs, you know. Ain’t nothing wrong with
that. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ll stop.” AAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG. Honk. :o(
Karkat sat in silence for a moment. Rare, that. He heaved a sigh, and rolled
onto his back with a few honks. His gaze shifted to somewhere on the ceiling.
“You really mean that, bro?” There was that weird tone again… uncertainty! That
was it, definitely.
“Sure, bro.” Twitch, cringe. “I’ll stop.” Gamzee slowly withdrew his
tentabulge, the wet organ sticking to the thin fabric of his pants. His nook
spasmed in protest, letting out a tiny squelching sound as it relinquished the
last of its counterpart. He shifted a little to hide the sound in a honk.
“…no. I meant about how it’s not wrong to… have needs, and that you wouldn’t
tell anybody?” Oh, whoa, still talking about honesty and feelings…and… wait,
what?
“Because…I totally have a huge wakeup wiggler right now.” Karkat covered his
face with his hands. Oh. Gamzee glanced at Karkat’s ill-fitting pants. Yep,
he’s being honest. Looking at it made Gamzee’s bulge throb, and he sighed. It
demanded attention.
“You want to take care of that, bro? I can stay on this side, and you can have
that side, and we’ll just do our thing.” Unexpected, but acceptable. Anything
was, really, as long as it was soon. Karkat didn’t respond, but took the
invitation with an uncharacteristically shy nod, honking the pile with the
motion. Gamzee turned in response to the sound, and had a full view of his
friend. Karkat unzipped his pants and coaxed his tentacle from them, rosy
tipped, and modest in size. He stroked its length, seemingly unaware of
Gamzee’s stare. He swirled his finger in the crimson dew gathered at the
squirming tip, then wrapped his fingers around it, and slowly pulled his hand
down the full length, squeezing against its tapered girth. His slim fingers
dipped below, and from the breathy moan, Gamzee guessed that their destination
was Karkat’s nook. Shit. That’s kind of hot. His hand wandered between his
legs, and he rubbed his shameglobes through their polka dot captivity. This
party is back on, motherfucker.
Glossy candy apple fingers emerged, slicking their juices across supple gray
skin. Gamzee leaned forward, ready to watch Karkat’s tentacle slip into his
nook… but, it didn’t. Gamzee watched those shiny cherry fingers pump firmly
around Karkat’s twitching bulge, as his other hand reentered the moist opening
hidden from sight. Karkat mumbled to himself, working his fingers deeper
inside.
“Terezi...” he whispered as he filled himself, pausing in his motion to thumb
the tip of his bulge. It curled loosely around his fingers in response.
Gamzee’s nook throbbed again, and he pressed his fingers against Karkat’s lips
to silence him.
“Forget her, bro,” He cringed. Nothing hurts like keeping a secret from a
friend. Sort of a bulge killer, really.
“Gamzee…” Karkat breathed the name against his fingers, startled by the sudden
contact. He felt the tender skin and hard teeth as they pronounced the letters;
warm breath blowing across his cool fingers. The delicate sensation sent a
chill down his spine that carried straight though to his plump organ. He moaned
in surprise.
“…Gamzee?” He questioned the reaction, prompting another shudder. Gamzee looked
on with curious interest. His lips parted, and slowly invited the lilac
fingertips into his mouth, tracing them with his tongue, tasting them. Eyelids
fluttered shut, and he sighed in response. Motherfucker, that felt amazing.
Gamzee wanted that feeling all over, mostly on his bulge. Where did this guy
learn that kind of thing? He withdrew his damp fingers, and replaced them with
his tongue. Those same fingers now grasped his tentabulge, as if they could
transfer the feeling. Karkat’s eyes opened wide, and kissed back for a moment.
Gentle fingers pushed his face back, leaving faint red smears across smudged
grease paint. Gold eyes stared up at him, stunned. Uh oh. Karkat freaking out
in five, four, three…
“I …lied to you.” Karkat’s eyes searched Gamzee’s for a moment before looking
down at his hands, now folded across his lap.
“’Bout what? Don’t freak out, bro. You can tell me. I don’t judge,
motherfucker. :o)” Sorry, tentacle, looks like it’s feelings time again.
“It wasn’t Terezi I was dreaming about, you idiot clown,” Karkat mumbled, his
face as flushed as his confession. Oh. Never mind, tentacle, you just hang
tight for a minute.
“So that bitchtits show you were puttin’ on really was for me, motherfucker? I
thought it was somethin’ secret. Get back to it then, bro.”
“Wait, you were WATCHING ME? What the FUCK Gamzee?! …Wait, how is it you are
cool with this?” Karkat furrowed his brow, and kinda looked like he was going
to start yelling about the romantic repercussions of quadrant jumping, and
talking both of them out of this. Gamzee did not want to hear that. Kissing him
before he said anything else seemed like the best way to answer. So, he did. He
also reached down and squeezed the ruddy tentacle hidden below Karkat’s
fingers.
“Honk.” Karkat rolled his eyes, and smacked Gamzee’s hand away.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this...” He took a deep, shuddering breath, and
closed his eyes, his hands trembling.
Awww yeah, here we go, motherfucker. His bulge writhed in anticipation, and he
allowed it to slip along his leg, doubling back inside his neglected nook.
Karkat unfastened his pants and scooched up the pile to escape them, exposing
himself down to his thighs. He curled his fingers around his tapered member
and… stopped. What now, motherfucker? He leaned in to kiss the side of that
endearing grumpy face in encouragement.
“I… want to watch you too, Gamz. It’s not fair this way.”
“Ain’t much to see, but you got it, bro. I don’t do all this fancy stuff you’re
doing.” Gamzee kissed his lips lightly, and crawled closer, the heap below
announcing his approach. His baggy pants slipped away from his thin frame,
exposing his hips, threatening to remove themselves completely. Karkat reached
out and cautiously stroked the small bulge barely hidden by the flimsy
waistband. Gamzee smiled and sighed, encouraging Karkat. He kissed the tiny
mound before him. Gamzee relaxed into the pile, finding that he had a much
better view of Karkat’s nimble fingers, carefully tracing the delicate wrinkles
draped across his rosy bulge. It was kind of pretty, actually. He tugged his
pants away from the throbbing base of his organ, and Karkat traced along its
soft flesh, exploring its curve, following it to the cleft between his legs. He
let out a yelp as Karkat grasped his tentacle with a surprising firmness and
gave it a tug, sliding half of it from its happy home in its sibling organ.
“Damn, bro, what do you want to do that for? I’m not messin’ up your game…”
“WHAT. Is going on here…” It slipped out the rest of the way with a wet smack,
and landed against something warm. Gamzee turned his head to see Karkat wearing
a horrified face, and smudges of purple where his flicking tentabulge had freed
itself to. Karkat swatted it away.
“You can’t just lie around fucking yourself Gamzee!! That’s not even supposed
to be possible. You are seriously fucked up, you bulgehumping....freak of
nature! If you just give it to yourself, why would you even want anyone else?”
Gamzee watched the little veins bug out on his friend’s neck as his blood
pressure skyrocketed. Dunno why he got so upset over that, it’s not like he did
it to piss anyone off. It just seemed kind of… normal?
“… And how the fuck can you even move it like that?” Karkat was contorting the
springy purple appendage into strange shapes. “Doesn’t that hurt? Fuck, it’s
long enough to tie in a knot…” Long fingers grasped his wrist. Gamzee’s half
lidded gaze met Karkat’s appalled one with a smile.
“If you keep doing that, I’m gonna make a mess really soon. I won’t put it in
there anymore, if you don’t like it, but bro, you’re gonna have to give me a
better way.”
Gamzee winked at the bewildered face staring back at him, and turned his
attention back to his friend’s abandoned tentabulge. He dabbed the glossy
scarlet bead with his finger, tracing patterns against the sensitive skin, just
as he’d watched Karkat do. Karkat’s whole body responded to the touch. He
tossed his head, flushed cheek grazing the tentacle draped across sinewy thigh.
Lilac fingertips guided his hand back to its original task. His cool fingers
twined with ruddy tentacle and rosy digits alike, until Karkat teased at the
needy organ of his own accord. Gamzee carefully dipped his fingers into his
partner’s welcoming opening. Karkat cried out, and buried his face against
Gamzee’s lap, muffling repeated calls of his friend’s name. The lithe indigo
bulge flicked at the sudden contact. Karkat kissed it, encouraged by his
partner’s moan. Lips brushed the weeping, needy tip, and Gamzee froze again. No
way… Karkat slowly drew the organ into his mouth, grasping the base where he
could take no more. Motherfucking miracles.
Gamzee kissed every inch of skin his lips could reach, quietly moaning his
gratitude with each caress of that talented tongue. He added another finger
inside the cherry nook before him, and wrapped his lips around the trembling,
swollen tentacle. Karkat grunted as teeth grazed his skin. This was harder than
it looked. Gamzee, frustrated, reluctantly released the tentacle, unable to
return the favor to his friend. Hmm. Karkat withdrew the tentacle from his own
mouth with a slurp, and glanced at Gamzee, who had a positively devilish look
in his eyes.
“Fuck…don’t stop now! It’s good…” Karkat looked disappointed as the fingers
were quickly emptied from him. He looked embarrassed when Gamzee kissed the
throbbing entrance. Gamzee had no idea what look he wore once he filled Karkat
with his tongue. Teeth no longer part of the equation; he enthusiastically
thanked his partner for every flick of the tongue with a matching one. Candy
dipped fingers tugged a second rhythm on the squirming crimson bulge before
him. Karkat’s hand floated to his face as he moaned aloud. Aubergine tentabulge
plunged past lips and teeth easily as Karkat zealously resumed whatever magical
thing he was doing before. Muffled moans vibrated against the thick length,
bringing Gamzee to the brink of his own personal miracle. He groped frantically
for the pail. Karkat didn’t let him go; instead he grabbed one of Gamzee’s
horns and drove him deeper between his thighs. His free hand dragged the pail
across the pile, clinking against the metal horn flares. It was a fucking
miracle he made it in time. The pressure left his horn as warm fingers and even
warmer lips forced his thrashing bulge into the precariously balanced bucket.
Purple fluid emptied desperately into the pail mere inches from Karkat’s
stunned face.
Gamzee shuddered and felt the telltale spasms of Karkat’s cavity spilling over
into orgasm as well. He withdrew his tongue and kissed the fluttering entrance
lightly. Karkat was calling his name, and other things… but it felt so distant,
drowning in the waves of pleasure crashing over him. The waves felt so real, he
swore he could feel the sea spray. Karkat bit his lip and winced as he came all
over Gamzee’s face. He lethargically turned a surprised look to his angry
friend as he smudged red into his face paint absentmindedly.
“I warned you, stupid.” Karkat crossly dabbed at the mess with his sleeve. He
leaned forward and the pile shifted, sending both trolls tumbling down the heap
with a cacophony of honks. The pail wobbled, sloshed, and finally settled
miraculously upright with the most perverse wet metallic rattle. Gamzee wrapped
his arms around the smaller troll and hugged him ferociously before he had time
to complain. Mere moments passed before there was a loud knock at the door of
Karkat’s respiteblock.
“Wiill you 2top throwiing a tantrum, you pedantiic wriiggler?? II can’t iignore
a whole hour of that honkiing 2hiit. Plea2e tell me you diidn’t 2ign up for
that 2tupiid clown reliigiion.” The two trolls stared at each other silently as
the door of Karkat’s room opened. Karkat put a finger up to his lips to shoosh
his friend as the trickster stifled a giggle. Gamzee wiped his face in Karkat’s
hair.
“KK, ii know you’re over here. Quiit 2ulking already…” Sollux’s footsteps
shuffled to the open door between rooms. Karkat looked like he was going to
hyperventilate as Gamzee picked up a former pile member.
“HONK. :o)” The Cancer buried his face in his hands.
“Gamzee, II 2hould have gue22ed iit wa2 ju2t you. Have you 2een… .” He nearly
tripped over the purple sloshy bucket. His eyes skimmed the situation with
vision twofold.
“OH. You guy2 are …bu2y. Ii can 2ee thii2 i2 a bad tiime; II’ll come back,”
Sollux shot before dashing out of the room. He turned, stuck his head back
through the doorway, and looked Karkat in the eye.
“… and KK, don’t expect two ever hear the end of thii2.”
Karkat was blushing all the way to his ears as Gamzee squeezed him against his
chest, not so platonically this time. He petted the short, soft hair and rubbed
the nubby little horns nested within. Oh, hey, there sure is a lot of
motherfuckin… stuff? Goo? Gamzee never did settle on a good name to call that
stuff. It never really mattered when you dumped it down a shower drain. He kept
petting anyway. Karkat stopped shaking with anger and allowed himself to be
soothed by his friend. He relaxed his facepalmed hands, and as they fell to his
sides, he tapped a horn, producing the tiniest, indignant little honk.
“Maybe not the horn pile next time?” Karkat turned the thing over in his hands.
Gamzee busily scrubbed his face with the sleeve of his t-shirt.
“It can all be anywhere you want next time, dog. Like, maybe all up in the
ablution trap in ten minutes?” The huge grin he wore looked even more stupid
now that his face was mostly devoid of greasepaint.
“HELL NO.” Karkat rubbed his eyes. “I just woke up, and I’m tired again. Fuck
you.”
“But, bro, it’s your fault I all need to wash up. Can’t you at least give a
motherfucker a hand?" :o( No one can say no to a sad clown!
Karkat squinted at him. “Fine. I’ll help you wash your face. And maybe your
shirt. No, not your shirt. Just throw that away, I don’t think I could ever
look at you again thinking that might be the shirt you just smeared my spooge
all over. I tasted vomit in the back of my mouth just saying it now.”
“Whatever you say bro!” Gamzee trotted off to the bathroom, with his reluctant
friend in tow.
***** miind your own busiine22 *****
Karkat had no answer when Sollux returned an hour later, complaining that there
was no fucking hot water left. Why did he have to call it FUCKING hot water?
Was he just asking about it rhetorically? It didn’t help when Gamzee strolled
out of the bathroom wearing nothing but fresh face paint, a loosely draped
towel, and a big smile.
“Hey Solbro!” Gamzee waved, and the towel and the smile both slipped for a
moment. He fumbled to regain the towel, and the smile followed on its own.
Karkat facepalmed, his still-damp hair flicking droplets across his husktop
screen.
“Go put some pants on, Gamzee.”
“You got it, motherfucker! Honk!” He actually said the honk. Wtf.
As soon as he drifted out of the room, Sollux dropped his voice to a low
whisper.
“Um, so, liike, where diid he get tho2e ab2?”
“I will pop your eyes like little blue and red grapes if you check out my
moirail again, you lisping fuck.”
“Moiiraiil, riiiight. That’2 not what II 2aw wiith my fruiity 2eeiing orb2….”
“Can it and get lost before I show you your imminent death by my blades.”
“Oohh, 2en2iitiive, aren’t we? Twiice iin an hour must be a2 chaffiing a2 your
per2onaliity.”
“Says the guy who incessantly fondles himself…wait-I didn’t mate with him, and
certainly not twice. Did you block out that the bucket you oh-so-observantly
almost overturned had only one color in it? I helped him wash himself. It’s
nothing new. Otherwise he just spaces out and the water gets cold. Don’t you
ever bathe with Aradia?“
“ The water ii2 cold anyway! You don’t need two liie. II 2aw you huggiing your
bro with no pants on eiither of you. Ii diidn’t really care two double-check
your erotiic acce22oriie2 for veriifiicatiion.” Sollux coughed. “And no.
Nudiity ii2 over the liine for u2. Be2iide2, we triied changiing iin the 2ame
room and 2he ha2 really niice boob2. Liike, really niice.” He gestured with his
hands, approximating the size. “II’m sure you’ve notiiced two. Bathiing would
be really awkward. II don’t wanna do her, but …” Karkat frantically waved to
cut him off.
“Wow, ok, a ‘no’ would have sufficed. This is not a conversation about Aradia’s
grade-A vestigial chest humps. Gotcha, you guys have set strict guidelines on
acceptable behavior, which is totally normal for a longstanding
moiraillegiance. Pardon me for not having the time to sit and write a rulebook
with a retarded clown.”
“The poiint wa2…” Sollux continued, “That II don’t want two do her. Ever.
Becau2e II jus2t don’t. II don’t feel that way toward2 her. II don’t want two
waste my tiime banging her when we need two be 2ortiing out each other’2
problem2. Iit’2 clear two me. 2o… “ Sollux, paused, then decided to take a shot
at the gigantic trunkbeast in the room. “are you guy2 actually pale or
flu2hed?”
Karkat stared hard at his keyboard, his claw picking furiously at the semicolon
key as if the answers to his life were written on the underside of it. It
popped off and clattered across the tabletop. Sollux tamped his hand over it
and stared at him.
“Um, pink?”
“2ound2 liike you’re makiing 2hiit up. Ii don’t have two be 2ome 2ort of
romance nerd liike you two know that’2 not a quadrant. How long ha2 thii2 been
goiing on? And quiit that, a22hole.”
“It’s possible to start a relationship in one quadrant, then progress to
another.” Karkat replied automatically, prying up the space bar on one corner.
“Yeah, but you can’t ju2t 2traddle the liine! What’2 the matter, can’t play by
your own rule2, KK?”
“Fuck, Sollux. This literally just happened! Do I barge in while you’re taking
a fresh steaming shit on the load gaper and go on about how you have to fucking
flush it before you’ve even finished expelling it from your waste chute?”
“Thank2 for that beautiiful iimage. Now II know what you 2pend your day2
thiinkiing about.”
“Fuck you for that! I know I am the undisputed romance expert here, but give it
a break! I don’t know what to think! Do you think this is what I planned? Fuck
no. The universe has decided to make a clusterfuck mess out of yet another
aspect of my miserable existence. Nothing can ever be simple for Karkat Vantas!
I’m not so stupid as to think life can actually be like a goddamn movie,
Sollux. I already have an idiot clown with self-inflicted holes in his brain
for a moirail. If I’m ever lucky enough to have a matesprit and a kismesis at
the same time, they’ll probably freak out and kill each other rather than share
time with me, or worse, I’ll end up auspicizing between them, thusly nulling
both my concuspient quadrants…”
“Oh, that’2 what you iimagine? Beiing 2hared?”
“Oh, hell no, fuckass. Really, that’s what you’re gonna take away from this
talk? Do all those voices in your head make it too hard to listen? At least I
know you’re not trying to edge in on my pale quadrant, you insufferable dual-
natured bulgelicker.”
“2top, KK, 2top seducing me wiith your 2weet nothiing2, you troll Ca22anova.”
“Ok, this conversation is officially over. Get the fuck out of my room before I
throw you out, in pieces.”
“A2 iif you ever could, KK. II’m leaviing becau2e II want two.” Sollux opened
the door with a crackle of psionics for emphasis, and casually strode toward
the hallway.
“Wait! … Are we still fr-fri-“ Karkat wrung his hands, clutching the detached
spacebar nervously. It must be really hilarious how helpless he looked in the
face of his own fuckups.
“You a2k me that every tiime, nookfondler. Ye2. Goodbye.” Sollux left, shutting
the door behind him none too gently.
Karkat sat in the silence for a good long time. Long enough to figure out that
Gamzee must’ve left his block. A quick peek verified his assumption. Karkat
heaved a sigh and began tidying the room, chucking horns back in the center. It
took all his willpower not to chuck them in the incinerator. As he was dumping
the contents of the abandoned pail down the ablution trap drain, he heard his
Trollian ping the arrival of some douchebag needing a chunk of his personal
time without the gall to do it to his face.
***** blue popsicles *****
Karkat hadn’t said much in the ablution trap. It’s never good when that
motherfucker gets his quiet on for too long, it’s like all that hate boils up
inside him like a kettle and then he blows. So, if he wanted to get to talking
with Solbro, Gamzee was ok with that. He slipped quietly out the door and
walked to the nutrition block. Halfway there, he realized he forgot to put on
shoes. Man, the metal floors were bitchtits cold! Upon arriving, he opened the
freezer and took out a popsicle. Maybe if his mouth was all up and colder than
his feet, they’d feel warm again? He sat on the chair, and pulled his feet up
to a crouch position, and opened the popsicle. Whatever flavor the white paper
contained was sure to be exactly the flavor he wanted to eat. That’s just the
way things work, like destiny or something. He tore off the paper slowly, like
a sugary striptease. Blue. There’s no fruit that color, but the popsicle
doesn’t care! It just goes on tasting like raspberries, not giving a fuck about
being the most unnatural shade ever chosen for a fruit. If Gamzee closed his
eyes, he could imagine that the popsicle was a pretty red, like the flavor told
him, but when he opened his eyes, it was like WHOA did you forget I’m blue?
Motherfuckin miracles.
Gamzee closed his eyes again, convincing himself that the popsicle was red
again. He winced when the ice made his teeth all cold. Hmm. He slurped the
entire length into his mouth slowly, carefully avoiding scraping the frosty
surface with his fangs. After a couple of licks, he smiled around the pop. This
wasn’t so hard, after all. Then he opened his eyes again, the blue was staring
at him again. This time, it wasn’t just the icy bits clinging to the stick, but
none other than his teal sis giving him a suspicious look, leaning casually
against the doorframe.
“You sure were enjoying that popsicle. Looks like it’s all melted now, so
shouldn’t you be moving along, murderer?”
Gamzee fixed a stare in her direction, colder than his feet, colder than his
snack. The chill carried all the way to his deep voice as he spoke.
“I was just on my way to the observation deck, sister. If you’d BE ALL getting
OUT of my WAY,” he snarled as he approached the exit. He loomed over her as she
just cackled her stupid laugh and didn’t move out of the way enough to let him
through without brushing against her.
He burned with rage as he climbed up the stairs to the deck. Storming to the
edge of the platform, he sat down roughly. Gamzee clutched his feet tightly and
stared up at the sparkly little dots until he felt like he could breathe again
without every puff of air screaming killKILLkill. It was a long time. He smiled
in spite of himself as the glitter began to form pictures. He saw a bear, but
sort of with a long tail, and a guy with a crooked belt. Then, when he
squinted, there was a pale miracle crab up in the sky looking down on him,
making him focus so hard to see it that he forgot everything else.
“Solitary, huh? That could work.” Terezi stood next to him, seemingly
unintimidated that even sitting, his head came up to her shoulder.
“I’m not alone, lawsis. There’s a guy, and a bear up there.” Gamzee pointed to
the horizon at his new friends.
“Yeah, sure, whatever dumb thing you say you see. But they’re over there. What
are you looking at over here?”
“If I squint I can see a crab, real faint-like.”
“A pale crab? I thought crabs were RED.” Terezi took a deep sniff. “ I guess I
can see it. But it doesn’t smell like anything worthwhile. Almost like you’re
…forcing it?”
“It’s ALWAYS been UP THERE, it just TOOK me a WHILE to motherfuckin FIND it.”
Gamzee clenched his fists and turned to face his unwanted company.
Instead of words, he was met with a clash of snarly fanged mouth on his, an
aggressive kiss. Gamzee let his killing urge slip into something equally basic
as he grabbed her shoulders and slipped his tongue past her sharky teeth. He
ran his hands down her chest, and swirled circles with his thumbs against her
grubleg nubs. So much easier to find on girls. Terezi gasped lightly, placing
her hands over his, pressing them harder against herself. Gamzee roughly
kneaded the soft bosoms, growling in the back of his throat. Terezi fisted one
hand in his tangled mop of hair and moaned into his mouth. When they broke the
kiss, both breathless, he glanced down to see a flick of motion from between
her thighs. He pushed her chest back until she was standing again, and palmed
her bulge for a moment, glancing up at her through his unruly locks. Her face
was flushed and her breathing hitched at every caress, but it was with a calm
tone that she spoke.
“Trying to bribe the court? That doesn’t surprise me. I’m watching your every
move.” She flexed a white-knuckled hand clutching her cane.
“Ain’t done nothing I wasn’t all UP and SUPPOSED to, so there’s nothing to SEE,
blindsis. We MAKE the law around HERE. We ARE the LAW.”
“You’re a dangerous troll, Makara. I plan to-“ Gamzee pulled the waist of her
pants down to her knees. He caressed the curve of her inner thighs, but she
slapped his hand away from her nook. She said no more, but gave him a
threatening stare, as much as a blind girl can, anyway. He spared her a toothy
open-mouthed smile for a moment, then stuck his tongue out and pressed it to
the tip of her bulge. The color really was, very much, like that liar popsicle.
A sharp breath was her only response, and Gamzee interpreted it as permission.
He licked down the length, then yawned his mouth open and took in the petite
bulge. He felt something hard slide down his stomach and hover around his
waistband a moment, before slipping in. Terezi rubbed the rounded tip of her
cane directly against his nook. With a half-purr half-growl, he sucked wetly on
the teal organ, grinding against the maddening but useless pressure against his
opening. Very carefully, very purposefully, he dragged the barest tips of his
fangs against her shameglobes. He was rewarded with a sudden hard pull on his
horn and Terezi thrusting her bulge straight down his throat. She withdrew the
cane suddenly, instead toeing him through the thin fabric of his pants. She
fucked his mouth for a few thrusts, then pulled his head sharply back, far
enough to make eye contact.
“Are you so desperate to please me? The court denies your pathetic bribe---”
She bucked involuntarily as he continued to toy with the tip of her bulge,
smiling threateningly around it, pinning it in place with his teeth. “ You
don’t deserve love, Gamzee. You don’t deserve friends. I am going to take them
all away until you're alone, Makara. Especially that cherry idiot who just left
his scent all over you.”
Gamzee spat the bulge from his lips and snarled.
“What EXACTLY are you motherfucking UP and THREATENING K—“ Terezi cut him short
by kicking him hard in the crotch. As he doubled over, she drubbed him soundly
on the back of the head. His unconscious frame crumpled to the ground sideways.
She spared a long look-sniff at the slowly retreating bulge still writhing
under the polka dot fabric as she tugged her pants back up.
“Too easy.” She tossed a glance over her shoulder. “Did you enjoy the show? I
know you’re been there the whole time. You really have no tact.”
***** FUCK OFF, ERIDAN *****
Chapter Notes
     Like so many before me, I can't make the text colors work. Please
     enjoy my monochrome Trollian.
carcinoGeneicist is idle for 1:13:58 hours
--caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
CA: Kar I need your kelp bad.
CA: I knoww you’re there. No one’s sean you in the lab.
CA: You’re probably wwatchin your codawwful movvies.
CA: Are you for reel not there? Wwhat am I gonna do?
CG:
CAN’T.A.GUY.CLEAN.HIS.BLOCK.FOR.AN.HOUR.WITHOUT.SOMEONE.FLIPPING.THEIR.SHIT?
CG: I’M.HERE.GODDAMN.IT.WHAT.DO.YOU.WANT.
CA: I need your kelp. Right noww. I can’t ask nobody else, its codda be you.
CG:
NO.NO.NO.I.CAN’T.DO.THIS.RIGHT.NOW...I.WON’T.HELP.YOU…I.DENOUNCE.MY.TITLE.AS.THE.
RELATIONSHIP.GENIUS…IDIOT.SAVAANT.IS.PROBABLY.MORE.LIKE.IT.ANYWAY.
CG: MY.LIFE.IS.FUCKED.UP.ENOUGH.RIGHT.NOW.
CA: It’s not reely relationship problems I’m havvin right noww…
CG:
IF.I.WERE.TO.SERVE.YOU.A.HEAPING.PLATE.OF.MY.NORMALLY.DELECTABLE.ADVICE.YOU.WOULD.
SEND.IT.BACK.TO.THE.FUCKING.KITCHEN.AND.SAY.OH,.NO.SIR,.I.THINK.THIS.HAS.GONE.A.BIT.OFF…AND.
POSSIBLY.DEMAND.TO.SEE.THE.MANAGER.FOR.A.REFUND.
CG: I.AM.NOT.ABOUT.TO.START.A.GRUBOLA.EPIDEMIC.
CA: Somefin wwrong wwith your computer there, Kar? Your wwords all havve dots
betwween ‘em. I wwas ignorin it before but its reely annoying. Still havvin a
problem here…
CG: MY.SPACE.KEY.IS.COMPROMISED.
CG: LOOK…YOU.HAVE.TEN.WORDS.TO.PIQUE.MY.INTEREST.OR.I’M.SIGNING.OFF.
CA: You should havve Sollux come take a look at it, he’s great wwith that shit.
GC: WRONG.ANSWER.
GC: SOLLUX.IS.A.DOUCHEBAG..AND.I.AM.EVERY.BIT.AS.CAPABLE.AS.HE.IS.
GC: BY.THE.WAY.FUCKASS.YOU.WASTED.YOUR.TEN.WORDS.
--carcinoGenetecist [CG]ceased trolling caligulasAquarim [CA]--
Karkat sat back in the pile in his room. That was an asshole move, even for
him. But, Eridan was so clingy ever since he came back... actually, everything
was mostly the same. When Sollux and Aradia left, they were on a mission. Of
course, they didn’t tell anyone. They basically found a reset button of some
sort to grant an extra life to the players. And of course, Sollux just hacked
the game to bring the other trolls back. It was that simple. Right. Now
everyone thought they owed him some sort of favor or respect. It was a good
thing Karkat had renounced his leadership, because it was getting obnoxious
wading through all that hero-worship. And things were… weird. Everybody had
still flipped their shit and killed each other. Eridan spent entire days doing
nothing but apologizing to Feferi, who just smiled and told him it was ok, but
you could see it was wearing her cheerful personality down. Nepeta and Equius
wouldn’t go near Gamzee at all. Equius felt no ill will against the highblood
who rightly killed him, but Nepeta would bristle with rage. It was nice to not
be stalked all the time, but Karkat felt guilty for ordering the sweaty idiot
to his death. Vriska just grinned like tool for having the luck to beat
permanent death. She dragged Tavros around like a toy, and it seemed like he
didn’t mind it anymore. Karkat was pretty sure that she was just using him as a
shield against Eridan’s constant advances at rekindling their old kismestitude,
which is exactly why he closed his husktop. You can only tell Eridan something
eleven times or so before it becomes apparent that he’s not really listening.
He flipped open the husktop again long enough to change his mood to “==>
Karkat, be predictable”
He shoved in whatever moviegrub was closest and curled up in his pile to watch
it. Fuck everyone, seriously.
When he opened his eyes again, the end credits were rolling. Whoops, must’ve
fallen asleep. Dreams were strange now without anyone’s real dead self to find.
It was just copies and copies of people that acted in ways the real ones never
would. Except Vriska. While she was dead, she managed to get all her doomed
timeline selves in 'cahoooooooots' with each other, and they’d all harass
anyone they found. Karkat would rather cut off his own bulge and bleed to death
in a hideous pool of his blasphemous blood then stay asleep once he saw her.
He rubbed his eyes and stretched. It felt late, and Gamzee’s block was still
silent. As much as he totally wanted to avoid even thinking about the mess he’d
just made of their perfectly good pale relationship, it was probably better to
have a feelings jam. After all, Gamzee would probably just dump him, or forget
that it had ever happened, and future Karkat would hate him for bringing it up
when they could’ve just swept it under the proverbial carpet. Maybe he’d just
go up to the deck, and scowl at the stars. At least there he felt as
insignificant as his life probably really was.
***** short chapters move the story forward too, you know *****
Rose smiled knowingly. “That looked dangerous.”
“From one Seer to another, you know there was no real threat.”
“I’m not concerned whether or not Gamzee was going to bite your sensitive alien
genitals. I’m normally not one for casual spoilers, but your powers can’t
penetrate the chucklevoodoos, you know. He isn’t the Bard of Rage for no reason
at all.”
“Mmm, maybe that’s what I like about it? It’s nice to have a challenge.
Besides, I’ll be far away when they hit.”
“I’m certain my brother would be happy to give you more trouble.”
“I know “troll romance” is really hard for you one-quadrant humans to get, but
this ‘monogamy’ thing you guys keep telling us about seems a whole lot lamer.
Besides, Dave isn’t dangerous. Dave is enough trouble, but in a totally pitiful
way.”
“I would pay good money to see you tell Dave that to his face.”
“You know, I think I just might!” Terezi cackled, walking eagerly toward the
stairs. Rose looked pointedly at the sleeping troll for a moment before turning
to follow Terezi.
“I don’t believe that will achieve your desired effect, though. I assume you
mean that to be a declaration of official relationship? Don’t think Mr. Strider
will drop his panties over your sudden proclamation.”
“Well, then, I’ll just have to tear them off him.”
***** a Moirail's job is never really done, or, the chapter I forgot to title
*****
Karkat heard voices, and quickly shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at
his shoes as Terezi and Rose appeared on the stairs. He’d made it all this way
without running into anyone, only to walk straight into a conversation he was
POSITIVE he did not want to hear, judging by those lingering words…
“Hey, Karkles,” Terezi elbowed him lightly as he attempted to pass without
acknowledging them at all.
“Dave wants to talk to you tonight, in the lounge. Can I tell him you’ll be
there?” Rose smiled lightly, making sure to hold his attention.
“Um, yeah, whatever. Sure, I guess.”
The girls brushed past, talking in hushed tones as Karkat climbed the stairs
two by two. He stopped cold as he arrived at the top. Yeah, he wasn’t ready to
talk to that idiot yet. Karkat turned around to go back downstairs, but then,
he really didn’t want to talk to Dave either. Seriously, how could Gamzee just
fall asleep up here?
Heaving an exasperated sigh, Karkat walked over to his friend. So… he was out
cold, but he didn’t look relaxed. He was grinding his teeth and his brow was
furrowed. Karkat papped the scowl away, but mostly just smeared greasepaint
around. He grabbed the hem of Gamzee’s shirt and wiped his hand off on the
inside. Gamzee didn’t ever stir. He must be having one hell of a nightmare. He
mumbled in his sleep, and it sounded vaguely murderous. Karkat put a finger
against his mouth to shoosh him, but the words kept slipping around it. The
smaller troll made a little tongue click in annoyance, and looked around the
deck. Completely alone. He leaned forward and placed a tiny kiss on the
murmuring lips. They stilled for a moment as he felt his face flush red. Karkat
pulled back and scrunched up his face, scratching his claws in his hair
furiously as if he could intimidate the blush away, then scowled at nothing in
particular before leaning in to chase each vicious word away with butterfly
kisses.
Karkat would never admit to anyone that he may have lingered a bit longer at
his friend’s lips with each kiss. Hell no. Gamzee’s expression softened after a
minute, and Karkat sat, playing with long wavy tendrils of hair until the lazy
smile crept back on his friend’s face. Karkat was grinning like an idiot for a
minute too, until he caught himself and forced a neutral expression. How the
fuck was he going to get Gamzee back down to his block? The huge troll had
obviously tucked in for the night, in the most inconvenient of places. Karkat
looked around the deck again, then sized up the sleeping mess next to him. The
transportalizer was maybe thirty steps away, and then it would only be a few
more steps until he could get to his block. But, he’d end up walking right
through the lab, which is always full of bulgehumping morons. And Sollux. There
was no way he could carry anything of Gamzee’s size all the way back to his
block the same way he came. Karkat leaned against Gamzee and curled in on
himself the best he could while he waited for him to wake the hell up. Someone
had to be here in case that nightmare didn’t stop just because he opened his
eyes, right? A moirail’s job is never really done. As his eyelids grew heavy,
his palmhusk vibrated.
--apocalypseArisen began trolling carcinoGeneticist --
AA: Just use a fireman’s carry. D0n’t y0u have s0mewhere else t0 be?
--apocalypseArisen ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist--
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A FIREMAN?
Against his better judgement, he opened the link. Oh.
CG: UM, THANKS.
--caricinoGeneticist ceased trolling apocalypseArisen--
Aradia was still as creepy as ever. Would’ve been useful to know that when…
Karkat shook his head. Past Karkat was an enormous fuckup, and he really didn’t
want to dwell on the events of that particular evening. It all culminated in
his moiraillegiance with Gamzee anyway… which he had now completely ignored the
boundaries of. Present Karkat was apparently also an enormous fuckup.
“Stop being such a grubfucker and just get this over with, already,” Karkat
mumbled as he stood up and brushed off his pants. Fumbling, he managed to
scrape his useless friend off the ground into a somewhat upright position. He
grabbed a limp lanky arm and slung it over his shoulder. He took another
distasteful look around the empty deck for onlookers, then slid his arm gruffly
between Gamzee’s thighs, and heaved him onto his shoulders. His legs were
barely off the ground. Fuck being short. Karkat managed a whole two jarring
steps. This is totally possible.
“Bro… where are you, all, up and taking me?” A deep voice over his shoulder
gave him such a scare that a lesser troll would’ve emptied their waste chute.
But not Karkat. He just sort of dropped him, a little. It wasn’t that far of a
fall, really. Really, more of a slide, and he landed on his butt anyway, so who
really cares?
“What the actual fuck, Gamzee?! How long were you awake?” Karkat opened his
mouth to apologize, but that’s what came out. Whoops.
“Dunno, bro. I just thought you were all hugging me and all, but like got it
wrong? My head hurts, motherfucker.” Goddamn that sad clown face.
“You idiot,” Karkat hugged Gamzee around the neck, nuzzling the top of his head
with his chin. Gamzee wrapped his arms languidly around his tiny friend. Karkat
noted that Gamzee was able to rest his hands on his own elbows. Fucking mutant
blood, will he never grow? The universe will probably see to it that he’s
culled before he ever sees his next molt anyway. He held tightly to his friend
as he stroked nubby claws along his spine. Gamzee mumbled something into his
shirt. Karkat petted his head and made soft shooshing sounds. Suddenly, Gamzee
grabbed his hips hard enough to startle him.
“…Can’t breathe, motherfucker!” Gamzee wheezed. Oh, maybe hugging your friends
so hard they could pop isn’t so good an idea? Karkat let go of Gamzee
completely, and looked down at his shirt, all a-smear with juggalo face. He
looked back at his friend, who was very intent on greedily sucking in the
sweet, free air. His elegant features were only enhanced by the light indigo
flush that had crept up all the way to his high cheekbones. The three stripes
across his straight nose had somehow not ruined its form. His damaged eyelid
never opened all the way anymore, but that was only apparent when his eyes were
bugging out after being nearly choked to death by his best friend. Whoops
again. Maybe he should stop staring and do something? He ran his hand down
Gamzee’s surprisingly toned arm, maybe a little too slowly, and grabbed his
hand.
“Come on, let’s get you somewhere you can sleep. What were you even doing up
here, anyway?"
“I had a motherfucking blue popsicle, and then-“ Gamzee looked really guilty.
“I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT THOSE STUPID THINGS. They’re full of sugar and then you
fell the fuck to sleep? God, I hope you weren’t in a human diabetic coma or
anything. I read about those the other day. Is that shit contagious? Are there
any interspecies communicable diseases? Do trolls even have an equivalent
noncommunicable disease? I should’ve looked into all that before everything on
Alternia was destroyed. Now you’re going to die slowly because I don’t know how
to fix you or--"
Gamzee planted a chaste kiss on the hand holding his.
“Bro, it’ll be motherfucking okay. Can we find a bitchtits quiet place to get
our sleep on? My head…” The frown marring his mostly paintless face spoiled its
beauty more than any scar could. It made Karkat’s bloodpusher feel tight. He
just nodded and helped Gamzee to his feet. He guided the lanky boy by the hand
to the transporter, his angry legs taking three steps for Gamzee’s every two.
Who gives half a bleeding fuck about who’s down there? Karkat was actually more
concerned about Gamzee’s lack of makeup than the pale PDA. He decided not to
tell him how much was gone, and just wash his face for him when they got to
their block. Appearances to keep up, and all. Without another thought, they
were reappearing in the computer lab. Karkat closed his eyes as he counted the
steps to the second transporter. He could feel the stares through his eyelids.
“Uh, hey, KK, we were ju2t-“
Karkat kept walking silently. Five, four, three, two… he opened his eyes and
took the step up onto the platform, dragging a lanky, drowsy clown a step
behind. He disappeared halfway through whatever unsolicited thing that
bulgelicker wanted to say.
“Uh, Karbro? You ok?” Gamzee looked at him curiously as they stood in the room
of transportilizers to the private quarters. Karkat looked at him and grunted,
lips clamped tightly shut and a slight blush on his face. He let out all the
air he was holding in, and sighed. Yeah, sometimes he still held his breath to
shut up, okay? What’s it to YOU anyway? Stop breaking the fourth wall already.
“I’m fucking perfect like always, you mirthful doofus.” Karkat stepped back and
pulled Gamzee onto the Cancer platform with him. The clown leaned heavily on
him as they entered his room. The movie grub had apparently been auto-repeating
since he left. It cast a flickering light across his pathetic tiny pile. That’s
not going to accommodate two trolls of any size. Hmm…
“Here, sleep on this flat awful thing.” Karkat marched over to the human bed
that was put in his room without permission. Kanaya and Rose had gone on a
‘remodeling spree’ whatever the fuck THAT was. As a result, his block was
crammed with a bunch of uselessly fancy stuff. The TV was nice, and he liked
the leather desk chair, but the rest could just burn in a giant bonfire as far
as he was concerned. Anyway, this soft platform for squishy humans looked big
enough for his ginormous sentient problem at hand, and that was a good enough
qualifier. It was getting really late anyway. Flashing lights broke his train
of thought.
“Gamzee, seriously, do NOT captchalogue my shit.” His friend was staring
bleary-eyed at a completely useless human decorative vase zooming through his
miracle modus. Okay, fine, he can have that.
Karkat messed the honkbeast-feather human comforter into a lump, and tossed the
head support rectangles on top. Better than nothing. He pushed Gamzee into it
with a soft thud.
“You sleep, I’ll be back before you wake up. ”
“Where up all are um, all gonna … you motherfuckin go?”
“Gamzee, that didn’t even make any sense. Go back to sleep. I’m just going to
the lounge so you can get some quiet time.” He pet Gamzee’s head a few times.
He was asleep before he said anything else. Just a stupid smile stuck on his
stupid beautiful face. Karkat left the room quietly, promising himself he’d be
back soon.
***** ==> Fuck off, Eridan *****
“Sup.” Dave’s pokerface turned in the general direction of the perceived
intrusion. Apparently, getting a reaction at all meant you surprised the fuck
out of him.
“Oh, hey. II diidn’t know anyone el2e wa2 gonna be here thii2 late.”
“So, you’re telling me that if you knew I was here, you wouldn’t have come?
That hurts, Zero Cool. Are you trying to break up with me?” The blonde boy
crossed his arms in a mockery of sulking.
“II never really know what you are talkiing about. Who ii2 Zero Cool?” Sollux
shuffled lazily across the room and sat down at a terminal a respectful
distance from Dave.
“Don’t make me explain it, just go with it.” He stretched his arms before
melting back into his disintersted slouch.
Just then, Sollux heard a tiny noise come from Dave’s computer. An unmistakable
noise.
Sollux spun casually in his chair to view Dave’s screen. Some cinema player in
the corner, minimized. Gotcha. Using psionics, he carefully nudged Dave’s hand
to open fullscreen mode.
He was not prepared to see that much pink flesh on the screen.
“Oh my god, Dave, ii2 that a human matiing riitual?”
“Yep.”
“That2’ 2o… gro22. What are tho2e na2ty 2wiingy thiing2?”
“Testicles.“
“Do they ju2t, hang out liike that all the tiime?” Sollux was up out of his
chair, and scrutinizing the horrors on the screen in front of him.
“Yeah, that’s what balls do, generally.”
“Why doe2n’t the other one have them? And what ii2 that thing he ii2 putting
iin …her… nook? No… her wa2techute?!”
“One, it’s a girl. Two, it’s a penis.”
“Okay, human2 are gro22 mammal2, II remember that now. This ii2… normal…
relatiion2 for your 2peciie2?”
“Human babymaking in action, happens just like that every single time.”
“Oh eeww… II diidn’t need two be remiinded about beariing liive young.”
“I have a video of that too, if you want to see.”
“No Dave. You can keep your mammaliian perver2iion2 two your2elf.”
“Is troll porn really so much better?”
“II don’t watch that 2tuff. You 2hould go a2k ED, II thiink he ha2 enough two
cra2h the databa2e.”
“I bet you could just hack it. You’re curious now that I brought it up. It’s
got whatever freaky alien junk you’ve got down there all atwitter."
“II wiill hack iit becau2e II feel liike iit. Thii2 ii2 obviiou2ly a plea for
help two temper your va2t lack of knowledge on troll 2exual relatiion2. II
wiill do thii2 a2 a favor two you. Plea2e don’t cry liike a human baby when you
don’t under2tand what’2 goiing on.”
“You better back up that talk with some grade A porn, amigo. I specifically
request that my world be rocked, my mind be scarred, and my giant beef
thermometer be screaming hot and ready.”
“2hut up already, II got two. “ Sollux locked the door with an arc of blue
energy. “II don’t feel liike explaiining what II am doiing riight now, 2iince
II don’t know why my2elf.”
“Ooh, kinky. Please, be gentle. I’m underage for my species.”
“You have the wrong iidea about a lot of thiing2, don’t you? Brace yourself,
thii2 ii2 probably 2eadweller porn. IIt’2 hard two tell, 2iince ALL the
entriie2 were iin hii2 per2onal 2hade of purple. Narcii- Narcii2ii2t-fuck. He’2
2o full of hiim2elf.”
“Is it any different than normal?"
“We’re about two fiind out.” Sollux clicked the play button.
An amateur video began playing, albeit good quality. A slender, androgynous
troll in a purple corset and thigh highs walked into view and sat down in a
chair center screen. Part of her(? ) face was visible; the top half was
obscured by a domino mask, and the camera cut off before her horns.
“I think this is a screen test or private video or something… it’s only seven
minutes long. Let me find a better one.”
“Dude, trolls look like ken dolls! Where the hell is the happy factory?” Dave
scooted his chair over and leaned a little closer, as if there was anything to
see by zooming in.
Sollux rolled his eyes. Looks like this is all the human kid can handle for
now.
The troll on screen parted her thighs and ran perfectly manicured claws across
shapely lips, wetting fingers with a purple tongue. Yep, seadweller, as if her
clothing didn’t already give it away. Eridan was such a bigot.
A thick bulge descended readily from beneath her bone bulge into her waiting
hand. The squirming organ revealed the serrated cartilage fins that sort of
spiraled down the length. The anonymous seadweller greedily stuffed two fingers
in her nook, and even in the dim light, the juices dripping down her wrist were
visibly purple.
”Girl2 don’t u2ually have bulge2 that biig… mu2t be a 2ea thiing?”
“Uh huh, good to know.” Dave swallowed hard.
Onscreen, the girl worked herself hard, like a true wannabe star; pinching fins
and tugging tentacular loops of bulge through fingers. She pulled her bulge up
against her stomach, glossy shameglobes framing the opening she put on full
display. She slipped a slim white dildo inside her nook, its pale color setting
of the rather high purple she slicked all over it. A few soft, deep moans
slipped out as she rocked herself(? Sollux was so sure it was a girl, but that
voice was weird. Did it really matter?) feverishly on the toy. A hand reached
off screen for a moment, bringing with it… a small glass pail.
“Holy crap, a clear one? ED’2 got 2ome na2ty ta2te!”
“Thought you didn’t watch this stuff. What’s …she? gonna do with that…?”
“II’m the one who know2 what’2 about two happen. 2hut up and watch.”
The troll onscreen delicately held the bucket with thumb and forefinger, and
used her free fingers to point the tip of her bulge at the wall of the bucket.
Maybe this wasn’t amateur… the camera had a perfect view of the cloudy purple
pearls already dripping. She? jerked the base of her bulge hard with her free
hand and came with a gruff yelp, thrusting shameglobes against fist with each
pulse of thick fluid that spurted from his? ridged bulge. Her hand uncurled
from her spent bulge and wiped away a few beads of purple sweat that trickled
town his cheek. She sat breathing heavily for a moment, shoulders sloped, idly
teasing a drop of come clinging to the tip of his? bulge. She pulled the dildo
out with a wet smack and let out a distinctly male moan, lustier than his
apparent satisfaction warranted.
“Ohh…Fef.”
“ HOLY 2HIIT THAT’2 ED!!!! "
“OH MY GOD TURN IT OFF!”
Sollux felt his blood run cold as Eridan pushed up the mask and ran his fingers
though his hair in one elegant motion. He set the nearly full pail down on the
floor and reached forward and clicked off the camera.
Sollux and Dave passed a single second of horrified looks between each other
before the second video began playing. They both dove for the mouse at the same
time, effectively preventing each other from hitting it. A brief but desperate
struggle to stop the video player ensued as a masked Eridan strapped on a
purple leather harness.
Suddenly the transporter flared up, and none other than Karkat the Prude came
marching through. Dave coughed to cover the sounds onscreen as he finally
mashed the elusive little x in the corner.
“Uh, hey, KK, we were ju2t-“
Karkat kept on walking. Sollux raised his eyebrows when he saw that Karkat
wasn’t just walking next to Gamzee, but practically dragging him to the private
blocks. Maybe not such a prude after all.
“Well, that’s my bus, gotta go catch it at the next stop.” Dave got up and
disappeared a moment later, leaving the chair spinning with a flourish. Sollux
sat alone in the room, deeply unsettled by the events he’d just witnessed.
***** awkward times in coolville *****
Dave sat in the lounge, staring into the greasy film on the top of his koffee.
It wasn’t really coffee, hence the k, but it ironically sounded just like
‘coffee’ when you said it out loud. He’d rather think about stupid ironic jokes
that he’ll never explain than dwell on the events of the last ten minutes. That
was a nasty little introduction to a whole new world Dave wasn’t entirely sure
he was ready to delve into. He and Terezi hovered around the matesprit zone,
and obviously, the next step was to get the fuck to the bedroom and get down to
it. Dave put the brakes on once or twice, and she didn’t really push it. It was
best to know what to expect so he didn’t lose that perfect Strider cool. But
now, after seeing the motherfucking Kraken spit the seven fucking seas into a
goddamn jar, Dave was aware of just how little he knew at all. Karkat wouldn’t
arrive for another nine minutes and fourteen seconds, and Dave could really use
a pep talk. If Rose could frivolously use her powers to tell him when to catch
Karkat when he wasn’t playing wraparound to his pet murderclown, then Dave
could abuse his too, right?
Dave walked in through the side door and sat down next to Dave.
“Wanna strife and just get your anxiety out?”
“Step off that ‘tude, Dave, who said I was anxious? I’m cool as a cucumber. No,
fuck that, I’m as cool as ---“
“The shitty swords you keep in the freezer? That’s not even funny. Just listen
to me. You wanna go where no man’s gone before, right Kirk?"
“Picard was the better captain and everyone knows that.”
“Picard was a poser. Kirk got there first and put his dick in the female of
every species they came across. Picard just put his fucking diplomacy up in
there. Which is more relevant to the conversation we’re about to have? …that’s
what I thought.”
Dave sat stoically as future Dave talked.
“Look here, you like Terezi as more than just a friend. Way more.”
“Yeah.”
“So, you want to rock her strange alien casbah. You think you’re gonna figure
out how to do that in a dark room tearing her pants off while she’s licking you
everywhere without a SOLID goddamn game plan?”
“At least I actually know it’s located in her pants now.”
“You’re making this worse.”
Dave pressed his lips tightly shut. Future Dave continued his monologue.
“You know that coolkid thing we’ve got going drives her crazy. Well, I’m pretty
sure she’s crazy anyway, but we’ve got appearances to maintain. Striders don’t
cry when part of an octopus pops out of their girlfriend’s pants. You’re not
Rose, you haven’t been secretly pining to ride the grimdark squid dong. She
probably thought about that for years before it even happened. God, I can’t
believe I even asked her about any of that.“
“This is getting a little off track.”
“I’m getting to that. Rose is why we’re not going to leave. She said to talk to
Karkat tonight, and she had that super creepy overbearing Seer voice going on
when she said it. So, we’re going to goddamn sit here and not become a pair of
dead Daves.”
“I’m not feeling any better about any of this.”
“Then I’m just gonna sit here and make sure you don’t go anywhere ‘til he gets
here.”
“Wanna play solitaire?”
“With both of us? That’s so sublimely ironic. Dude, you haven’t lost your
touch.”
About halfway through the game, Karkat walked in to see two Daves jammed into
one chair, shoulder to shoulder, one holding the deck as the other drew the
cards. Future Dave glanced up behind his shades; the troll was blatantly
staring at them. He casually squeezed the other Dave’s knee and leaned in, way
too closely, to speak to him.
“I think it’s time for you to go back and give me what I need.”
“Uh, yeah,” Dave nodded and walked over to the side door.
“Dang, dat ass. Do I always look that good walking away?” Dave turned his head
and saw Karkat standing right next to the table. He pointed at the koffee with
one nubby claw.
“Are you done with that?” God he sounded tired.
“Yeah,” Dave watched him pick the spoon off the table and sort of pop the
greasy skin that formed across the surface. Mostly, it just stuck to the back
of the spoon. He meticulously removed the crust, and brought the spoon close to
his face, inspecting it. Then, Karkat ate it. He fucking ate it. What the
living, shitting fuck.
“Fuck! What the fuck are you doing? I mean, what the fuck, man?”
“Apparently grossing you out as much as you’re grossing me out.” Karkat
shrugged unapologetically, still licking the spoon. “It’s the only good part.
The asswater just helps keep me awake.”
He walked over to the bookshelf and pulled down a fat boring book titled in
Alternian, fangs clicking against the ceramic mug as he sipped the lukewarm
koffee. Fucking trolls.
Dave flipped a few more cards in his oh-so-thrilling game as Karkat sat down on
the loveseat next to him.
“Is human diabetes contagious?”
“Uh, no? What are you even looking at?” Dave spent a silent moment looking at
the book before he decided he couldn’t make heads or tails of any of it. Oh,
well, paper’s paper, right? He casually put one hand in his pocket. The only
sound in the room was a soft click of a ballpoint pen.
“Dave, if you draw human penises on this book I swear to God I will pour all of
Gamzee’s shitty soda down your throat, shake you, and give you to him to use as
a fucking spray paint can.” Karkat looked at Dave pointedly, waiting for him to
make a move. Sorry Karkat, time to get served. Dave cracked his knuckles.
“That’s a whole lot of talk you can’t back up. Put ‘em up, walk, or shut the
fuck up. Or could it be, man, that you don’t understand just what is so grand
about a rock hard dick. Listen Slick, it don’t take a genius to really make
sense of this. I’ll forgive that fact if you’ll give tit for tat. Want me to
draw tentacles eldritch all over the page instead of mammalian dick? You gotta
teach me what you wanna see. Fuck that, Karkat, I can tell that I’m losing you
(not that it’s all that hard to do) so I’mma help you out this time and dumb
down the rhyme. Get your nose outta the book. Look at my hose. Show me your
nook.”
Dave pushed his glasses down low enough to look at Karkat over the top of them,
flashing his orangey eyes and a wink. There was a truly horrified look on
Karkat’s face, as if all the rage and disgust he ever expressed was just
practice leading up to this moment.
“FUCK NO WHY WOULD I-“ Dave clapped a hand over black lips.
“Think carefully about what you say. You’re balls deep in a rap battle. Winner
gets their way. You wield your words like a weapon, so blow me away.“
“I’m not going to rhyme anything, because the second I engage you, I lose, and
there is nothing I want less in my miserable existence than to have a visual
reference by which to gauge the accuracy of your shitty drawings.” Dave wasn’t
sure if the look on his face was the bitter taste of defeat or just
constipation.
“Thanks for not even trying, coward. I’m hurt. Here I am trying to be
multiculturally sensitive and informative, and yet you’re not the least bit
curious about my meat popsicle? My love wand, my bologna pony, my purple headed
yogurt slinger, my heat seeking love missile? "
“No, no, no, no, and FUCKING NO. Stop talking about your self-proclaimed pork
sword whatever-the-fuck. I wish you could just ask me things straight up
instead of being a fuckass about everything.”
“Oh, what am I being a fuckass about now?”
“This is relationship advice. That’s all anybody even wants from me anymore,
it’s like the population of the entire meteor is trying to get into each
other’s pants and I’m auspice to it all. No fucking thank you.”
“Maybe I’m just pitch for you Karkles.”
“Don’t call me that. Fuck you so many times Dave, I won’t even waste the breath
to say them all myself.” Karkat waved his hand dismissively. “You and Terezi
have been going together for almost a year, but here you are, suddenly very
curious about me? All I can guess is that you haven’t seen hers yet, and you
want to learn about it from me somehow. Well, news for you Dave, I haven’t seen
it. While we’re salting the wound, she didn’t see mine either, or even act half
as interested in as she is with yours.“
“Harsh, dude. I just don’t know who else I can ask.” Dave kind of felt bad. Not
that he would admit it. Karkat continued as if Dave hadn’t even spoken.
“My hilariously trivial existence makes me the butt of yet another joke by
putting me in this position. I guess I serve now to provide some sort of
education to you, so you can sexually pleasure the troll which I believed most
of my life to be my only possible matesprit. Pardon me for being less than
excited.“
“So wait, you’re gonna help me? I’m not sure what you’re saying around all that
tantrum you’re throwing around.”
“As much as it digusts me, yes. This is going to be one of those embarrassing
conversations, isn’t it?“
“It’s way past ‘gonna be’.”
“Look, let’s just get this over with. I’ll tell you the basics. I would like to
remind you that this is not ANY sort of flirtation, nor is it even remotely
pale. I still consider Terezi a dear friend if nothing else, and if teaching
you how to make her happy is a way I can make her happy, then its fine.”
“Thanks Karkat.”
“Not a word of this leaves this room.”
“Ok.” Dave punched Karkat in the arm.
“OW WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!”
“Just making sure this isn’t too friendly.”
“You are making it so difficult for me to help you.”
“I don’t want Doctor Rockso the Rock ’n’ Roll Clown using me for spray paint, I
can really imagine that happening.”
“I saw it in a dream bubble. Apparently a dead me worshipped the mirthful
messiahs and gave you to him as an offering.”
“Ok, uncomfortable now.”
“Tit for tat. I listen.” Karkat thumbed through the book to a section of color
plates. Apparently, it was a medical text? He stopped on a page with a medical
diagram of the troll lower torso.
“Ha, you said tit.” Dave did not giggle. Nope.
“So did you, what about it? Be fucking mature about this.” Karkat brusquely
pointed at a few parts.
”This is the nookcavern; this is the deposit stalk, and those things in there
are sensation orbs.” He gestured over a mess of glands and connective tubes.
“You don’t care about any of that. These are the only three parts you need to
know.”
“Is this a male or a female?”
“Look dumbass, trolls really only have one way to be. If it’s not this, I don’t
know what the hell else could be down there.”
“I know that, it was a trick question. Where’s the bulge?”
“That’s slang for the deposit stalk. Just like shameglobes means sensation
orbs. I’m sure you’re familiar with slang, yes?” Karkat didn’t wait for a
response.
“When two trolls really feel for each other... Okay, that’s not going to be a
good lead in. So, anyway… when you’re going to…pail…” Karkat cleared his
throat,” The stalk emerges. That’s what a nook is, the cavity that the bulge is
usually stored in. There’s a membrane separating the two, and the sensation
orbs are suspended in the membrane. When the bulge is fully extended, they’re
half internal and half external, so they can experience sensations from both
sides. The nookcavern also serves to hold… mating fluids. The retracted bulge
can be moved internally to jettison the aforementioned fluids. Most trolls just
use a bucket, I guess to make less mess? Apparently trolls used to bring the
slurry to the mother grubs personally. That’s the difference you see in some
trolls… they’ve got these fatty chest humps to provide energy when they
couldn’t stop to hunt. I guess there’s not a need for that since someone
invented containers…I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”
“You’re doing fine. Haven’t you ever seen the 40-year-old Troll Virgin? Don’t
let that be Terezi.”
“Ugh, can we not put names to these parts right now?”
“Okay, fine. Just teach me how to bone a troll.”
“There’s not really any bones involved, fuckass. Aren’t you looking at the
picture? You know, stop looking at it, I don’t need you staring at my lap,
visualizing shit.” Karkat took the text from his lap and put it on the table
over the cards.
“Too much for you already? You could just show me then.”
“If it was, WHICH IT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT, the mere thought of you being anywhere
nearby would completely invaginate my stalk so far that it would never come out
again.”
“Did you just say… invaginate?”
“It means to retract into a cavity, which is exactly what a stalk does. Are you
not listening? You don’t think it just dangles vulnerably all fucking day do
you?”
“Humans’ do.”
“I can’t do this. I’m going to vomit so hard that things I shit out yesterday
are going to come back up.”
“What happened to being multicultural? Do I need to tell Rose there’s a
breakdown in interspecies relations?”
“Fuck you. Maybe Past Karkat was wrong, and this whole thing really is about
you wanting me to see your … whatever it is.”
“Maybe I just want to know if Terezi is going to freak out when she sees it?”
“Then go show it to her, as much as I wish I had choked to death on my own
fucking spittle before I finished that sentence. I’m not your substitute.”
“Don’t bother telling me about how you do the troll nasty, because I can tell
it’s not going to work for a human. Shit’s all squirmy, not like my magnificent
turgid love club.”
“I actually don’t know how to do the troll nasty! Okay? Goddamn it, Rose and
Kanaya figured it out! Go ask them! I’m starting to think you’re just torturing
me.”
“Won’t help. Humans don’t all have the same equipment. Rose basically has a
nook with no bulge.”
“Err…that sounds like it sucks? What if you’re stuck with the same equipment on
both humans?"
“We have ways around it, but it’s generally easy to predict. You didn’t pretend
to feel sick that time. See? Now you’re curious.”
“No.”
“Yes you are.” Dave stood up.
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
“NO I AM ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT CURIOUS ABOUT YOUR PINK HUMAN ---“
Dave pulled down his pants.
“AWRHHHH MY EYES I’M GOING BLIND!” Karkat was rolling around on the loveseat
with his hands covering his eyes, somewhat muffling his overdramatic cries of
anguish.
“Stop freaking out and just tell me how to make this work with a troll. You
didn’t even look.”
“I TOLD YOU NO! YOU ARE RAPING MY ORBITAL SOCKETS. NO MEANS NO MEANS FUCKING
NO!” The pillow he was clutching over his face did surprisingly little to
filter the awful sounds he was making.
“I hope Terezi isn’t such a baby about this,” Dave started to pull up his
pants. “I guess I can go permanently destroy her nether regions with my beef
probe, or just let her lick it until…” The pillow hit him in the face, then
Dave hit the floor as Karkat launched off the sofa and tackled him.
“Hurt her and I will kill you, I swear.” Dave felt nubby claws against his
throat, and a knee against his solar plexus. The other knee pinned one hand
against his side, still clutching his pants. Kinda vulnerable right now, but no
one has to know that trolls are faster and stronger than humans, even at
Karkat’s size. Dave adjusted his glasses and returned a classic Strider deadpan
look. The look in Karkat’s eyes was burning with passion. Not for him, but...
“What the fuck was that. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? OH GOD IT’S TOUCHING ME.”
“That’s called popping a boner. Stop straddling me. You’re sitting in a human
sexual position. Violently, but hey, some people like that. I guess I do.”
Karkat scuttled backwards off Dave like he was poisonous.
“Uh.” Really, it took THIS to make Karkat speechless? He watched as the troll’s
gaze focused on his still exposed genitals. Not for the first time in his life,
Dave was grateful that the glasses covered so much of his face. Even so, his
ears felt like they were on fire.
“So can I put that in a troll or not.” Dave’s voice absolutely did not squeak.
“I don’t know? Um. Its…” Karkat made hand motions, estimating the size of it.
“You can touch it. You already rubbed your crotch all over it.”
“I DID NO SUCH THING.” Karkat cleared his throat again. “It’s… smaller than a.
Bulge. But not at the end? I think it could fit. How does it move?”
“It doesn’t really?”
“What do you mean it doesn’t?” Karkat was looking at it like it would start
moving any second, proving Dave a liar. The scrutiny was making it really hard
to concentrate. Dave chose to stare at the ceiling.
“We... move our hips. Uh…” He thrust a tiny bit for emphasis. Dave was starting
to feel like this whole thing was a mistake.
“So you just bash shit around like you’re swinging at a fucking piñata?”
“Uh, yeah, if you want to put it that way. It’s not really a problem for our
species?”
Karkat leaned forward with one finger extended, and fucking poked him right in
the fucking frenum. Not really a poke, but kind of a gentle push. What the
hell. His cock flexed a tiny bit and bobbed back to its full upright stance. To
Dave’s horror, a drop of precome dribbled over the rim of his foreskin. He let
out a tiny embarrassed moan. Karkat scrambled to his feet. His eyes were wide,
and he kinda looked like a kid who just sent a baseball through the window,
ready to run.
“Goddamn it Karkat.”
“I. Fuck…I’m gonna go now.” He shifted from one foot to the other. “As long as
you rub her shameglobes it should be good. Be careful with her.” Oh my god,
were his creepy troll eyes glassy? Was he fucking crying? There was way too
much going on right now, and a very insistent six and a half inches to attend
to on top of all that. Dave hiked himself up on his elbows and snatched off his
glasses.
“God. Dammit... Karkat, aren’t you spades for me? You’re just gonna leave me
like this?” That is totally not what he meant to say. But. There was no way
Karkat was just gonna leave like that, right? He’s been dying to fill his black
quadrant with him for… And, right now, Dave could really go for…
Karkat stared at him for a second, exchanging his standard look of scorn for
one of surprise. Dave could only imagine he looked a hot mess right now. He
hoped it was a sexy one.
“I should hate you, Dave… but I don’t.” Karkat absconded the fuck out of the
room. Fuck everything. Fuck fuck fuckfuckfuck. Dave sat in silence, the door
still swinging on its two way hinges.
And then an orange clad figure stepped in.
“Hello David.”
“You!” Dave shoved his shades back onto his face. He was both gingerly and
hurriedly trying to jam his erection back in his pants as Rose walked right
over and crouched next to him.
“Would you care to hear what I think about the fact that you just prioritized
accessorizing over concealing your raging shame from your dear sister?”
“I really don’t need that right now. Damn it, you knew this would happen.”
“You did get what you needed, right?”
“NO! Does it look like..." Dave shook his head. Not gonna think about that. "I
still don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Apparently Karkat’s a troll virgin.”
“At least you know you’re not alone.”
“What good does that do?”
“Maybe it’s not about you for once, Dave. So you’re considering kismestitude
now? How diplomatic of you.”
“Fuck no. How much did you hear?” Strider facepalm.
“I don’t need to hear anything. I already know what happened. But, I can make
everything better!”
Dave looked up to see Rose cheerfully grasping two bottles of alchemized hooch.
“Wanna talk to your sis about it?”
“Gimme that.” Dave wasn’t in love with the stuff, but this was one night he was
willing to drink until he forgot.
***** HIGH FIDELITY IS SUCH A FUCKING GOOD MOVIE, FOR HUMANS ANYWAY *****
Karkat rubbed his eyes furiously with his sleeve. Fuck this night. He crept
quietly into his block, the moviegrub still on repeat. He mashed the stop
button as Troll John Cusack sadly organized his song disc collection for the
millionth time. The dim light from his husktop danced across a gracefully
curved horn and lanky gray arm… oh, yeah, Gamzee was staying the night. Karkat
rubbed the bridge of his nose. He’d been kind of hoping to just crawl in a hole
and die there, but hey, looks like things are just gonna keep getting worse.
Karkat walked over to the slumber plinth and sighed. No matter how long it had
been since anyone had a recuperacoon, Gamzee still thought that you take off
your clothes to sleep. Hell, he used to take off his clothes when he got really
wasted too. Karkat wondered how it was that his negligent lusus even convinced
him that clothing was necessary at all. Stupid clown, he’s gonna freeze to
death. He took the shirt dangling from one horn and laid it back over its
owner’s shoulder. Gamzee was blissfully asleep, grinning and sprawled across
the bed spreadeagle without any sense of common fucking decency. Karkat took
off his own shoes, then after some internal debate, his paint smeared shirt as
well. He picked up the corner of the ‘comforter’ and covered the less fit for
public view half of his friend, then wormed his way under the pile as deeply as
he could without pushing Gamzee clean off the bed. If he couldn’t stop
existing, he could at least hide, right?
In the silence, Karkat’s mind raced. Everything was his fault. His fault for
pushing Terezi away until she started dating outside of the whole goddamn
species. His fault for not hating Dave enough to walk the fuck away when he
turned to him for help. His fault for hating Dave enough to make him think that
that horrible incident was actually something Karkat had wanted. Karkat wished
for once that he could stop giving mixed signals to every potential quadrant
mate in the vicinity. Yet, here he was buried in a pile, with less than a foot
of wimpy plush comforter between himself and his naked moirail, who he may or
may not have performed very un-moirail like acts on earlier this very day.
Karkat teared up again. His whole existence must be a joke if he thought the
best thing in his life was his stupid shithead best friend, who couldn’t even
keep him in line well enough to stop him from tearing the roots of their
perfect serendipity from its freshly sown pale ground into the bleeding red
dirt of unrequited matespritship. Maybe he understood Eridan a little better
now? Great, there’s another shitty thing that’s his fault. Karkat ground his
teeth to keep from crying out loud and curled in a ball to wait another
sleepless night out. He was pretty sure everyone knew that his exemplary
leadership had to be counterbalanced by an equally staggering fault. How stupid
a fault it was that he needed them, all of them, because he couldn’t stand to
be alone with himself.
***** 2ave the priince22, wiin the priize *****
Chapter Notes
     This chapter might totally squick you out. Because, Eridan warning.
     If at any time you decide that the experience is unpleasant, please
     read the notes at the bottom of the chapter for the less graphic,
     plot essential parts of this chapter, and have a nice day.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Sollux sat in his respite block, having fled the scene of the nightmare.
Something was eating at the back of his mind, along with all the other stuff
that normally did. He cracked his knuckles and pulled up a few lines of code.
No sleep tonight.
The names of those files… against his better judgment, Sollux opened the cache
of files he’d uploaded to the main library from Eridan’s harddrive. Eleven file
folders, each with multiple videos. All named uncreatively similarly. Sollux
had cued up tofp-08ed.cam in the lab. It didn’t take a genius to figure out
that the video was ‘to feferi peixes’ , file eight out of…thirty seven? He was
up to thirty seven already?! There’s no way any normal troll would take so many
videos of… Sollux shook his head. Eridan was some kind of raging pervert. And,
that was only one folder? Wait, that meant the video he hadn’t watched was to…
Equius Zahhak?! What the hell, when did Eridan have a thing for him? And the
harness… Sollux was not the least bit curious where that was going. Three files
for Equius, four for Karkat, and only one or two for everyone else. Sollux’s
folder was empty. Sollux wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be relieved or
offended. Literally, Eridan made dirty vids for EVERY troll except him? Oh, now
it’s on. If he wasn’t interested in prying into Eridan’s private passtimes
before, he could at least find some embarrassing material to use at a later
date.
He opened tonl-01ed.cam. He skimmed through it double time. Some strange things
going on with a cat ear headband and a fur tail… ew. Okay. So, Eridan was
trying to play into their kinks? What was this, like some sort of shitty
seduction ritual? Okay, so Sollux wasn’t the easiest of people to get, but
really? Eridan couldn’t think of a single thing? And really, why was this
pissing him off, anyways. Time to be a vindictive asshole and send one of these
vids off to their intended recipient… wait, what if Eridan already had? Sollux
tracked the files’ movement. None of them had done anything than be moved from
one folder to another… most of them going into the FF folder. Sollux dug around
and found one that had originated in the tosc folder. Ha! So Eridan did have a
vid for him… wait, why was that a victory? Sollux cued it up and sat back.
Eridan was forcing himself down on a pair of very realistic toys… one red and
one blue. As he slicked them with the copious nookslime he produced, it became
apparent that there was no way he could fit both in his nook comfortably. A
dirty grin crossed his face as he slid the blue one out and rocked his
wastechute down on it until he took it to the hilt. Apparently that was not
just a nasty mammal thing. He rolled his hips against the two dildos suction
cupped to the chair, using his arms to hold him slightly off the seat. His
bulge wound tightly around itself, pressing against his globes as he breathed
heavily and worked up a sweat.
“ss.. Sollux.” Sollux jumped inside his skin as he heard his voice from the
speakers. Oh, that’s weird.
Eridan came hard, not even bothering to go for a bucket, splattering the edge
of the chair, and presumably the floor, with his juices. Instead of ending
there like the previous video, he leaned slightly forward in the chair, lips
parted and eyes glazed over with lust, and fucked himself harder until he came
a second time. Shuddering and adding to the pooling pleasure, his breath came
out in choked gasps.
“Oh, fuck. Fef, Feferi. He ground himself uselessly against the toys as his
spent bulge uncoiled on the chair, unable to retract while he remained impaled.
He leaned over to the camera, and through the blurry fingers, Sollux could just
make out his tear streaked face as the screen went cut to black. Okay. What the
fuck.
Sollux sat back. That must be why it was in the tofp folder… was that whole
folder a monument to his shame? Why wouldn’t someone just delete shit like
that? How long has this been going on? A search by date revealed a span of
about two months, with the most recent in Tavros’ folder. The vid was
timestamped just fourteen hours ago. Well, someone found a new interest. Sollux
cued it up, curious what a ‘successful’ vid entailed. He had a hunch.
It seemed as if Eridan had stopped hiding his face (or was that supposed to be
a kink?). He leaned away from the camera, revealing spread legs and his other
hand three fingers deep in his nook. Cut right to the chase now, huh? He showed
the camera an orange ball with a smirk, and pushed it into his nook with a wet
pop. Whatever it was, Eridan purred and fidgeted like it felt good. At least,
that was until something purple and slimy SCUTTLED OUT OF HIS NOOK …oh fuck
that was a fiduspawn egg. Sollux would never admit to anyone that he was just
sick in an empty cup of instant grubmac on his desk. Nope. As he wiped the
strands of spit from his face, the screaming started. Eridan was panicking, and
staring down at his nook. A magic- err, sciencecarp was desperately trying to
free itself from his body. The screaming continued after the camera went black
as Eridan struggled to stop the recording.
“Wwhat have I done? Oh, fuck… it hurts,” Eridan’s choked out between sobs. “
Please make.. it stop. Fef I need you… Oh Cod I need help.” A few bitter
wimpers escaped and the camera clicked off.
Not what he was expecting at all. Sollux sat in the uncomfortable silence when
the recording ended. So, Eridan needed help on a very undiginifed matter. No
one was ever supposed to see that. He’s probably fine by now anyway. After all,
it was just sciencecarp. Sollux shook his head and stood to clear his desk of
things that shouldn’t be there. He couldn’t go check on ED without admitting
what he’d just seen. But he couldn’t just ignore something that pathetic
either, right? Fuck that, that tool is still hung up on his matesprit. Saving
the princess is what you fucking DO in videogames, and it can’t be helped that
she wants to thank her hero properly, right? And repeatedly. Feferi made her
choice, and Eridan needs to accept that the choice was Sollux. Fucking
fiduspawn. Serves the guy right.
Sollux resumed his daily maintenance of the mainframe, deleting broken files
and reworking lines of code, making them more efficient. Also, making them red
and blue. YEAH! Putting his mark on things like this might be a little flashy,
but the only people left in the universe who might try to hack it were Dave and
Karkat. It would at least give them a headache long before they could
accomplish anything. Not that they ever could. Two hours slipped by in jarring,
beautiful color. A pinching headache began at the back of Sollux’s skull as a
voice wailed.
“sci-science carp-arp-arp.”
Fucking game, are they really up playing this late… oh. Hell no. Was that
really still a problem? That stupid monster was probably just shoved in a bowl
somewhere. Unless… Time for some shitty sleuthing.
twinArmageddons began trolling carcinoGeneticist
TA: Hey bulgeliicker you’re not 2leepiing are you.
TA: That’s not a que2tiion.
A few minutes passed with no response. Time to try a different approach. Sollux
was just about to send the contents of the tokv folder to Karkat when Trollian
finally pinged.
CG: YEAH. TOOK A MINUTE TO GET TO MY PALMHUSK.
TA: ii know you flung your pant2 off the 2econd you got iin the room, but you
2hould take your hu2k out fiir2t. that’2 an expen2iive piiece of equiipment.
CG: YOU ARE ALWAYS WRONG. MY PANTS ARE SOMEHOW STILL ON MY PERSON. EXACTLY
WHERE THEY SHOULD BE. I’M NOT THE ONE WHO’S SO EAGER TO FONDLE MY MUTATED
GENITALS IN A DARK ROOM THAT I TEAR MY CLOTHING OFF THE MOMENT I ARRIVE. THAT
WOULD BE YOU.
TA: 2ound2 liike you have me confu2ed wiith 2omeone el2e.
TA: have you 2een ED lately?
CG: YOU’RE WRONG AGAIN. I DON’T THINK ERIDAN WAITS FOR A DARK ROOM. I’M PRETTY
SURE HE’S DONE IT RIGHT UP IN THE LAB, IN YOUR CHAIR.
CG: ARE YOU SICK YET, BECAUSE I CAN KEEP GOING.
TA: mercy, ii’m plenty 2iick already. Ju2t tell me when you 2aw hiim.
CG: I DIDN’T SEE HIM ALL DAY. HE TROLLED ME HOURS AGO BUT HE NEVER TOLD ME WHY.
TA: Nothiing after that?
CG: NO.
TA: okay, goodnight.
CG: I’M NOT BITING TONIGHT. I’M NOT GOING TO ASK WHY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT AT
THIS FUCKING EYE-BLEEDINGLY EARLY HOUR OF THE DAY. I’M BUSY BEING CRUSHED BY
THE WEIGHT OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE.
TA: thank2 KK I’ll tell you later.
twinArmageddons ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist
delete conversation Y/N?
Sollux sighed and smashed the n. Being a hero fucking sucks.
Chapter End Notes
     OK, THE END NOTES ARE FOR PANTSSHITTING WIGGLERS. YOU PROBABLY HAVE
     TWO FINGERS UP YOUR NOOK RIGHT NOW AND ERIDAN MADE YOU SICK?
     ALRIGHT, GRUBFUCKING NOOKSTAIN, HERE'S HOW IT GOES. SOLLUX DOWLOADS
     ALL THE SHITTY VIDEOS. TURNS OUT AMPORA FONDLES HIMSELF TO EVERY
     TROLL LEFT IN PARADOX SPACE. SOLLUX WATCHES ONE IN WHICH OUR
     DISDUSTING PERVERT SEADWELLER PUTS A FUCKING FIDUSPAWN EGG IN HIS
     NOOK AND HUGE FUCKING SURPRISE, IT'S A BAD IDEA.
     APPARENTLY NO ONE HAS SEEN HIM ALL DAY AND SOLLUX DECIDES THAT HE
     SHOULD PROBABLY GO CHECK AND MAKE SURE HE'S NOT DEAD.
     SERIOUSLY, IF YOU MADE IT TO THE POINT THAT GROSSED YOU OUT, YOU
     SHOULD HAVE KEPT READING. THERE'S A PLOT-CRUCIAL, COMPELLING,
     DRAMATIC PESTERLOG INVOLVING ME, AND THAT'S THE ONLY HIGHLIGHT OF
     THIS PIECE OF SHIT CHAPTER.
***** Hot Cross Buns *****
Chapter Notes
     Happy Valentine's Day, cats and kittens.
Gamzee felt a strange buzzing against the back of his ribcage.
“FUCK.” A familiar voice reminded Gamzee where he was. Suddenly the bitchtits
pile he was getting his sleep on in turned into a bucking hoofbeast as his
friend flailed below him, scrambling to still his palmhusk. Most of the pile
hit the floor, but Gamzee managed to stay on somehow. He heard the soft
clicking of adorrible nubby claws on buttons as Karkat silently conversed with
someone. Gamzee rolled over on top of the now mostly exposed Karkat and
pretended to be asleep. He stole a peek at the tiny glowing screen. Solbro
again. They are such good friends. Karkat deserves lots of friends, he’s so
nice to all of them. Who else would answer their phone in the dead of …
whatever time it was? Who else would squirm under a pile to make it lumpy
enough for their best pal to get a mighty fine sleep goin? Who would be a tiny
little living furnace that he could cuddle up to and keep warm now that all the
covers had fallen off? Gamzee rolled on his belly and flopped his chest across
Karkat’s stomach. Felt warmer than usual… Gamzee nuzzled his face against an
unyielding shoulder. Karkat laid very still. Gamzee snored loudly to pretend
like he was asleep.
“Hey fuckass. Your horn is almost in my ear. I know you’re not asleep.”
Whoa motherfucker Karkat’s a motherfuckin genius. Gamzee was totally convinced
that he was still sleeping. :o(
Gamzee picked up his head and planted a tiny kiss on the end of that crabby
little nose.
“Knock it off. You can sleep for a few more hours.”
“Naw bro, I’m good. Wanna get some nosh on?” Gamzee yawned, showing all the
fangs in his mouth.
“Go back to sleep, its seriously going to be, like, four hours before anyone
else even gets up.”
“Okay best friend, whatever you say. I’ll stay right here.” Gamzee cuddled hard
against Karkat’s naked torso. That’s why it’s so warm! No shirt to be all
taking away some of that warmth for itself and all. Gamzee wormed his hand past
Karkat’s waistband. He slid his arm all the way down the pantleg and wrapped
his fingers around a tiny ankle.
“HEY! DAMNIT GAMZEE YOUR HANDS ARE LIKE ICE. GET OUT OF THERE.”
“But Karbro, you’re so warm. I could just climb inside your skin.” Gamzee
smiled against his shoulder and wrapped one leg around Karkat’s other leg.
“THAT’S A CREEPY THING TO SAY. ALL THE MORE REASON TO STOP DOING THAT NOW.”
“I wouldn’t really do that bro. It wouldn’t fit! Your skin is all full of you,
so there’s not enough room for me.”
“I’M GLAD YOU THOUGHT THAT THROUGH. NOW GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP.”
“I’m not tired anymore.” :o(
“God, we’ll go get something to eat, just stop making that awful face.”
“Yeah! You’re the best motherfucker!” Gamzee planted a big sloppy kiss on
Karkat’s angry little tummy before sitting up.
“I SAID KNOCK THAT THE FUCK OFF. AND GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY PANTS!” Oh, that’s
still there? Gamzee had wondered why it was so hard to sit up. Huh. Karkat’s
always looking out for him, what a sweet motherfucker.
Karkat sat up and pushed Gamzee off his leg. He idly rubbed at the shiny spot
where Gamzee had decorated him with maybe just a little drool. He stared down
at it really hard. Gamzee stood and walked towards the door, but Karkat just
scratched his leg purposelessly and sat there.
“Kar-bro-dog! Ain’t you comin?”
“Gamzee, you really need to put something on.” Karkat’s face went red all the
way to his ears when he said it.
“Wow, I can’t believe I all didn’t even know I was missin nothing!” Gamzee
wandered through the doorway to his block. He nodded to each of his clownbro
posters and gave his favorite a little fist bump. Sitting on the side of the
ablution trap, he took a deep breath. Getting your paint on was a holy
experience. Gamzee chanted softly in High Alternian as he applied each mark.
“A blank canvas for all the colors we seek
Dark eyes to hide our lack of sleep
Blood pulsing at our temples as we creep
An eternal smile from cheek to cheek.”
Karkat was looking at him from the doorway. His scowl spoke for him. Guess it
took a long time to worship properly? Gamzee stole a long look at him from the
mirror, pretending not to notice the annoyed glare. His close fitting pants
were only a few shades darker than his complexion. The pale gray skin pulled
tight across high shoulders and narrow ribs was completely unblemished save for
the charcoal grubleg scars on his chest. His arms and chest were muscular, but
his belly was softer. Too many movies and not as much training, as of late. His
neck was surprisingly graceful, not needing the thick muscles for holding up
heavy horns.
“You look good like that bro.” Gamzee nodded reassuringly.
Karkat scowled even harder and crossed his arms tightly over his chest before
absconding the doorway.
“YOU ARE SO STUPID THAT IT MUST CAUSE YOU PHYSICAL PAIN. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON,
FUCKNUB.”
A pair of pants came sailing through the doorway, followed by shoes that may
have been launched with force equal to that of his miracle modus. Karkat
reappeared in the doorway greedily pulling on a longsleeve that was a size too
big for him. He kicked a questionably clean Capricorn tee into the ablution
block. Karkat was like a tornado of calculated aggression. Gamzee supposed that
it might be threatening if he wasn’t just so motherfucking cute and soft on the
edges. He got up to hug his most bestest motherfucker, but the little
stormcloud had moved on out of the archway again. Gamzee stepped on an
overturned shoe, like it was reminding him not to leave without it again!
Shit’s all miracles. He carefully put on the shirt as so not to mess up his
sanctimonious facepaint, and stepped into the roomy pants. He shuffled the
sandals on and wiggled his toes. It’s like, they’re shoes, but not?
 
“YOUR SHIRT’S INSIDE- nevermind, its fine...” Gamzee cheerfully loped after his
perpetually disgruntled friend. That shirt was just too long. Was Karkat’s butt
toned like his arms, or soft like his belly? Gamzee couldn’t figure it out
under all the fabric. He opened his mouth to ask, but he had the distinct
feeling that Karkat wouldn’t give him a good answer. How could he? It’s all
like, behind him, so he can’t really see it. Maybe he could just sorta…Oh shit
Karkat’s been talking.
“… should really clean these halls. They’re all smeared with so much chalk and
paint and blood that it’s impossible to tell which is which anymore. In
retrospect, I think razing the houses of every grub ever born doesn’t really
motivate us to learn good housekeeping skills, and now there’re fourteen of us
swarming our mess all over a barely habitable but completely indispensable
space rock. Did Sollux and Aradia really need to bring back EVERYONE?”
“Well, who would you want all up and gone? I can remove a motherfucking pest
for you bro.” Nice save. :o)
Karkat got a sad look on his face. Whoops. Was that the wrong thing to say?
“Well, no one, Gamz. I don’t want anyone to die again.” Karkat’s face scrunched
up in its characteristic way as he opened the door to the comestibles chamber.
“Except maybe me, so I don’t have to see this awful eyesore called a
‘kitchen’.”
“Aw, bro, I’d never wanna have to kill my bitchtits most favorite troll.” He
ruffled Karkat’s already ruffled hair. Karkat swatted him away defensively.
“Good to know I guess? ” Karkat opened the colderator and rooted through the
stuff in contained. He bent further over as he passed the higher shelves and
dug through the weird drawers in the bottom. Who would keep clothes in a
colderator anyway? Gamzee found himself wishing the shirt was a little shorter
again. Maybe he could just kinda…
“WHAT IN THE NAME OF MOTHER GRUB’S FESTERING EGG TUNNEL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
DOING?”
“Lookin in the coldge with you.” Hmm, soft AND firm. Bitchtits. :o)
“IT SEEMS I WAS MISTAKEN THEN. I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT YOUR HAND WAS
THOROUGHLY FONDLING MY REAR END IN A COMPLETELY UNPRECEDENTED SHATTERING OF THE
LIMITS OF PALE PROXITIMY ALLOWANCES, BOLDLY STATING YOUR WISHES TO LOSE SAID
HAND.”
“It’s not motherfuckin unprecedented, Karkat.”
Karkat whirled around to face him. His nearly omnipresent scowl was
surprisingly absent. Karbro sure did look motherfucking good when he wasn’t
getting his grump on. Gamzee found himself staring for the second or millionth
time today. Karkat furrowed his brow and returned Gamzee’s look with a
skeptical glare.
“Are you just going to stand there with your food hole dangling open so a
hoofbeast fly can--- ”
Time to get your hush on, salty bro.
Gamzee leaned down and kissed him on the lips. They were soft, but not smooth,
and there was this barest hint of cinnamint fangpaste. Much to Gamzee’s
surprise, Karkat’s lips parted of their own accord when his tongue got curious
and somehow got itself to trying to taste this inside of Karkat’s mouth. The
round tip of his tongue even greeted Gamzee’s own with a careful caress. He
felt small fingers latch onto the hem of his shirt and fiddle with it idly.
Gamzee wasn’t sure which sensation he preferred more, the feeling of Karkat’s
uncommonly quiet mouth against his, or the small, fidgety movements that told
him volumes about what his bro was thinking and feeling without any words at
all. He decided he didn’t need to decide, because Mirthful Messiahs, it was
totally sloppy makeouts time! Except air. Now. As he pulled away to breathe,
Karkat pushed on his chest until Gamzee was forced to take a step back. His
most finest brother was all blushing and shit, but looking at him with this
weird looking look, like… that didn’t look like the face you should make after
a kiss! Maybe he was a terrible kisser? Maybe he was all up and like, choking
Karkat? His bro is all tiny, like he’s probably got tiny little lungs too, and
if Gamzee couldn’t breathe, then Karbro definitely---
“Gamzee, you can’t make out with your palemate,” he blurted. “It doesn’t work
that way. I know we kind of already dumped the shit in the oscillating
windmaker and turned it on ourselves yesterday, but we were both just a little
needy, and I took advantage of your openmindedness. I’m sorry, Gamzee, for
taking our beautiful pale pity and ramming it up my nook. There, feelings jam
over. Fuck you, fuck me, fuck the world, see you never. ”
Gamzee grabbed his wrist before he could make a motion to leave. Think, think,
motherfucker, before this tiny miracle all up and walks out of your life.
“Bro, don’t be all getting your harsh on over it,” Gamzee could almost see the
motherfucking self-depreciating thoughts kicking their wicked selves around in
Karkat’s thinkpan. Don’t need to hear all that shit to know it’s troubling a
brother. Especially when trouble doesn’t need to be had about anything at all.
“Besides, I got it in my thinkpan all lately that maybe, brother, there was
maybe like some color creepin up into our diamond? Like maybe you’d be down
with this kind of motherfucking whimsy?” The tall troll hunched down to make
his face level with his smaller friend.
“No,I… wait… …you… Well yeah, fuckass,” Karkat sighed. “But… “ Gamzee took that
as a prompt to squeeze again.
“Honk. ;o) Ain’t nothing to it then.” He pressed his lips gently to Karkat’s
and waited for him to reciprocate or suffocate. He didn’t have to wait long,
although the kiss he got was chaste and closed-lipped, and very hard, as if
Karkat was trying to push him away with his lips alone. A grumpy little grunt
mildly protested while his mouth was tightly shut. Stubborn little
motherfucker, they both wanted to get their mirthful sloppy makeouts on, but
his bro was all in motherfucking knots about breaking the rules. Good thing he
knew how to get Karbro’s chill the motherfuck on. Gamzee smoothed a crimson-
flushed cheek with his hand and lightly scratched behind his ear. The smaller
troll visibly relaxed into the touch, nuzzling his head against the careful
graze of sharp claws. As he turned his head, he presented a stripe of pale gray
neck that Gamzee attempted to measure in kisses. He smiled against the sinewy
length as Karkat sighed breathily in his ear.
“You like that, motherfucker?” Gamzee rasped as he licked the smooth skin and
sucked at the junction of neck and collarbone. Karkat nodded against the side
of Gamzee’s head as he shyly wrapped his arms around him. Purple fingertips
traced lightly down his sides and wormed their way under the oversized tee.
They settled in the small of his back, enjoying whatever warmth they could
steal. Wait, why was it all cold and shit? Bro’s supposed to be a little
miracle oven.
“Bro, your back is all cold??”
“That’s …because I’m standing in front …of an open cold box, you dipshit,”
Karkat breathed between kisses. That reluctance sure did melt away fast! Kinda
like where the frost should’ve been in the freezer, all liquefied miracle water
now. Gamzee mentally congratulated himself for helping his bro to get his chill
going. But, maybe not this kind of chill, too.
“Tits.”
He took a step back and guided Karkat forward with the hand against his back.
He swatted at the door to close it, but it sort of bounced off a certain salty
little troll. Really, just his arm. And not even that hard. That same salty bro
sidestepped, dislodging the larger troll’s hand from its newfound home, and
shut the colderator door. Civilly. Normally.
“There, was that so hard? I’m probably going to bruise where you hit me with
the fucking thing, have you been training with Equius?” There wasn’t any real
bite to the words, not with the little half grin that kept up and creeping into
the corners of Karkat’s most definitely not grumpy face.
“Bro, you are so motherfucking cute—“
“DON’T SAY IT. I’M ALL THAT AND A BAG OF KICK YOUR SORRY ASS.” He’s got to be
forcing that straight face.
“Aww, bro…”
“NO AWW. I’M ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.” Karkat closed the distance between them.
Really fast, actually.
“BRUTALLURING. SEDUCTIVIOLENT.” Karkat pushed him in the chest, not too hard,
but …when did that chair get behind him? Like it was all waiting to catch him
when he lost his balance bumping into it. Life is so full of wonder.
“Viciousexy,” he purred, inches from Gamzee’s face. Did Karkat just make these
fucking words up, or was he schoolfed some crazy fat dictionary as a grub? What
the motherfuck ever. Wait, Karbro’s gonna sit in the chair too? He put his arms
around the Cancer’s waist, because so he doesn’t fall? A pair of arms draped
over his shoulders as that warm little body leaned tightly against his. Karkat
was straddling his lap. Karkat was pressed against him and straddling his lap.
This was… very, very okay.
“So, Gamzee Fucking Makara, what am I?” Motherfucker, his lips were so close,
he could feel the breath blowing across his own. They brushed against his
maddeningly on that ‘w’.
“Uh…” Gamzee had no idea what his little motherfucker wanted for an answer,
aside from not ‘cute’. Damned if he wasn’t making it just a little hard to
think, though. Karkat sat back a little and laced his fingers together at the
back of Gamzee’s neck. Oh, man, he really is waiting for an answer. He probably
wants a movie-worthy declaration. If only Gamzee didn’t fall asleep five
minutes into every single one of them, he might know what to say.
“You’re my motherfucking miracle, bro!” :o)
“Fucking idiot… “ Karkat planted a soft kiss on Gamzee’s smiling lips.” …but
I’ll take it.”
And then Karkat was smiling too.
Gamzee gathered the Cancer to him in his lanky arms, sliding his hands inside
that baggy shirt and tracing aimless little shapes on the warm flesh inside.
They traded a few lazy affectionate kisses to whatever skin they could reach
without leaning away from each other. Gamzee decided that they could stay like
this forever, and that would be a-motherfuckin-okay. Wait a motherfucking
minute, what was that sound? Something rumbling…
“Dammit, Gamzee, go eat something.”
“It ain’t me, bro. You’re the one makin all that wicked vibration with getting
your motherfucking purr on. It’s c-“
“Fuck no, it’s your digestive sac, idiot,“ Karkat blushed way more than a troll
who wasn’t just caught making embarrassing happy sounds would.
“…and we just went through this, Gamzee. Don’t call me the ‘c’ word.”
“I’m all up and about to, if this is what it gets me. Honk!” That sweet bro
rump was like a magnet to his hand. Gamzee couldn’t even pretend to know how
that worked, but hey, motherfuckin miracles and all.
“You wouldn’t dare.” Karkat shot a warning look. Damn, he is so much cuter
without his face all scrunched up. Gotta speak the truth when it’s all up and
singing in your bloodpusher!
“Bro, You’re so c-“
“DON’T SAY IT.”
“..cuuuuuuu”
“AM NOT!”
….uuuterrible.”
“Fuck you, go eat something.” Karkat lazily headbutted him. Those little horns
were just perfect, all harmless and so. Motherfucking. Cute.
***** Glowing White, Sweet Red, and Blushing Rosé *****
Kanaya shut her book as the door to her block opened. Only one person would
dare to enter unannounced, so it was with a smile on her face that she looked
up to see Rose.
“Good day to you, my red, red Rose.” Her smile faltered only a bit when she
caught a whiff of the stinging alcohol scent. Rose draped herself languidly all
over her, partly out of affection and partly out of a need to not fall over.
“What is the occasion for the human soporifics?” She rubbed the girl’s back
soothingly. It was not that she scorned the substance, it just… altered Rose’s
ability to have an intelligent conversation.
“Dave got rejeck ted. And… He needed a hug. And a,” She overdramatically
pantomimed drinking out of a bottle, “friend.” A goofy grin looked out of
character on her prim features.
“ What is this about? Did Terezi leave him? I thought you had begun auspicing
between …” Kanaya’s smile fell into a look of concern.
“What? They’re broke up? Huh, no wonder he hit on… beep beep meow. Uh,Karkat!”
Well, that’s some new information. Time to try and assemble the fragments of
Rose’s brain.
“I was unaware that those two had quadranted feelings for one another. While I
agree that their interactions contain an alarming amount of flirtacious
exchange, I would not think that either of them bore any intent to pursue it.”
“Nope! It’s a one-way street, and Car-cat left Sir David high and dry, but I
fixed it!” Rose’s hands wandered quite a bit when she was intoxicated. It was
not entirely unwelcome, just counterproductive to gathering information.
“What exactly did you repair? Am I correct in assuming this has nothing at all
to do with Terezi? How is your auspicing going?”
“I haven’t been doing nothing! Auspicing is harderer thatn I thought it would.
Be.” Rose had an adorable pout on her face, one that she would never wear if
she had any control over it. Kanaya enjoyed these moments of freedom, like a
secret to keep all for herself. Rose was fairly well gone at this point, so as
much as her mind scrambled to put all the pieces in place, she would have to
set the whole mystery aside until Rose was more like her normal self. In the
meantime, however… Kanaya pulled her shirt back down to its proper location.
“Why don’t we get you washed up? You have spent all night out, and I think you
will feel much more at ease with a fresh change of clothes.”
“Hmmm, you’re so smart Kanaya, that’s why I love you…” The jade blood gasped as
Rose’s fingers zeroed in on her grubleg scars as if she could see through her
shirt. Kanaya gently grasped the roving hands and held them at their sides.
“I care for you also, but I believe it is best to ablute, now.” Kanaya can’t
say she didn’t appreciate the way her matesprit looked her up and down just
now.
“By myself? But, what if I fall?” Rose batted puffy but still lovely eyes at
her. Hmm, sobering up already? She did have a point though.
“. . .” Kanaya took her hand and led her to the ablution block. Rose ‘stumbled’
as soon as they stepped inside, pressing the troll against the wall. She
giggled at the unamused look on the taller girl’s face.
“ Hee hee,oops.” She stole a quick kiss before turning around and flinging her
tunic off on one motion, leaving a marigold pile of crinkled fabric in her
wake. She made a good effort of trying to remove her leggings standing up
before she got the idea to sit on the side of the trap. Kanaya smiled to see
how such a simple thing was taking all of Rose’s concentration. It seemed that
although she forgot to take off her shoes before the pants, she was immensely
intent on taking it all off in one shot. So intent that she slipped backwards
off the edge of the trap. Kanaya crossed the distance in half a human heartbeat
and caught the girl by the waist. Rose smiled up at her sheepishly.
“Perhaps you would like to remove your footwear first?”
“Bending over makes me dizzy.”
“Ah, I see. Do you require assistance?” Kanaya was only answered by a wide
grin. She waited for the blonde to seat herself steadily before she carefully
freed each foot from its blue prison. She shucked the balled up leggings from
slender ankles… and also purple striped underwear. She spared a glance up, and
Rose was watching her coquettishly. She stood, and folded the clothing neatly
and set it on the faucetbowl counter. Rose had shakily stood up, and was
staring at the shower knobs as if they were a Rubicks cube before fiddling with
them. She still wore the delicate cream lace brassiere that Kanaya made for
her. It cradled her soft human bosoms perfectly as she jumped back, having
successfully activated only the cold water. A little smirk was on her face as
Kanaya quickly undressed herself and captchalogued both sets of clothing for
later washing. She stepped behind the other girl and carefully undid the clasps
on the remaining piece of clothing. Rose stood up straight and let her remove
it. Kanaya hung the undergarment over the towel rack and allowed her hands to
continue the task said garment had been fulfilling. Human skin was so soft, and
covered in such tiny, gossamer little hairs. She admired the way the flesh
settled between her fingers slightly as Rose leaned back against her. A kiss to
the back of the neck, then she stepped away. Rose watched her lazily as she
deftly operated the shower knobs to obtain a proper showering temperature.
Kanaya stepped inside and extended her hand.
“It is clear to me that you are still somewhat unsteady on your feet. I do
believe it best if I were to join you. If that is alright with you?”
“Why, yes, Miss Maryam.” Rose giggled as she stepped over the trap wall. Kanaya
pressed the supple pink skin against her already damp self. The human girl
wasted no time in targeting her grubleg scars again. Kanaya bit her lip and
grasped Rose’s hands. She pushed a soapy cloth into one of them, and placed the
hand back on her chest. Rose seemed to get the idea, and soon her hand was
exploring every sensitive area of her body under the guise of ‘washing up’. She
shampooed the both of them with some considerable effort, since Rose seemed to
take great pleasure in thoroughly washing only the spots that made Kanaya’s
breath hitch. Her nubs had never been cleaner, certainly. She gently shoed
Rose’s washcloth away from her buttocks and leaned the girl into the spray to
rinse the soap from her blonde locks. After rinsing her own, Kanaya took the
cloth from Rose and smoothed it across the tender pink flesh of her human
nipples. Rose moaned softly when Kanaya moved on to clean other parts of her
body. She keened enthusiastically whenever she passed over her favorite little
spots, as if Kanaya didn’t already know where they were. She may have been a
little deliberately slow in cleaning her way up the girl’s inner thighs, just
to enjoy those sounds a bit more. She soaped up the silken patch of blonde hair
than humans had oddly not on their heads. Rose whimpered and bucked into the
touch. Hmm, enough abluting. She watched as rivulets of water carried the
bubbles away from her creamy complexion. Rose leaned back against the shower
wall and pulled Kanaya with her. She parted her thighs and stood on her
tiptoes, and when she rocked her hips again, Kanaya’s bulge readily slipped
inside her. The human moaned aloud and wrapped one leg around the taller girl’s
hip, and Kanaya responded with a thrust that pinned her against the tiles. God,
she was red for this girl. She carefully coiled and wriggled her bulge inside
the warm, pulsing cavity that Rose so eagerly presented to her. As she caressed
every inch inside the girl, Rose attempted to touch every inch of Kanaya. She
exchanged a tender kiss with those perfectly pink lips. Kanaya guessed that
their hue had earned Rose her name. The other set of lips squeezing tightly
around the base of her bulge, however, impeded any further progress on her
train of thought.
When she spread her feet apart for better stability, she was surprised to feel
soft fingertips slip just barely into the opening of her nook. Kanaya purred
permissively. After a few polite exploring strokes, Rose brushed against her
shameglobes. Kanaya was embarrassed by the complete loss of any refinement in
the sounds with which she expressed herself. A jade blush crept across her
cheeks as her eyes met Rose’s.
“Oh, I…” she stammered. Should she apologize?
The girl just smiled deviously, and drove her fingers as deeply as she could
inside Kanaya, swirling firm circles against her globes. They matched the
rhythm of the human’s rutting hips. It was all Kanaya could do to keep them
both upright as she orgasmed, expelling her mating fluids deep inside her
partner. Rose made a dangerously animal noise and squirmed violently. Oh dear.
“Rose, I…” She should apologize.
“Oh…Yes!!!” she panted. The girl bucked particularly vigorously and Kanaya
could feel the throbbing around her bulge, much like a heartbeat. Rose opened
her eyes and gazed at Kanaya, mouth agape and her face flushed. God she was
beautiful.
“Rose?” Kanaya asked very softly, not wanting to break the mood.
“Mmm…Do that every time.”
“It is … counterintuitive as a troll, but it can be… arranged if you so wish.”
The squirming against her spent but still pleasantly sensitive bulge was
distracting.
“I wish it, Kanaya. I.Wish. It.” Each word was punctuated by a tiny kiss. If it
was possible to wax redder for an individual than Kanaya already was, it was
happening. Relieved that her passionate faux pas was a welcome experience, she
lazily wrapped her arms around the other girl. Her tentacle reluctantly
retreated, and Rose squeezed her legs together. It was Kanaya’s turn to smile.
“Like it as you may, Rose, you cannot keep it.” Kanaya eased one hand between
her thighs and stroked the tiny pleasure bead nested within the petals of her
beautiful human organ. She spread her legs involuntarily in response, and
Kanaya firmly stroked the delicate kernel. Rose wordlessly announced her near
immediate second orgasm, bucking rhythmically against her hand as jade gushed
out of her with each spasm, pearly strands of her own fluids sparingly swirled
within. Kanaya held her until it stopped, then steadied Rose on her own feet.
She carefully abluted away the last of the evidence, and shut off the quickly
cooling shower. She toweled off her lover with all the care and none of the
teasing with which they had washed up.
“I love you.” Rose wrapped her arms sleepily around Kanaya’s neck and mumbled
softly against her sternum.
“I human love you also.” Kanaya petted her hair with the corner of the towel,
smoothing the damp strands clinging to the side of her face.
“I am going to lay down for a bit. I don’t think we will be missed for another
few hours.” Rose was sounding more like herself; it was comforting to hear her
soft, even candor.
“If I am not mistaken, your phrasing implies that there is an event which
unwaveringly requires our presence?”
Rose simply smiled, and walked off to the bed-pile. She paused to grab a fresh
set of underwear from the dresser, then pulled on one of the Virgo tees stored
in the next drawer down. She climbed into the Morrocan style bed they’d
compromised on, and pushed enough silk pillows out of the way to make room to
lie down. Kanaya watched her for a moment, then turned out the lights. The soft
glow of her own bioluminescence scattered sparkles across the gold threaded
tapestries as she clambered into the pile of heavily beaded and tasseled
cushions. She flipped her book back to her previous mark, and tried to pin her
curious mind to the bawdy tales of fictitious rainbow drinkers and their
absurdly improbable adventures.
Or, so thought the girl who physically present inside a computer program,
dating an alien, had had her dead friends resurrected, and was hurtling through
space at roughly light speed. She tried to focus on the immensely mundane tales
of fictitious rainbow drinkers and their uni-racial, hunger driven
relationships. The troll was soon as asleep as her human matesprit.
***** in on a gray horse *****
Powerful arms stretched skyward , accompanying a sleepy yawn. Equius sat up on
the edge of the sleeping plinth, a tangle of humid white linen preventing
further progress. He pulled the sheet away from where it clung to his legs.
These expanses of fabric were very absorbent, and he was getting better rest
not having to wake up in the night to find a fresh towel after an invigorating
dream. Nepeta’s arms dangled haphazardly off the corner of the plinth where she
was otherwise folded up to the smallest size she was capable of. Hat askew and
mouth hanging open, she snored lightly and obliviously. Best not to wake her
just yet. If there was one thing his moirail enjoyed, it was sleep. Sleep at
daytime, naps on top of the highest constructions in the block, snoozing on
whatever project was most freshly tinkered with. To wake her was to have a bad
start. Changing the sheets would simply have to wait until later in the day. He
paused in his journey to the washroom to collect a fresh set of garments. And,
several towels. He frowned for a moment at the lack of fresh towels.
Oh, how he missed Aurthur.
The water pattering against the shower called him from his nostalgia. Stepping
inside, he washed himself with the utmost care. The cool water cleared the last
clouds of sleep from his mind. Best to get an early start. There was machinery
to check in the lab, and maintenance on Tavros’ legs. He considered also
examining Vriska’s arm, until he remembered that in attaining God Tier, she had
abandoned his fine work in favor of her own fleshy arm. He scoffed out loud at
the thought. Oh, he just broke the back scrubber. He slid the shower door open,
SO CAREFULLY, just enough to lean out and discard the unfortunate bathing tool.
A gray streak darted in at the opportunity, but went stumbling out just as
quickly.
“Waaah, Equius! It’s so COLD in there!!! What could mew possibly want it that
cold fur?”
“Good evening, Miss Nepeta. You may turn the temperature to a more suitable one
when I am finished.”
“I don’t want to wait! It’s my turn. You shower furever.”
“A day does not start without one being properly clean.”
“I agree. That’s why I want a shower meow.”
“Neigh, I will not get out now. You will practice patience.”
“I will not! I’ll just get clean withmeowt it!”
“You will not lick yourself and call it bathing.”
“But, Equi-”
“You will not. It is not becoming of a lady.”
“… Okay.”
Equius turned off the water SO GENTLY and stepped out of the shower. Wringing
his hair out with one towel, he groped blindly for another to wrap around his
waist.
“Equ- nevermind. You can have that.”
Nepeta ducked into the shower and heaved the door shut. Equius snugly tucked
what was apparently a kitty hood into the front of his towel sarong, securing
it. Oops. He placed a fresh towel on the now vacant hook and carefully plugged
in the hair dryer. Hmm, fourteen seconds before he broke it. This design was
better than the last one.
“Why don’t you just let me dry it fur you?”
“I will perfect this device yet.” He gathered the salvageable parts from the
sink and set them aside.
Passing a faithfully ‘unbreakable’ comb through his raven tresses, he shrugged
the waterlogged towel from his shoulders. He tugged one sturdy, stretchy tank
on. Unfurling the kitty towel wrap, he sat on the edge of the commode to pull
up his striped… stretchy leg cover things. He’d never seen anyone else wear
them, but they were amazing at wicking away sweat when he was fighting, or
working, or.. existing. Biting his lip in intense concentration, he managed to
coat one leg in the alternating sheer and opaque stripes of black. He grabbed
another leg-sock out of the pile, and … oh. He ripped it. One, two, four… the
fifth one went on properly, as the first. Once, there was a time where they
were joined as a single garment, but it was easier to discard only an
individual ripped leg sheath than to undo the work of a properly applied one.
Black briefs glided up the nylon coated skin with ease, and he stepped into
durable gray shorts not designed for softness. He captchalogued the machinery
on the sink before the moisture could damage it further. Shower still running,
he peeked inside to see Nepeta curled up sleeping in the excessively steamy
shower. He EXTREMELY DELICATELY turned off the shower. No sense in letting your
moirail drown.
He left shiny wet footprints on the floor as he left the lavatory to find his
shoes. So much to do today.
***** one fish, two fish, red fish.... edited for copyrights *****
Eridan pulled the cape tighter around his shoulders. The knocking wasn’t going
away. He felt lightheaded and sick and completely unable to get up. And the
fucking knocking was too much. He picked a block away from all the rest; no one
would just stumble upon it thinking it was an occupied restroom or some shit.
Why else would you knock like that? Knock, knock, knock. He pushed off the cape
and slunk below the surface of the purple tinged water in the ablution trap.
Ting, ting, ting. The bangs sounded like far off clinks of metal below the
surface. He’d had his head against the side so long one of his gills had gone
numb; now it was all pins and needles and hard to breathe. He didn’t care. Some
of the pings sounded like buzzing now. And yelling. Groggily, he picked his
head up above the water. Whoever it was sure wanted in. He almost thought it
might be Feferi. There was a time once when she would have checked up on him
after hours of silence, but not now.
“ED?”
Oh no, It had to be him. Eridan stiffened at the sound of that voice. It sent
new waves of pain shooting through his gut. Damn. Why the fuck was he here?
Stay quiet, Ampora, and maybe he’ll just leave. Sollux couldn’t find him like
this, he couldn’t. He’d risked his mortal life to bring everyone back from the
dead, and here he was, doing stupid things and throwing it all away. He’d tried
to kill him. Sollux could have left him dead. But he didn’t. Maybe that piss
blood just meant that he had a heart of gold. Gold… Eridan stared at the rings
on his fingers. There were a few less than he used to have. Coddamn corpse
robbers. He’d have to ask Gamzee where his body had been so he could look
there. Whenever that guy stopped being so intimidating. Kill all land dwellers?
Eridan just had to let that guy do all the work, then figure out how to kill
him. Kind of a moot point now, really. Last time he checked, there wasn’t an
ocean on the meteor, making all of them land dwellers now. Well, at least he
was exterminating one of them. Maybe. The pain was worse than when he was cut
in half. Maybe that’s because it wasn’t so long between wound and death. He
rubbed the dark straight scar across his midsection absentmindedly. Such a
clean cut made such an ugly scar. He heard the door swing open. Fuck. The last
thing he wanted was for anyone to find him like this. Damn it, why couldn’t he
just die already? He leaned his head on the side of the trap again and took a
deep breath.
“I’m tryin ta sleep you inconsiderate fuck! Go awway!”
“IIn the ablutiion block…?”
“Uh, yeah, ‘seadwweller’!”
“okay…”
That seemed to end the conversation. Eridan heard nothing else but the tinny
ringing is his sponge clots. He lay back down on the trap bottom and watched
the trails of purple blood leave little eddies and whorls as he moved his
fingers back and forth through the water. This was a much more comforting way
to go then last time. If only his body would hurry up and give out. He rolled
his eyes upward, and saw a wavy face not his own staring back at him. A scrawny
pair of arms pulled his limp body out of the water’s embrace.
“ED are you okay?” Sollux’s freaky bicolored eyes were unreadable.
“I’m fin fuckin tastic. So leavve.”
“There’2 blood everywhere, II can’t ju2t leave!”
“Just let me die already!”
“You’re not dyiing, ED. 2top beiing 2o dramatiic. Geez.” Did he just roll his
eyes? That tone implied it, but its not like the guy has pupils or anything to
indicate the gesture. For all he knew, Sollux could’ve had that reaction to
every word he’s ever said.
“Wwater you evven fuckin doin?!”
“Tryiing to get you out of the trap.” Sollux had his arms hooked under Eridan’s
and left him heaved up halfway. The side of the trap pressed into the soft part
below his ribcage, squashing his internal organs and renewing the throbbing
spasms of bleeding pain that he was only just becoming dulled to. The warm,
soft skin of Sollux’ hands felt like velvet against his wet shoulders. They
were trapped in an awkward sort of hug, with Sollux not able to move him
further. Pathetic. His wimpy little arms didn’t even have the strength to move
a single body? How was it that this little shrimp was running around rescuing
people? Really unlikely. Wasn’t Karkat supposed to be the mutant red fucking
savior of them all? Or is that still a secret? You learn a lot from the dead.
Which he’s about to be again.
Sollux put one foot against the side of the tub and pulled with all his might,
mashing Eridan’s hipbones against the rim and making his see stars from the
blinding waves of pain. He slipped back into the water as Sollux lost his grip.
“You’re … makin it wworse, ugh…”
“2orry. Iif you’d cooperate thii2 would be a lot ea2iier. You’re liike, a two
hundred pound wet noodle…”
“Just cull me! I think my fuckin insides are comin out…” he hissed through
clenched teeth.
“Really, ED. II don’t thiink iit2 that bad.”
“You don’t evven knoww wwhats wwrong!“
“ehehehe, and you make fun of the way II talk. Ju2t 2tay 2tiil.” Whatever
Eridan had to say was cut off by a crackle of red energy sparking through the
air. Blue soon joined, and suddenly Eridan was weightless. Or, not quite. He
could feel pressure where the energy supported him, and it was all tingly. Some
of it was in places he’d rather not have tingling.
“Hey wwatch wwhere you’re puttin those things!”
“They’re really more of a weapon, ED. Ii’m trying… not two cru2h your bone2.”
Sollux set him down on his feet, not particularly gently. Eridan’s insides did
not fall out. The energy dispersed instantly and he stumbled, but stayed
upright. Hmm… standing up, the pain wasn’t so bad. Maybe he was going to live
after all. Sollux scrunched up his face and held his head in his hands, rubbing
his temples.
“Wwhat the hell, wwhats wwrong wwith you?”
“Fuck, Ii’m two tiired for thii2 2hiit. iit’2 giiviing me a headache.”
“Uh, sorry… or thank you …or somefin,” Eridan scratched his head. He snatched
his cape off the side of the trap and pulled it tightly around him. “Wwhy did
you come here?”
Sollux looked up at him, hands still on his temples. Or, at least his head
moved in Eridan’s direction. Maybe he was staring at the floor. Eridan wondered
if the skinny troll knew he was soaking wet.
“Don’t, ED.”
“I kinda think I deservve to knoww wwhy you’re in my block at this uncodly
hour. Unless you’re goin to tell me that it’s a fuckin coinseadence that you
were passing by. And knockin like there wwas another murderspree goin on.”
“ED, ju2t leave iit be.”
So… he didn’t have an answer? Here they were together, showing each other the
very most pathetic sides of each other. Was this meant to be? That serendipity
shit that Karkat’s always going on about? Seaing Sol’s body all frail and in
that pain… kinda makes him wanna protect that guy. Eridan regretted almost
killing him. And if Sol’s here saving him again, it must mean that he doesn’t
want to see Eridan in trouble either. Could this be… red? Beautiful, flushed
red?
“I’m … thinkin some funny things right noww, so wwhy don’t you tell me wwhat’s
your motivvation?"
“II’m sorry, ED. Don’t a2k me why… but…”
“Just say it!”
“… DON’T A2K ME WHY BUT II 2AW YOUR 2TUPIID VIIDEO! OKAY?!” Eridan opened his
mouth, then closed it. Several times. Nothing came out. He crossed his arms
around himself under his cape and turned his back to Sollux. He suddenly became
very aware that his cape made him not naked only by technicality.
“….howw?”
“Iit2 a long 2tory. And II 2aiid don’t a2k me.”
“…but…”
“Ju2t 2top. And II won’t a2k you why you were doiing what got you iinto
thii2!!!”
Eridan stood there sheepishly. Or seapishly. Wwhatevver. Sollux could hack
anything. Eridan should’ve known it was only a matter of time. But for him to
come looking for things like THAT on his computer… this was moving so much
faster than he dared hope. Wait… what if Sol only came here because he thought
Eridan would put out? Is it possible to red rape someone? Because looking at
that too-thin body draped in fabric wet with bathwater and blood, the arms that
couldn’t pick him up, the mind that caused the body pain for trying…. There was
an overwhelming pity growing inside him, like he’d never felt before. Whatever
the reason, he’d give Sollux anything he came for. And more. He softened his
expression, and turned to face Sollux… who was staring at the load gaper.
“At lea2t that’2 not a very biig 2ciiencecarp.”
“I knoww! Thank Cod, right? Cuz they’vve got these … sharp. Spikes. Like, on
their fins.”
“Ii diid not know that.” Sollux toggled the flush lever absentmindedly. An
awkward silence set is as the two of them watched the dead monster swirl and
stubbornly refuse to go down the drain until the second flush.
“Servves you right, you damn jerk. It hurt like a bitch, but I think it’ll heal
quickly. I mean, seadwweller and all.”
“…you 2ay that a lot?” Sollux gave him a quizzical look. So he doesn’t know?
That… maybe that means he and Fef haven’t really gotten down to it. Maybe they
weren’t meant to be, then?
“Uh, I probably shouldn’t be the one tellin you this, but wwe seatrolls havve
spines. You knoww… to keep things from slippin around too much underwwater.”
Sol’s eyes opened wide enough to fall out of his head. They didn’t, but they
could’ve. Damn it Eridan, you scared him. Pull it back, or he’ll never want to
fully realize this blossoming relationship. He’s obviously a little gun shy if
he and Fef have yet to...
“But, they don’t hurt or anyfin! And wwe don’t have to use them… Wwe can hold
‘em back if wwe’re tryin. I’m pretty good at it.”
“Ii’m leaviing now. Good niight.” He left the bathroom and headed for the exit.
“Wwait, I didn’t evven thank you for savvin me.” Eridan hurried after him,
squeezing his eyes shut as his wounds protested the rapid movement.
“You diidn’t thank me the fiir2t tiime eiither, ED. ii know you’re the priince
iin dii2tre22, but ii’m not really lookiing two be thanked liike that. ii’m no
hero. Where doe2 that iidea even come from? Thii2 ii2n’t that kiind of viideo
game. Ju2t 2tay iin and heal up. ii’ll 2end 2omeone wiith food for you. Do you
need 2omeone el2e, not me, two take a look at iit?”
“No, I don’t need nofin like that…” Damn it, Sol. Trying to take care of him
and not asking for anything at all. That almost sounds like charity… Eridan
Ampora is no charity case. When he opened his eyes, Sollux was already three
steps from the door. Eridan caught up to him as his fingers touched the handle.
He instinctively turned when Eridan grasped his wrist.
“Thank you Sol, for tonight.” Eridan dropped his voice to a low purr.
“You’re wel-“ Eridan cut him off with a short, soft kiss. Sol looked a little
bewildered, and his hand groped for the door handle behind him. Eridan put his
hands on those bony shoulders, and caressed the length of his arms fluidly
until he held both hands. He laced his fingers between long bony ones. They
felt so warm against his skin.
“And thank you for bringing me back.” Eridan felt the Gemini's body tense as he
kissed him again, sucking on his lower lip and tasting him. Eridan thought it
might be the sweetest kiss he’d ever had. Even if Sol wasn’t really kissing
back. Maybe he’s just not a really affectionate guy? Back it off, then, Eridan.
Don’t scare him again. He let the other go and stepped back. Wet Tshirt fabric
peeled away from seadweller torso where the two of them had pressed together.
The stretch pulled it back against its owner with a little snap, plastering it
against his hollowed ribs and sunken stomach. He plucked at the hemline until
it pulled away from him and hung normally. Sol gave him a weak, uncertain
smile, and opened the door.
“Swweet breams, Sol.” Eridan called after him.
“…yeah…”
He watched him walk down the hall until he turned the corner. Then he stared at
the empty hallway a little longer. Doubt started to nag at him. What if that
was too much? It HAD to be fate that brought them there, baring each other’s
weaknesses, blooming the sweet red flower of the most passionate quadrant…
right?
He heard shuffling footsteps in the hall. He turned defensively, reaching for
his wand that was not there. It occurred to him for the second time that night
that he was wearing only his cape.
“UGH…”
Dave Strider waveringly stood for a moment at the end of the hallway. The heavy
scent of human soporifics drifted down the hall. He turned, leaned over, put
both hands on the wall, and promptly emptied his digestive sac. Eridan thought
this was a good a time as any to stop presenting full frontal nudity to the
hall and shut his door before any other smells made their way in. That Dave
sure has a disgusting habit.
***** Oh snop! I see what you did there. *****
Rose held her liquor far too well for a girl her age.
That may have been the first coherent thought Dave had in the last six hours.
But now that he started thinking, he couldn’t stop. Except when he punctuated
it with vomit. His eyes were watery, and between that and his stupid shades,
he’d wandered pretty far and had NO IDEA where he was on the meteor. Stupid
sister, letting him go charging off on his own. If he was this sauced, he was
willing to bet his own sweet ass that Rose was too distracted to use her powers
to fuck with him. So, there was no way this was even for his own good. Man, he
was a little sick of having siblings that always fuck up his plans under the
guise of “knowing what’s best.” Fuck that noise. Right up its asshole. Like, if
the meteor was a gay bar, that noise would be the tastiest, skinniest, most
doe-eyed, barely-legal twink in the club full of hungry leatherbears looking
for a good time. And that noise would know it. It’d be all ass in the air,
‘come get some of this’ until every creep in the place had a turn. That noise
would have its goddamn phone number carved in the bathroom stall before the
night was over. That noise sure is a cockslut.
BARF.
Man, why did his brain even go there? He wandered further down the corridor.
Ugh, maybe he watched a little too much porn the night before? Then there was
that weird shit Sollux…
Oh, fuck.
At the other end of the hall, fucking Eridan was standing ass fucking naked.
Dave turned and painted a technicolor yawn violently across whatever stretch of
wall happened to be unfortunately located next to him. He became dimly aware
that he’d gotten some on his shirt. More then once.
Yeah, never wanna see that guy again.
As he glanced around with dewy-eyed vision, seeking a bathroom, the night’s
events took cheap shots to his brain in sparks of embarrassing clarity. He
shook his head to clear them, but the dizzy headache the spirits had left
behind hurt as much as remembering.
He took a chance on a door with a genderless stick figure that looked a little
like the Devil. Success. He discovered a dingy and disused, but blessedly
unoccupied, restroom. Dave could never figure out why every bathroom had a
shower stall at the end of the rows of toilet stalls, or why there were never
urinals. He stopped caring after a while, but the oddity of the former was
pleasantly convenient at the moment. Pondering the stupid bathroom also kept
him from piecing together the shitty flash video of unsequenced events his
memory had coughed up. At least he wouldn’t have to try clean himself from the
sink. He dropped his pants for the second time that night. Oh, god why was that
familiar… he remembered Rose being there, too. Oh, geez. Why was he sans pants
in front of his sister? There’s no way anything happened, she’s into girls, and
Dave was the epitome of human masculinity, so no worries there. Plus, she’s
basically his sister. Bro taught him to just say no when it came to
Stridercest.
 Tch.
He captchalogued the crusty clothing and stepped in the shower. He turned it on
and allowed the cold water to blast away the last of the clouds drifting in his
mind. As it warmed, he remembered being warm another time that night. Or, his
body suddenly and violently remembered the feeling of being smothered in warmth
and pinned to the floor under Karkat, grinding against him.
Oh God.
Dave took his traitorous erection in hand. Don’t think of Karkat, oh shit you
are totally thinking about Karkat. Karkat touching his dick, Karkat’s warm gray
skin, Karkat’s muscular weight pinning him to the floor, holding him down while
he rode him… he could’ve just torn off his pants and slid his thick cock into
that hot little opening he knew was waiting for him, making Karkat scream like
the little virgin he was…
Dave came suddenly against the shower tile, spurting thick ropes that clung to
the wall before tumbling down in the current. He stared at the milky wisps as
they sucked down the drain.
Oh fuck, that was a thing that just happened.
He turned off the drain and stood there in the drafty cold, waiting to dry.
***** contemplation and conjugation *****
What the hell was that?
Sollux stumbled out the door and into the hallway. Don’t run, don’t run… he
made it around the corner before breaking into a dead sprint for the safety of
his block. What the fuck was Eridan thinking, kissing him like that? He hadn’t
even wanted it, but it was like electricity on his lips. Electricity that went
straight to his groin. The worst part was, it felt just like when he kissed
Feferi. Did that mean that he had feelings for Eridan? Fuck, no. Unless it’s
black? That didn’t feel like a black kiss. So then…red?
So shitty is he, Sollux Captor. His body responds to just anybody now, doesn’t
it? Or, maybe he's just with Feferi because she acted first, and he doesn't
feel anything but hormones and lust for her? What if someone else had moved in
on him first? Sure, they had something of a thing before all the crap went
down, but… Sollux never gave any of this any thought before right now. Man, he
was a shitty matesprit.
He flung the door of his block open with psionics and went barreling through.
He shut it behind himself as a reflex and had his hand on the door of his
ablution block when it opened from the inside. He was not ready for this right
now.
“Hi, Sollux.”
Feferi smoothed a tendril of long hair behind her earfin and stepped into view.
She was wearing… some frothy sheer thing that was way too short and totally
see-through and Sollux could absolutely not take his eyes off it.
“Do you like it? Kanaya made it for me.”
Sollux nodded dumbly, mouth agape. Feferi closed the distance and caught his
dangling lip with hers, and it was all over. Sparks danced across his skin and
he was pressed against the doorframe, standing on tiptoe and barely breathing
and gasping for air and for her and happy just to have more of her. Everything
was moving too fast and their bulges squirmed against each other and the damp
fabric of his cargo pants clung to him uncomfortably. When did they both end up
on their knees? He was dimly aware of his palmhusk beeping out a message
announcement. Their eyes met for a moment, silently agreeing that whoever it
was could wait. Sollux scrambled to gracelessly peel his pants away. Feferi
pushed him flat on his back and chased him down with kisses. Her tongue slid
down his throat at the same moment that she pushed herself down on him. Cool,
smooth thighs gripped him almost as tightly as her nook, and she rutted hard
against him. He couldn’t help but cry out incoherently as she metered out a
desperate rhythm. She sat back on his hips, taking him in fully. Her breasts
bobbed in time with her bouncing thrusts. Ruffles just concealed the vulgar
junction where their two bodies became one, occasionally exposing them both on
particularly enthusiastic movements. Sollux propped himself up on his elbows
and watched her in amazement and lust and he was so close already and
His palmhusk was ringing. Ringing. Who needed something so bad that they would
call?
Feferi ceased in her movements and Sollux regrettably flipped open his phone.
“hello-OH.” Feferi rocked her hips in long, slow circles with a surprisingly
devious smile on her pretty face. Sollux stared in her eyes as the voice on the
other end explained itself.
“Oh, 2hiit, iit’2 that late already? No, II diidn’t forget! Ii’ll be there
a2ap.” She frowned a little, waiting for information.
“II’m 2uppo2ed two work iin the lab wiith EQ half an hour ago.”
“Well, don’t keep him wading, then.”
“FF, I can’t ju2t go liike…” The fuschia blood thrust him hard and deep inside
her. Sollux came inside her throbbing nook with a wordless cry. She pulled
back, a few drips of yellow escaping before his length was entirely out of her.
“Wha-- the paiil! Fef! You diidn’t come!” Feferi was already dismounting his
hips.
“Go. Do your work. I‘ll wait for you when you’re done, just troll me when
you’re on your way. Twice is always better, right?”
“Er, yeah… but what are you gonna do?”
“I’ll just go clean up for now. It’ll be wharf the wait. I’ll sea you later!”
And just like that, she grabbed the cover off the disused human bed and wrapped
it around herself. She paused for a quick kiss and then snuck into the still
early morning hallway. The yellow and black striped blanket shrouded her
scandalous dress as she crept down the hall, filled with his mating fluids.
Sollux would have to be stupid not to be red for a girl like that.
He picked himself up off the floor, cringing as his hipbones protested the
sudden need to do their job. Shucking the remaining clothing, he showered the
watery bloody spoogy crust he imagined himself to have accumulated and tossed
on fresh clothes. There was a new coffeemaker in the lab, and he was going to
have to drink that thing dry to stay awake. He only hoped that Equius hadn’t
broken it already.
***** fuck you, --Eridan *****
Gratefully, she encountered no one on her journey from Sollux’s block. She
punched in a keycode and the door slid open. Wiping the hallway grime from her
chilly bare feet on the overly plush carpet, she shrugged the blanket from her
shoulders. It sat on the floor for only a moment before she thought better of
it, and hastily captchalogued it. Making her way straight to the ablution
chamber, she flung open the door.
Eridan floundered with, and ultimately dropped, a tonal playback device into
the ablution trap he was ribs deep inside. Earbugs dangling uselessly, he
turned to face the source of his alarm.
“Now just a glubbin minute there---!”
“How did you get Sollux in your block?”
“Wwha? He came here on his owwn, if you—wwater you wwearin!?”
“I’ll let you keep looking if you’ll explain to me exactly why my matesprit
left here covered in your scent and soaking wet.”
“Wwhy dontcha just ask him?” Eridan was already shamelessly eyeing her up.
“Unlike you, you piece of carp, he’s got things to do that matter.” He must
have finally looked up high enough to catch the icy glare she was sending him,
because he shifted uncomfortably and decided to cut the crappie.
“Sol wwas wwatchin some a them vvids I make and I guess he came dowwn here
because a that?”
“Shorely you don’t expect me to believe that!” She crossed her arms, pressing
her chest humps together, grubleg nubs rubbing against the silky sheer fabric.
Eridan proceeded to talk to them.
“Honest! I dunno howw he sean’ them, I swwear! But, the last one I did wwent
sorta wwrong and he came to sea if I wwas okay.” He looked down at the water
and splashed absentmindedly before meeting her gaze. “Jealous?”
“I’m not jealous that you got an injury from f-eeling yourshellf up. So, Sollux
came to check on you so you don’t undo the reset. He’s a pretty unshellfish
guy, he even tolerated your presence. Don’t mistake it for anyfin else,
Ampora.”
Eridan made that foul sound he passed off as laughter. He turned a shark’s
smile at her.
“I kissed him wwith tongue, Fef.”
Feferi bristled as she let out a feral growl and lunged forward. She grabbed
him by the throat and licked his lips briefly, tasting the honeyed tang of her
matesprit.
“You..! Why does everyfin you do hold me back from what I want?!”
Eridan made more choked laughter. “Wwhy do you keep comin back for moor?”
She shoved his face under the water. He made a few gurgling coughs before the
idiot remembered he had gills. She let go and he sat back up, sputtering.
“That wwasn’t vvery nice. “ Eridan sat and rubbed the spit from the corner of
his mouth.” You knoww wwhy you can’t reefsist me. Its because you have needs,
and you knoww I’m the only one wwho can keep you satisfied.”
Why did he have to be right? Her skin crawled with agonizing lust. Coddamn
seadweller pheromones. As if it wasn’t bad enough that she could constantly
smell him from halfway across the meteor, having them wet and on her skin was
just unbearable. That it was Eridan of all trolls was simply theworst.
“You. Satisfy me?” Feferi laughed bitterly. “You’ve taken yourshellf out of the
game with an injury. Looks like I’ll have to keep Sollux tide down and fuck him
gilly until you’re feeling better.”
“Noww wwait, you don’t need to take it that far! I, uh.. it’s only my nook, so
you can, you knoww…”
More than just a burning, she could hardly even think over her body’s craving.
She stopped listening when she finally made the realization.
“You shit. You doused Sollux with your mating pheromones to get that kiss.”
“Wwhatevver you wwant to think. At least I didn’t do it on porpoise. You’re
probably drowwnin the guy in em every chance you get. At least I got the
courtesy to take care of most of it myself instead a forcing my buoy to be
horny all the time.”
“I… wish you were out of my life!” Feferi was seaing pink with rage. She pushed
him back under the water. She’d gotten all the info she needed, and she was
just so SICK of his voice. She stepped in after him and anchored her feet on
either side of his head, trapping him in place.
“You liar,” he sputtered as she crouched down, shoving her shins against his
collarbones. He’d been aroused since maybe even before she arrived, and she was
tired of ignoring her own need.
“Shut up and put your mouth to better use.” She sat back, pressing her nook
against his lips. The muffled comment he made was lost to thrilling vibrations
against her oarfish. He made no hesitation in switching tasks, his tongue
tracing her shameglobes before working its way inside her. She made a little
frustrated huff and rested her full weight on him, fruitlessly trying to drive
him deeper. Her bulge flicked against his throat. She idly fingered his
tentacle, porpoisefully avoiding his globes. She wanted him as worked up as she
was.
He might have been angling to say something when he bucked against her hand,
but the future queen could not be bothered to care. She swatted away the ringed
hands that clutched and caressed and clawed her thighs. She hooked her fingers
just inside his nook and pressed against his globes. The yelp of pain felt
delicious as the vibration carried along his tongue. At least his injury wasn’t
some sort of red herring. His bulge flagged pathetically. She felt little
hiccupping pulses. Cod, he was crying from it? And still, he was hellbent on
eating her out the best he could. What a fool.
She squeezed his gills shut with her thighs , completely suffocating him for a
moment. That reminded him of his priorities- to please his fucking queen. She
gave his sorry bulge a long, milking tug before leaning back. She settled her
hands on the trap floor behind her heels. Leg cramps were distracting her from
the pleasure she wanted. She slowly straightened one perfect leg, and laid it
down the length of his torso. Shifting her weight carefully, she stretched her
toes out and traced along his ribs. He froze up momentarily as they danced
along the angry dark scar, cutting across his body that was otherwise the
paragon of troll beauty. It passed when she cradled the base of his bulge with
the arches of her feet. When his hands kneaded her spread buttocks, she
rewarded him by swirling the ball of her foot rhythmically against his external
shameglobes. He pushed her up to the tip of his tongue, then set a bouncing
rhythm into motion with his hands supporting her like a seat. For all the
things Eridan lacked, he could not be faulted for his strength, or endurance.
Feferi bit a finger to keep from crying out as the sensation finally overtook
her orgasm starved orbs. She spilled her pent up fluids against his chest, and
felt the flood gush from her nook as she lost the willpower to contain it. Her
spent bulge lie against his throat, and she could feel him desperately trying
to swallow all of what she gave him. Even as he came from the halfassed
footjob, his tongue only ceased in its movements when she felt merely a trickle
remained inside of her. He pushed up against her ass, until she was high enough
to shift herself to perch on the edge of the trap. He sat up with a gasp, no
longer able to breathe in the water so polluted with their hastily spilled
genetic material.
“That wwas… you taste swweet… like…” Eridan looked at her with his stupid
fucked-out face. She gave him a dry look, then swiped her fingers in her nook.
She shoved them close too to his face, and a moment passed before he focused.
It was her turn to wear the sharky smile behind the yellowed digits. She
watched his face morph through a silent rollercoaster of emotions before
choosing one to season his impending outburst with.
“…Like honey? …like Sollux?” She finished, prodding his yet unspoken words.
Eridan had nothing at all to say. Odd. He wiped the corner of his mouth with
the pad of his thumb, and said absolutely nothing.
“I brought you a present. You’re supposed to say thank you.”
Still silence? Hatesex isn’t good without an arguement, and Fef could go
another round for shore. She doubted Eridan would protest, but a little
foreplay would be nice. Time to poke a little harder.
“It’s the only way you’re ever going to get it, so you should---“
“Fef,” he started slowly, “Nevver thought I wwas gonna say this, but get the
fuck outta my block.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said GET OUTTA MY SIGHT !!!!!”
The force of his voice rang off the walls, dizzying her. The look on his face
was… it was the same look as when he krilled her. Her digestive sac suddenly in
knots, she put on a brave attitude of defiance. She smirked as she
decaptchalogued Sollux’s bee blanket in front of him. She wrapped it around
herself and wordlessly left the ablution chamber. Hearing him pull the drain
stopper, she thanked her lucky starfish that he wasn’t following her. The
blanket-turned-cloak barely consealed her shivering. She’d somehow forgotten
that Eridan was a trident true murderer. For the first time, she wondered how
fincere all those apologies afterward really were as her pace unconchiously
sped to a panicked run.
***** chocolate covered blueberries *****
Equius ran his fingers over the dent in the door. He hadn’t meant to knock so
hard. He uncurled his fist and flexed his fingers, waiting for the door to
open. It was probably unlocked, but it was a matter of courtesy. He did not
want to break the knob as well.
Clanging footsteps indicated the approach long before anything happened. The
knob jiggled a few times before the door swung open. Tavros stuck his head in
the hallway, or, he tried to. He got as far as his nose before he smacked his
horn off the doorframe.
“Ow, uh, hey Equius. I guess that’s you, because I’m expecting you.” He opened
the door wide and invited the blueblood inside.
Equius glanced around. Aside from the omnipresent pile of Fiduspawn plushes,
the room was very neat. Tavros was still not the most graceful of creatures on
his new legs. Equius supposed that things left on the floor became things
broken and thusly discarded quite quickly.
“You can, um, set it up over here. It’s the ah, only place it will fit?”
“That will do. It is the same place I always use.” Equius decaptchalogued a
machine almost as large as a colderator. Tavros obediently walked over and
offered his arm. Equius set a tray of supplies on top of the machine.
“Do you still wish to stand?”
“Actually, can I sit down? It’s been a really long time since I did that?”
“So, then, are you beginning to e%perience the sensations the upgrades
provide?”
“Uh…. Yes? No? I was never a robot before, so I don’t know if I feel all of it
yet?”
“I see.” He carefully picked up the desk chair and brought it to the corner of
the room.
“Um, thanks.” Tavros sat back a little suddenly, with a chagrined smile, and
waited. The smile faded and he tenatively reached for the tray. He poured a
little too much antiseptic on his arm, but it was polite for him to even
bother. Equius finally succeeded in pulling on a pair of gloves, and screwed a
fresh needle into place on the end of a long, thin syphon. It was admittedly a
little large, but anything smaller would make the process longer.
“Hold still.” Equius pushed the needle carefully into the plump vein in Tavros’
forearm. He didn’t even flinch. Brown blood syphoned through the tube at a
controlled rate.
“Well done.”
“Um, yeah, that’s not so bad. Compared to some of the other things. That other
trolls have, you know, done to me.”
“Mm.” Equius knelt down and unscrewed a tiny inlet near the top of his robotic
hip. He held the catheter exiting the machine, and waited until the blood began
to filter down. He fed the tube down inside the channel, and twisted the eyelet
back down until the two made an airtight seal. He toweled off the caramelly
drops that had escaped to his gloves and to the smooth metal plates of Tavros’
thigh.
“So, three hours?”
“More or less. I have made some improvements. Perhaps two and a half hours.”
Equius picked up one metallic foot, inspecting the bottom for metal burrs and
wear.
“Shorter? Uh, That’s good. I guess?”
“Yes, and no. It is complicated. Tell me if you e%perience pain in your arm.” A
comfortable, familiar silence settled in the room. After their initial
experience with this sort of thing, silence was best. That way, no hemospectrum
slurs or incessant rambling occurred. It also allowed him better focus on his
work. He slowly flexed each joint of the leg, fully absorbed in scrutinizing
the glide of plate on plate, only pausing to add lubrication, or to hook a thin
tool inside to dislodge a piece of grit. He watched his hand as he carefully
set the delicate tool on the ground next to his knee. You’d never know he’d had
an arrow through it.
Hmm, he could have sworn he just heard soft footsteps behind him. He strained
his ears to hear them again.
The metal to his face took him by complete surprise. Tavros grabbed him by the
horns, rocking his smooth genderless crotch against his cheek and lips. He
pulled his hair and thumbed the broken edge of horn and panted and grunted and
spread his legs.
“This shit gets you off harder than any bulge ever could, doesn’t it blueboy?”
Tavros rasped.
“Haha, that is soooooooo awkward. You guys do some weird shit! I think I’ll see
myself out now…”
“Vriska stop it!!” She snapped her fingers and Tavros fell limp in the chair
for a second. Hands slipped away from hair and horn, and hung limply at his
sides. The dialysis tube strained at the distance. Strong hands placed his
appendage back on the armrest, then he stood to his full height. He turned a
cold look to the cerulean upstart who was still snickering from the doorway
between rooms.
“You are not welcome here.”
“Riiiiiiiight, my arm is all better. I guess I don’t need you to take care of
it anymore. Tell me, would you caress my arm and hold me delicately like your
new toy over there? Or is that reserved for the harem of metal Aradias you fuck
when you sleep?”
Beads of sweat rolled down his back. He really should not listen to her 100d
accusations, however enticing they were. How very depraved.
“Vriska, why don’t you just, uh, go somewhere else for a while? Because I don’t
want you here.”
“Because I don’t want you here! “ She mocked, miming his ridiculously huge
horns with her hands. “I couldn’t stay even if I wanted to, I have soooooooo
many irons in the fire. They don’t just tend to themselves, you know.”
“Go. Make your hasty exit, now that you have burnt your hands on this one. But
I will tell you this, burns do not heal so quickly.” He strongly resisted the
urge to towel himself, peeling off his gloves instead.
“Ooooooooh, scary.” Her tone was still playful, but her eyes quizzical.
“Seeeeeeee ya!” Vriska floated out of the room with a toss of her hair.
“I really thought she was gone.”
Equius said nothing, toweling himself off instead. Thank God she was gone. He
felt so much distain for her. Not hate, certainly not the pure hate that he and
Aradia shared. She would never be worthy of such a thing.
“I’m sorry, Equius.I guess she can still get to me.” Tavros kicked at the
ground a little. “You, uh, don’t have to stay.” A heavy silence filled the room
as the large troll bent down and resumed his inspection of the other leg.
“Why do you live with her?”
“Um.”
“Would not literally any other troll be preferable to her? Or, living alone?”
He could not keep the %ness out of his voice.
“Everybody stays away from her…. So…”
“Surely you don’t pity her for that?” Equius wiped his brow at the
reprehensible thought.
“No! No. It just… keeps everyone away from me, too.”
“Mm.” The large troll did not know how to respond. He silently completed his
repairs.
“Stand.” Tavros clumsily responded.
“Is the interface not functioning properly?”
“No, see, I think I was always clumsy? I fell down stairs before I had these…”
“You had wheels instead of legs, I imagine that had something to do with it?”
“I had legs before I had wheels. I think the wheels made it easier, actually.
And I, um… was still whole then.”
Equius carefully put the tool back in its proper place, and looked pointedly at
the brownblood, waiting for him to continue.
“Um, no! It’s not that I’m ungrateful for what you have done! At all! I love
walking!”
“But…” Equius prompted, grinding his teeth. He did not take lightly to having
his work shunned.
“I lost… a lot to get this. More than I knew I would.” The pain in his eyes was
obvious. It made him look older than his sweeps.
“Is there something I missed? I was very thoroughbred in my replications…”
“I uh, I lost Gamzee.”
“The Highb100d?” This fudgeblood held the attention of the most regal of all
trolls? When was this? He toweled away a fresh sweat.
“He was my matesprit. It wasn’t really official or anything, but I guess that’s
a good word to use. For what we were.”
Equius could not hide his surprise. He picked a second towel up in his free
hand.
“I see.”
Coffee tears shone in the corners of his gold eyes.
“How did my roboti% ruin this, exactly?” He knew the Highblood had been
justified in killing him! Destroying a matespritship is an e%cellent reason.
“Why… why did she have to cut so high? Couldn’t she have just taken off my legs
or something?”
Equius allowed him to continue, hoping the explanation would make sense.
“I mean, I guess you can’t be too accurate with a chainsaw. But…”
“But...” Equius spurred him on.
Tavros wiped his eyes and sort of smiled through them.
“Tell me. I command you to.”
“Gamzee is, um, this is embarrassing. Uh, physical?”
“The Highb100d has no need to suppress his urges.” Oh, there are not enough
towels in his syllabus for this.
“He used to get a little… carried away. When we would uh, kiss a lot?”
“Go on.”
“I would let him. I mean… my, uh… “ Tavros hung his head and stared at the
floor. “He would, with his, um, and my…”
“So… you fulfilled your concuspient obligations with him.”
“Uh, yeah, that’s a fancy way to put it. I, uh, liked it, too. I kind of
couldn’t control it, but it felt nice. Like, I couldn’t move my, uh…”
“Legs?”
“D-d… deposit stalk. “ Equius was down to his last towel. His eyes scanned the
barren room for a backup plan.
“But his worked just fine! And he didn’t care that mine, uh, did whatever it
did. It felt nice…”
“It typically does.” He dabbed at the back of his neck with one of the lesser-
exploded fiduspawn plushes.
“No! I’m not like that! I mean, it felt nice that someone still wanted me like
that, the way I was. But…”
“But… when you became robotic, there was no longer a method of doing this?”
“I, uh, tried, but it wasn’t really working. I don’t feel anything anymore. Its
like cutting me in half cut that part out of my brain too. I felt like I
couldn’t be with him like that, anymore. Since I stopped thinking about it
entirely.”
“I see.” Equius had never considered how a troll’s thinkpan would rewire itself
after a loss of such a large perCENTage of itself. When one removed the arms
and legs of a pilot, they were wired directly into the ship, and their brain
was immediately presented with another sense to process. He had failed to
provide enough of a sensory challenge to Tavros’ mind. Being lower on the
hemospectrum, he thought there would be less of a need for such a thing. He
abhorred miscalculations.
“Why… why couldn’t I have come back whole? Like Vriska? Her arm was restored! I
was normal again when I was dead… I think I was happier!” Tavros ceased in his
fight against the tears, and let them run down his face in little muddy tracks.
“Sollux told us when you came back… The game could only reload data that was
saved. He chose this version of you because your stats were higher.”
“I think I hate this game!” Equius stood unmoving, completely at a loss of what
to do. He should not have to do anything at all. He agreed to maintain the
parts he created for as long as it took to finish the session. He was not
prepared for this situation.
The alarm on the machine dinged, signaling its completion. Equius let out an
audible sigh of relief. The silence still weighed heavy in the room as he put
on new gloves, and carefully removed the needle from his forearm. Tavros was
quick to clamp the gauze square down over the little dot it left behind. Equius
had almost broken his arm the first time. He prudishly removed the infeed tube
from the hip connection at arm’s length. Sniffles subsided as he packed up the
machinery, and captchalogued it.
“Uh, you don’t have to come back anymore. I think it would be better if you
didn’t have to filter my blood all the time. It, um, must be really awful for
you to have to touch it. I know it bothers you. You haven’t called it filth in
a little while though. Thank you.”
Had he been calling it that? The color that the Highblood had chosen as most
desirable?
“You would die without this.”
“I think that might be okay.” Tavros looked small, in the desk chair, in the
empty room. Lowblood. Filthy lowblood, literally. His body could no longer
remove most of the waste it produced. To leave him alone for a week would be
murder. Murder of the plaything that was good enough for the Highblood, who
never saw colors below the skin. It was Equius who had broken that toy and
caused it to be thrown away. This toy knew its place… it begged to be culled,
and on Alternia, Equius would not have hesitated. And still, he asked so
softly…
“Unthinkable. I will continue to repair you.” Equius had not fulfilled his
task. His body would live, but his mind disagreed. Tavros as a whole was under
his care, now, the victim of Equius’ inadequacy. This was… une%pected.
“Please, everything is so empty now, I, uh, don’t think you were listening…”
Some things cannot be fixed by machinery. Nepeta had told him that so many
times. While he would normally defend his point to the death, he may owe her an
apology this time, and a thanks. Her carefully scrawled notebooks told him
exactly what to do. Equius bent down and pressed his lips against Tavros’
chapped and trembling ones.
“Allow me to fix all your problems.”
“Um… “
“I will return tomorrow.”
“I don’t need treatment for three days.”
“I know.” The blueblood softly kisssed one expansive horn, and was rewarded
with a tiny smile.
“That’s better.”
He slipped out of the door and closed it SO SOFTLY. Turning on his heel, he
felt hands on his shoulders.
“Tssssssss! So hot! No, wait, you’re just tepid. Guess you can’t burn me after
all.” Vriska made a show of shaking the sweat off her hands.
Equius shrugged his shoulders and cracked his neck.
“You are a f001. Go play your petty games elsewhere.“
“But playing with you and Tav is soooooooo fun. Or, do you not want to share
toys anymore?”
“He does not belong to you.”
“Hahaha ,you didn’t even try to deny that you think he’s just a toy! We think
so much alike. Say, do you want to make this into some sort of game? We can
take turns giving him a little affection, and watch him struggle to figure
everything out, and...”
The grown rising unconsciously in his throat must have warned her to dodge his
punch.
“You shouldn’t skip breakfast. It makes you grouchy! We can discuss this when
you come back for your little playd8 tomorrow.”
“You will not be present for that.” Claws cut into his skin as his fists
tightened.
She cast a puzzled glance at the drop of blue on the floor. A fake smile warmed
her face. She patted him on the arm.
“Breakfast. Really. Doesn’t your moirail take care of you?” She turned on her
heel and started to the nutrition block, shaking her head distainfully.
Insulting his moirail? Well, that really tears it now, doesn’t it? The straw
that broke the dual-humped hoofbeast’s back.
She had to die.
***** Trading Spaces, Hivebent Edition *****
Kanaya did not know that Rose could run so fast.
Hand in hand, she tagged along far less gracefully then she’d like to admit.
They reached the transporter room, and only then did the blonde put her hands
on her knees and heave great puffs of air, catching her breath noisily.
“Was that part of your plan? I do wish you would fill me in with just a few of
your casual spoilers.”
When Rose looked up, there was a huge smile on her face. It was the kind of
smile a pouncebeast might wear, if pouncebeasts wore smiles, when it had
happened upon a fat featherbeast with a broken wing. While she may not be a
troll, she was still menacing enough to make Kanaya’s heart flutter. Oh, be
still, sweet dangerous pump biscuit.
“We took too long at the alchemeter!” We almost didn’t make it before…” She
looked up suddenly, then made a lunge for Kanaya as one of the pads crackled to
life. They tumbled into the empty room as whoever it was stepped into a freshly
vacant transporter room.
Rose stood first, smoothing the counterfeit tee. The black offset the orange
leggings in a jarring way. It was a small wonder no one had seen them. She
offered a hand to Kanaya, who gracefully accepted. She would not have worn a
skirt if she had expected this sort of activity level in today’s adventure.
“I am still amazed that such deception works so flawlessly.”
“Truth be told, I am quite surprised that no one has ascertained our technique.
Or, tried it themselves. Then again, you would know even before I would, then,
wouldn’t you?”
“Of all the things the others have asked me to create for them, a shirt bearing
another troll’s symbol is something I would unwaveringly refuse.”
“But you are fine with me wearing them?”
“You are not a troll.”
“I love your double standards.”
“You will have to explain that to me.” Kanaya glanced around the block. Their
work was really cut out for them this time. There was almost nothing in here,
just sorted piles of assorted types.
“Another time perhaps. Those posters are terribly offensive.”
“While I prefer more modern art myself, I hardly think one can consider
classical art ‘offensive.”
“Are furries really considered classical art to troll society? On Earth, a
minority group of humans reveled in this sort of imagery, and the roleplay that
it inspired. Some went so far as to create intricate suits of fur so they could
fully realize their ‘fursonas’, and proceeded to wear them publically. They
often encountered much shaming and resentment.”
“They crafted fur suits? Is it possible for you to show me their handiwork?”
“That is not the reaction I was expecting. Thank you for your refreshing take
on the bizarre actions of my species. Now help me cram these things into the
gilded frames we made.”
The girl decaptchalogued a huge mess of things loosely categorized as
“Equiuslike.” It had taken some careful balancing and a weird series of
associations to end it as a terminal leaf in her tree modus.
“I was unaware that he already had a human bed.”
“I should think I’d worry if you had known.”
“That’s dirty, Kanaya.” Rose’s words sounded stern, but the uncharacteristic
snicker said she didn’t mind much. With each poster given a regal blue mat and
ornate brushed gold frame, the girls hurriedly set about hanging them around
the bed in the corner.
“They are… looking at me.”
“Well, being a Seer, I can only help but to impart the feeling that everyone’s
being watched. Although, strategically hanging them so their huge, eerily
intelligent eyes are all directed towards the center of the bed may have had
something to do with that. Do you have the big one?”
The jade blood rushed to stop the five foot canvas from flopping over the
second it emerged from her modus. The horse leered at her with its eye, easily
the size of her fist. It was a nice enough image, with the horse turned,
looking down its spine. Why the horse’s rear had to encompass the entire
foreground of the image was a little lost on her, or not, seeing as how Dave
himself apparently picked this image specifically for them.
“Do hoofbeasts grow this large on your planet? Please put that in past tense as
appropriate.”
“No, they don’t. I suppose it’s artistic to make something larger than it is.
I’m assuming that’s the same reason the genitalia on all these posters are
outlandishly huge?”
“I did not notice any such exaggeration.”
“So they’re…” Rose mumbled something under her breath. “ I can say in this one
aspect, I am grateful to have never seen the troll homeworld. Let’s hang that
so it stares at the bed from the far wall, okay?”
She stole a quick kiss before the two of them wrangled the enormous stretched
fabric wall decoration into place. It may have, in fact, been easier to
maneuver a live creature into the same position.
“What is all of this made of…?” Kanaya began pushing a mammoth clawfooted
dresser into position. The furniture looked like wood, but looped in with the
grain was opaque black striping.
“When I input the codes, I combined them with Equius’s comb. It said
unbreakable, and it wasn’t actually broken yet. I thought it might lend some
resilience to our creations. It would be a shame to let all our effort go to
waste, no?”
“Rose, your amazing foresight will never cease to… amaze me.”
“So, what is it you were trying to explain to me last night?”
“About what?”
“If I am not mistaken, you alluded to some change in the relationship between
your brother and our former leader?”
“Oh that,” Rose snickered. “Dave demanded that Karkat act on his caliginous
feelings.”
Kanaya’s eyes were as wide as they had ever been. She assumed that may have
been the case, but the other way around, perhaps. But, to hear it said so
plainly was just… “Wait, you said that he was rejected? As to say, Karkat
turned him down?”
“Yeah. I guess he doesn’t hate him after all.”
“Well, that is a surprise. I should think a romantic at heart such as our
Karkat would jump at the chance to have a meaningful relationship.”
“Oh, I think he already did.”
“But, did you not just say…I am no longer following? Perhaps you would care to
share a few descriptive details to illuminate the strange and twisted path that
is the workings of your beautiful mind?”
“ I think I can use this in my auspicing. Lets talk about it tonight. Shouldn’t
we finish this first?”
The two girls eyed the remaining items. A pair of wardrobes, one black and the
other white, both with the same plastic marbling throughout. It was Kanaya’s
idea to blend them with the knights from Rose’s chess set. They were large
enough to accommodate whatever clothing Equius owned, certainly. A gorgeous
desk with beautifully carved hoofed feet, and a coordinating work table. Then,
there was a strange, peaked …table?
“What is the purpose of this peculiar item? It does not seem to resemble
anything we have made before.”
“That is a piece of furniture referred to as a ‘horse’. While it originated as
a device for the cruel and public punishment of humans deviating from the
social norms during a rather dark time for humanity, it was later embraced by a
deviant group of an entirely different mindset. It is typically used among
partners or groups that form sexual relationships based on the giving or
receiving of pain and humiliation. A person designated as ‘submissive’ is to
sit on the narrow edge. The pressure crushes their sensitive genitals, to
whatever result the dominant partner is trying to achieve. From what I’ve been
told, Equius may very well be interested in joining a group such as that? It is
simply scandalous to put such a ‘100d’ item in his private block. Can you
imagine his reaction when he learns what this is? The name is also synonymous
with ‘hoofbeast’. I figure we can hang towels on it.”
“Devious, truly. Your human relationships are very intriguing. Perhaps you have
literature on this subject?”
“A wide variety, Miss Maryam. And, if you should so choose, we can report back
to this very furnishing at a later date and test any theories or conjectures
you may form after digesting such information. For science, of course.”
“The pursuit of science is noble; Equius surely would not object?” Kanaya was
grinning fang to fang. “Perhaps he may wish to observe? Until then, let us
finish the task at hand, so we may fully direct our focus toward this future
project.”
They pushed a large roll of bound yarn to the center of the room and unfurled
it. Rose called it simply, ‘a rug.’ Kanaya had to admit, she was starting to
understand fashion for interior spaces. Humans seemed to take great joy in
creating completely nonfunctional items simply for the purpose of dressing a
room. Rose had a natural talent for it. The thick rug was soft underfoot, and
the mottled gray and off-white pattern brightened the dreary space. A few
strange lamps completed the look. It made her sad to think there were only
three living spaces left until every room was well dressed.
There was a downside to all this newfound creativity... shovelling the
unfortunate victim’s hulking mess into the new mess containment units. Kanaya
had suggested cutting Sollux or Aradia in on the deal at first, due to their
mental kinetic abilities, but the human had seemed keen on the idea that it was
much more rewarding to do it themselves. A bedside table full of fresh sheets,
the horse draped with thick, fluffy towels, and a few of the piles of parts
jammed into the worktable storage. All that was left was to hang his clothes.
Strangely absent from the piles strewn about the room was any sort of clothing.
There was a bit in the ablution block, but it certainly wasn’t enough to clothe
a person of Equius’ size.
“Do you think he keeps his clothing in his sylladex?”
“That would be odd. Maybe he has a closet? Doors are awfully hard to find in
this place sometimes.”
“This is true. Should we each search a wall?”
“Yes, but let’s hurry. There’s not much time left!” Rose dashed across to the
far wall, running her fingers down seams and tugging on anything that seemed
like a handhold.
Watching her seemed like a very nice way to pass the time, but the task at hand
was almost complete, and what purpose would there be in spacing out now? Kanaya
turned to face the wall in front of her. Oh, there it was, the door. It did
blend very well with the harsh metallic paneling of the room, but still, easy
enough to find. She pulled the latch open, and there was a pile of garments,
nearly floor to ceiling in the narrow space. As she gathered some of it up in
her arms, something caught her eye. What appeared to be a small niche was
actually a much larger room than she’d thought. Curiosity got the better of
her, and she squeezed past the pile. She popped out a moment later, silently
cursing her luminous skin for revealing the room in such clarity. She hastily
shoved the door shut as Rose eyed her curiously.
“His clothing is… torn. And soiled. From fighting his battle robots.” She said,
a little too quickly.
“Are you sure that’s what it is, Kanaya?”
“Er…” No use in lying. Changing the subject maybe? “ I think in this one
instance, we will allow the occupant to fill the clothing containment units.”
“Okay, you win. I’m just sad I didn’t find the closet first. What’s really in
there?”
“Is it not time for us to have a meal? “
“Oh, Kanaya, if it makes you that uncomfortable, I just have to see.” Rose
pushed past her and poked her head though the blockade of crumpled fabric.
“Oh, I can see how he might want to keep that to himself.”
“Shall we pretend we never opened the door?”
“He must captchalogue all his clothing. So strange.”
“Not a scrap to be found. I shall offer to make him some before he is forced to
go nude as the beasts he so loves.”
Their eyes met as they dissolved into giggles. If they ever needed a favor from
Equius, at least they had leverage. A loud growl from somewhere in the vicinity
of the blonde girl’s belly reminded them of the time.
“Shall we nourish ourselves?” Kanaya watched Rose remove the bogus Sagittarius
tee. Her robe underneath was a bit rumpled, but otherwise non-suspicious.
“Last one to the kitchen is a rotten egg!” Rose took off running as soon as the
door was cleared. Kanaya sighed, shed her decorum, and hitched her skirt to her
knees. She was doomed to be the festering unhatched young of a cluckbeast. She
was really going to have to make herself some clothes suited to distance
running.
***** nobody likes Vriska *****
“Are you motherfucking vibrating again bro?”
“No, you panrotted fuckass, that’s my palmhusk. And I never purred!” The husk
continued to vibrate in Karkat’s front pocket. Why was it in his front pocket?
It was really annoying. And his hands were busy.
“Didn’t say nothing about no purring, my most fine invertebrother. So, aren’t
you gonna answer a motherfucker?”
“Whoever it is can go back to shamefully fingering themselves for a few more
minutes. I’m sure the realization that other people exist will pass.”
“But, what if its all, like, important?” Karkat could just feel the sad clown
face from the head resting on his shoulder. It was simply not fair that he
didn’t even have to see it for it to break down his resolve.
“Goddammit, I’m almost done making first meal. If I stop stirring it’ll get all
lumpy and I’m not eating it like that. If you’re so concerned about what
someone needs from me, then you can answer it.” There, happy Gamzee. Also, that
was a way to solicit a free gropefest. Gamzee dropped one hand from his waist
to worm his cold fingers into the offending pocket. Husk withdrawn after too
much time feeling around for it, the highblood then busied himself pulling up
the flashing Trollian conversation. Karkat felt himself flush to the ears as he
found a pair of probably clean bowls. He dumped slop in both of them and set
them on the table.
“Well?”
“Solbro says he all has the like, ‘records of alcheimeter use’ for you. Why’s a
brother want that for?”
“Grist rationing. We’re here for a while yet. I don’t want us to starve to
death or something stupid before we get to go running to our undoubtedly
painful end in the new session.” He barely sat down before he started dumping
the contents of his bowl down his protein chute. Gamzee’s thumbs moved like
lightning.
“Stop talking to Sollux. Your firstmeal will get cold.” Karkat scowled around a
mouthful. His husk made a strained beep as long purple fingers set it on the
nutrition mesa.
“Oh.” Gamzee took a big scoop of the grey stuff that Karkat was shoveling down
his chute at top speed. He didn’t take a second.
“This stuff’s like, terrible, bro.”
“Yeah, that’s why you eat it fast.” He watched as the lanky mess of limbs
untangled itself from around the chair and fished through the meal cabinets.
“I already put grubsauce in it. It really doesn’t help.” Karkat examined a
spoonful. The little flaky chunks of some sort of plant clumped together. Was
this shit really good for you? The humans insisted it was. Were nutritional
needs even the same between species? As he was contemplating, his bowl vanished
from beneath his spoon. He looked up dully to see Gamzee gleefully dumping shit
in both bowls. He watched, mystified, as container after container of whatever-
the-fuck-it-was was opened. When the handful of crushed toasted grubs hit the
slop, Karkat snatched the bowl back. Gamzee chased the bowl back across the
table in time to impart a healthy handful of special stardust.
“Honk!”
“What are you even doing with all that? Now I’m gonna have to chew this giant
shitastrophe…” He sulkily took another bite of grey slop. Oh.
“What the fuck did you do?” It… had a taste. A good one. Chewing was somehow
tolerable. Or, desirable?
“Miracles, bro!” Gamzee shoveled the stuff down merrily. Probably should have
made more for a guy that size.
“Yeah, okay, whatever.” This time, it just might be one. He could have done
without the glitter, though.
“Who’s in here?” Vriska stuck her head in the entryway. Karkat cringed. Before
he could fire off a statement to repel her, Gamzee spoke up.
“Karbro made firstmeal! You want some spidersis?”
“Eeeeeeeeww, not if he made it.” Vriska marched over to the ailiminator and
punched in a few numbers.
“Fuck you very much, I am an excellent cook. Even if Gamzee helped a little.”
“Oh my god, teamwork? You guys are taking this moirails thing pretty
seriously.” Vriska made a disdainful little laugh. Karkat chose not to respond
at all. She swung open the machine door and withdrew a great fat roast
featherbeast with all the Twelfth Perigee’s Eve fixings.
“Are you REALLY going to eat all that?”
“And get chubby like you? No, I’ll just throw away what I don’t want.”
“See, this is exactly the wasteful shit I am talking abou WHAAA!?” Did that
flighty bitch just call him fat? That flighty bitch just called him fat.
“Seriously, your chest humps are gonna be bigger than mine in a perigee. “ She
looked down and cradled her nearly nonexistent ones. “ I can see why you’re
eating diet food.”
Karkat opened his mouth to unleash a punishing tirade of words into her aural
spongeclots, but again it was Gamzee who reacted first.
“It AIN’T NICE to call a brother NAMES, chica.” He brought the club down on the
roast bird with the sickening crunch of bones. Vriska regarded him carefully,
then sighed and tossed her hair.
“I’m sorry, Karkat. Your big shirt just made me think you were filling it with
fat,” she pouted. “Would you like a leg?” She sweetly extended it to him like
the proverbial olive branch she was always blathering about.
“No I don’t want a fucking leg.” Karkat had no idea when he’d walked around the
table to pap Gamzee’s arm. Gamzee withdrew his club and recaptchalogued it.
Colors everywhere.
“Maybe… you want the breast then?” Her suggestive tone was obscenely… annoying.
“NO I DON’T WANT ANY OF YOUR STUPID WASTEFUL FOOD!” Karkat yelled, even as he
felt his hand reaching for it. “AND STOP MAKING ME TAKE IT!!!”
“Fine,” she said, eyes downcast and wearing another fake pout. “I guess this
will all just go to waste then—“ She broke her hold over Karkat and looked up
just in time to see Gamzee choking down huge sections of meat- bones and all.
“I’ll all up and share with you sis.” He was wrist deep in the bird, ripping
out grubstuffing by the handful.
“Hey, that’s mine!” She hurried to grab any savory bits remaining for herself,
while the clown made short work of the side dishes.
“See bro? I got this!” Yeah, Karkat was totally right about Gamzee needing to
eat more.
“You know what? This is all fucking stupid. I’m out of here.”
“Awwwwwwww you’re just gonna leave? No big fat palesmooch goodbye?” He turned a
withering look to her, which he suddenly realized looked exactly like all the
other faces he makes.
“See you later, Gamzee, psychospiderbitch.” He turned and stormed out of the
room. As soon as he turned the corner, he realized his forgotten palmhusk on
the table. Fuck.
“…Gam-zeeeeeeee, why doesn’t he like me?” He could hear her whining before he
even reentered the room. He shot a sympathetic look to his best friend. Gamzee
acknowledged him by exaggeratedly blowing him a kiss with his shiny chicken-
greasy hand. Karkat reciprocated without thinking… just as Vriska turned in her
chair to face him. He grabbed his husk and dashed out of the room before the
mutinous red blush could crawl past the collar of his shirt and advertise his
mutant status all over his pale fucking face.
“My goodness, where is the fire, Karkat?” He nearly bowled the tall troll over
in his efforts to fucking abscond. Way to go, Vantas.
“OH FUCK THERE’S A FIRE?” Really, it was only a matter of time until someone
did something so phenomenally stupid as endangering all fourteen of their lives
at once. He shouldn’t be so surprised. Or panicked. Calm down, Karkat, maybe
it’s not too late to--- Rose was giggling.
“WHY IS THAT FUNNY?”
“Pardon my use of the human expression. What I meant is, where are you going so
quickly? Is it something that requires such dire and immediate attention?”
“I’m going to the lab. And away from spiderbitch.”
“Oh, Miss Serket is ahead?” Kanaya stopped walking forward. The human tugged on
her partner’s slender gray hand.
“Come on, lets go eat.”
“I have a few things I have seemingly forgotten to do. Running into our friend
here has reminded me. Karkat, did you not need me to finish the items you’ve
requested?”
“What are you talking about, Kanaya? I don’t-“
What’s that look on her face? Is she…? She is. She’s begging him to go with
her.
“UM, WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY’RE NOT FINISHED? I CAN’T WAIT ANOTHER DAY! OBVIOUSLY
YOU CAN’T GET ANYTHING DONE WITHOUT MY FORMERLEADERLY SUPERVISION.” Nice cover,
Karkat. Why did they both roll their eyes?
“Yes, I suppose you are correct in that assumption. Please oversee the
completion of your items.”
“Wait, what’s in the works?” Rose narrowed her eyes at the two.
“A new shirt.” “PANTS.”
Uh oh, the jig was up. Now they were gonna have a big awkward conversation. She
opened her mouth to speak, but Kanaya cut her off.
“I have heard that the Mayor was making plans to build a craft store on the
edge of town. It would be unfortunate if no one interrupted Terezi's plans to
make it a red chalk store. You remember what happened when no one was there to
contend with her about the courthouse…”
“Yes, now we regrettably can’t build a prison, because every criminal gets an
immediate death sentence. I won’t let her drive the ability for the residents
to purchase yarn from the town as well. Although, we do have a rather lovely
gallows. You are off the hook for now, you two, but you’d better explain
later.”
She turned to the momentarily bewildered, perpetually angry troll. “And I think
you already know where the fire is.” She poked him squarely in the chest where
his bloodpusher should be. Kanaya raised an eyebrow.
Oh, fuck her for being a Seer. Why the fuck does she know every goddamn secret
everybody has? Fuck this life. One Karkat Fucking Vantas had the great
misfortune that she walked around him only after that horrific exchange. Thank
you universe, for not just letting them walk past him instead of all this,
blissfully free of any interaction beyond one comparatively cheery human hello
and two troll grunts. Fuck everything.
He followed the tall jadeblood down the hall.
“Thank you, Karkat, I will make you something for your efforts. Free of charge,
of course.”
“It’s no big deal. I can understand wanting to be nowhere near Serket.”
A few steps passed in silence.
“She has been making unwanted flushed advances at me.”
“I thought she didn’t feel that way about you.”
“Apparently she changed her opinion when I disposed of Ampora for his
destructive behavior.“
“Oh. She’s apparently rekindled her interests in him too, after that whole
thing. I didn’t know there was anything between the two of you anymore. I mean,
you guys aren’t even moirails now, right?”
“No, Karkat, we have no relationship.”
“I didn’t mean to bring it up like that! Fuck.”
“I am fine with it.”
“Oh.”
A few more steps.
“How are things with you and Gamzee?” Karkat felt his face flush again, so he
did the only logical thing to hide it. He jogged down the hall to the Virgo
door.
“Uh, don’t you really fucking not like him? You don’t have to ask just to be
polite.”
“Is there something you do not wish to tell me?” Damn, she’s quick.
“NO, EVERYTHING’S FINE!” He shifted from foot to foot, waiting for her to catch
up.
The door slid open to reveal tacky, shiny useless cloth everywhere. It sparkled
like somebody glued boondollars to half the fabric, and stuff that reminded him
of Eridan’s shitty taste in jewelry dangled from the edges of the rest of it.
Yellow and orange and green and purple everywhere. Terezi would have a fucking
nosegasm and lick everything in a stupor. As it stood, Karkat squinted and felt
as if he’d have a headache before he left. In retrospect, the shit they did to
his block was relatively mild.
“What the fuck did you do to your block?”
Kanaya glided past him. All the baubles and trinkets caught the soft light from
her skin and sparkled and danced as she moved past and looking at it made you
question if magic maybe really was real and Gamzee is never, never coming into
this block, because he would NEVER, NEVER leave.
“It’s reminiscent of how royalty of a certain part of the human world adorned
their living quarters. Rose said she had never seen it personally, but always
enjoyed it.”
“I guess it’s pretty, in a foreboding sort of way.”
“Thank you.”
“I didn’t actually mean that as a complement, but if you like filling your
block with a thousand fucking dark corners and hiding places, far be it from me
to suggest that might be a bad idea.”
“I’m touched that you are concerned for my safety, but I am capable of taking
care of myself.”
Karkat heaved a huge, dramatic sigh. You can’t be ornery to someone who refuses
to hear your words for what they are. Not that he was trying to be ornery. He
just, well, was. Kanaya drifted into another part of the block. The light
filtered around bullshit draperies and useless dangly shit. There sure was a
lot of shit in here. He passed through a beaded partition (fucking useless) and
into a much more sensible room. Kanaya pulled several items off a storage
component and rolled them out on a table.
“To keep our intentions true to our words, what would you like me to make for
you?”
“There’s nothing wrong with what I wear.”
“Of course not, it’s just… plain.”
“And that matters because…?”
“Is there not a certain someone you would like to, impress, perhaps?”
“FUCK NO.”
“Alright, no concuspient interests? I see...” Karkat pulled the neck of his
shirt up to his ears and growled a little. This is exactly why he hated talking
to anybody. His treacherous blood rushed to his face the second anyone said
anything stupid, threatening to divulge its filthy mutant secret for everyone
to know. Kanaya tactfully looked down at a bolt of cloth.
“Perhaps a softer shirt? For when you have a serious paledate?” Karkat pulled
the shirt up to his hairline. Even then, he was probably glowing red right
through his scalp.
“That’s fine.”
“So things are going well for the two of you then. I’m glad to hear it. Please
come here, I need your measurements.”
“Can’t you just measure one of my other shirts? You’re not planning on changing
anything. YOU’RE NOT CHANGING ANYTHING.” He leered over his collar for
emphasis.
“Well, maybe just a little?”
“I don’t want any of your cumbersome frivolous bullshit, Kanaya.” He pulled his
shirt to its proper position to give an unobstructed view of the particularly
disapproving scowl he was sending her way. She casually hung the measuring tape
over her shoulders and applied her signature lipstick. Damn, you can’t argue
with those negotiation skills. Karkat begrudgingly stood.
“Please? I won’t make anything impractical. You’ll be ready for a battle in a
moment’s notice, just… as you are now?”
“Why did you make that sound like a question?” he said flatly. “ I am always
ready to put shit is its place with an alarming amount of physical violence.”
“Yes, I see.” She proceeded to wrap the stupid numbers strip around him in
various uncomfortable places while making little hmms and tsks and other
assorted nonverbal noises. He hissed when she measured his chest right across
the grubleg nubs. Like, there’s a million spots on his chest, and her cold ass
hands had to just rub all over them?
“Calm down, it’s the widest part of your chest. You want thi—“
“Fuck, you too? Spiderbitch said the same thing! I don’t have chest humps. I’m
not fat! I’m stouterrible! Solid…angerous. Aw, fuck it, I’m fat.”
Kanaya stared as he lifted the hem of his shirt and glared at his belly, poking
it violently where his muscles might have shown.
“There is nothing wrong with your physique. Since when do you believe Vriska
about anything? Wasn’t that one of your rules? ‘No one ask Serket’s opinion on
anything, it’s utterly invalid?”
“Yeah, it was… but I think I said ‘fuck’ a few times in there.”
“The essence remains the same.”
“Yeah, thanks.” A tiny smile flicked across his face. He smothered it with a
fresh scowl, but not soon enough. Kanaya smiled too, and there was this awkward
moment where they enjoyed each other’s company. Kanaya tactfully put her back
head down and unrolled a bolt. A silence settled over them as Kanaya set to
work, cutting various pieces of thankfully black fabric.
Karkat remembered that he was supposed to meet Sollux at the lab. Oops. He
pulled out his palmhusk and fired off a message.
--carcinoGeneticist[CG] began trolling twinArmageddons[TA]--
CG: I GOT CAUGHT UP IN SOME IMPORTANT STUFF.
CG: SO I’M NOT COMING TO THE LAB.
CG: JUST SEND ME THE FILE.
CG: AND DON’T YOU DARE CODE IT, YOU SELF-PLEASURING NOOKSTUFFER, BECAUSE IF I
CAN’T GET INTO IT WITH MINIMAL EFFORT AND HAVE TO COME LOOKING FOR YOU, I WILL
BREAK YOUR FACE IN SO MANY PLACES, THE LAST THING YOU WILL REMEMBER IS YOUR
FUCKED UP BRAIN LEAKING OUT OF THE CRACKS IN YOUR FRESHLY BIFURCATED SKULL
SCREAMING ‘I’M FREE, I’M FREE!’
CG: I SAID THAT TWICE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR OBSESSION. SEE, I CAN BE
ACCOMMODATING.
--carcinoGeneticist[CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons[TA]--
The sound of the fabric merging machine stopped, and Kanaya held up something
that looked … somewhat like a shirt.
“Do you still want your symbol in gray?”
“YES.”
“Karkat, I do not think anyone would care what color your blood is anymore.
There are no drones, no Alternia, and no law aside from whatever opinion Equius
chooses to voice, which we are all well aware can be silenced with a firm
command.”
“You make no convincing argument. Drop the subject.”
“Sorry to have mentioned it.”
“Good, or else I would have to make you sorry.”
Kanaya wiped the smirk off her face before she settled a small strange box on
top of the shirt, and pressed it down. Karkat wandered over in time to see her
lift it up, Cancer symbol freshly emblazoned on the soft material.
“That’s kind of a weird thing to have.”
“What would make you say that, Karkat?” Kanaya returned to her machine,
hurriedly stuffing the black wad through the stitching area.
“Why would you need a thing that puts other troll’s marks on your stuff?”
“I… have it in case anyone desires me to make them garments that they aren’t
able or willing to alchemize.”
“And how often does that really happen?”
“Not often enough.” Kanaya abruptly handed him the shirt, deftly snipping a
dangling string or two as he held it up for inspection. It was certainly
softer… and thinner. AND SMALLER. He eyed her suspiciously.
“Just try it on? I think you will be happy with it.” Karkat made a disapproving
grunt.
“TURN AROUND.” Kanaya smirked again, and complied.
He whipped his old shirt off in one motion, leaving it inside out and crumpled
on the floor. Carefully, he stretched the neck hole of the new shirt around his
horns. They weren’t big, but still, it seemed kind of excessively rude to put
one right through her hard work. He was surprised that the shirt fit, and well…
okay it was really soft against his skin. Maybe he liked it. At least, maybe he
could stand it once in a while.
“Well, what do you think? You are being awfully quiet. May I turn around?” He
totally forgot that Kanaya was waiting for him.
“Uh, yeah, I guess so.”
“Oh, Karkat, that is definitely an improvement.”
“You haven’t even touched it. Wait, I guess you made it, so…” She grabbed his
arm and hauled him over to the reflection pane. Instead of a shapeless black
blob, he was, well… The shirt stretched around the firm muscles of his chest
and arms, just enough to reveal their shape. It was still loose enough, though,
as to not stick to that squishy spot on his belly that violated the otherwise
enviably perfect build he was sporting... Okay, so it was far from perfect. Who
was he trying to fool? Eridan was perfect. Gamzee was perfect. Karkat was…
rectangular. But, this helped. At least he looked better than bones-in-a-
trollskin-bag Sollux.
“Okay, I’ll be honest, I don’t know how you did this crap, but you win, I like
the shirt.” He turned to see the back, it really was just a better version of
his old shirt. It could have been a little longer, though.
“I am glad.”
“Why don’t people come to you for this stuff?”
“They do, I just wish it was more frequent.”
“If this one is free, what do they normally cost?” Kanaya looked away, and a
creeping silence filled the room.
“You can’t be charging boondollars, those things are completely…”
“Blood, Karkat. I charge in blood.”
“WHAT?” Another silence. Okay, Karkat, did you forget she’s a rainbow drinker?
He began to take off the new shirt carefully, because like hell he was going to
be able to pay for another one. Better take care of his one. Kanaya grabbed his
wrists, stopping him from pulling up the hem.
“Look, I understand that’s not a price you are willing to pay. If you desire
more work, you could pay me in favors…” He liked keeping the shirt on. He did
like it. Damn it. She let his hands go.
“What kind of favors? That’s not a yes, I just want to know.”
Kanaya looked down at her manicured claws for a moment.
“Karkat… you are not the sort of troll who exploits the weaknesses of others. I
admire that quality about you.”
“Go on.”
“I want you to help me with a problem.”
“Look, I have no advice to give if this is about you and Ro---“ His sentence
died in his throat as Kanaya hiked her shirt up almost to the grubscars. There
was a hole through her torso. Still.
“WHAT THE HELL KANAYA? HOW IS THAT NOT HEALED?” Karkat leaned in to get a
better look, despite the nausea he felt building in his digestive sac.
“It is smaller than when I was first… altered. The healing is going very
slowly. Too slowly. I’ve asked Porrim about it...” Kanaya lowered her shirt and
Karkat continued to stare as if he could see right through it to that still-
fatal seeming wound.
“She said I need to drink more. As it is, I’m barely getting enough to
survive.” He was afraid to meet her eyes, unsure of what he would find in them.
This…wow. He had no idea. Maybe he just never thought about it at all. He was a
shitty friend.
“I drink from Rose as often as she can allow, and Dave as well when I need it.
Eridan asks me for things all the time, and Nepeta, but my ancestor says I need
a wider sample of the hemospectrum.“
“Kanaya… I can’t.”
“I know. I wouldn’t ask you. Rather, will you please send someone to me?”
“I do want to help you, but how can I accomplish that?
“I think if you wear the shirt, the others may like it?”
“But, this is supposed to only be for Gamzee…”
“Why don’t you have a more public paledate? Its no secret the two of you are
together.”
“You know how I feel about that crap… ugh, I’ll see what I can do. Don’t start
making another shirt until I get someone. I can’t imagine me not failing at
this.”
“Thank you Karkat.”
“Yeah, yeah…”
“And I should tell you… I can’t count Eridan or Nepeta as a success. They are
already here as frequently as their health permits.”
“Okay.” Karkat more or less grunted the word. It was going to be a lot harder
to get someone other than those two. Yuck. Socializing. Fuck, it was beyond
that. He was practically whoring himself out. For fashion. He snatched up the
discarded shirt and left without another word. His husk beeped. Fucking
perfect.
--twinArmageddons[TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist[CG]--
TA: iit’2 not liike you two be late.
TA: ii fiigured 2omethiing had come up, but ii hardly thiink your wilted gray
bonebulge count2 a2 ‘iimportant 2tuff’
TA: ii appreciiate your accommodatiion of my iintere2t2 iin the wiildy
iimprobable 2cenariio you pre2ented, 2o ii wiill agree two your condiitiion2,
but on my term2
TA: term2, becau2e ii requiire two thiing2
TA: IIf your iinfante22imal hackiing 2kiill2 are up two the challenge, you
wiill fiind the lii2t emaiiled two you a2 a locked attachment. The pa22word ii2
“2ollux Captor ii2 more awe2ome than Karkat Vanta2 at everything.” You have two
type iit a2 wriitten, before you tell me iit2 not workiing.
TA: Two expre22 your iimmen2e gratiitude for thii2 favor, you wiill one- feed
ED at hii2 block for the next two day2, and two- a2k me ab2olutely no
que2tiion2 about the fiir2t reque2t.
CG: WHAT.
TA: plea2e reread the previio2 2tatement.
CG: ARE YOU GRUBFUCKING KIDDING ME.
TA: A lack of a query curl at the end of your 2entence doe2 not 2top iit from
beiing a que2tiion. II do have a partiicularly regrettable form of punii2hment
prepared iif you a2k agaiin. Regrettable for all partiie2 iinvolved, actually.
CG: AS LONG AS I’M TAKING YOU DOWN WITH ME.
TA: ju2t go do iit KK
--twinArmageddons[TA] has ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist[CG]--
CG:??
--carcinoGeneticist[CG] has ceased trolling twinArmageddons[TA]--
Two day commitment? Bullshit. Karkat had an excellent thinkpan. He already had
the answer to this one, and it was shamefully obvious that Sollux was just not
as intelligent. But still, he was upsettingly curious about those consequences.
And, he wasn’t sure if going into Eridan’s block or typing that awful password
on his compuhusk was worse. Well, it’s still one shoe before the other. Karkat
squared his jaw and started down the hall.
***** this chapter is too cool for you *****
Dave thumbed away a bead of sweat from behind his glasses. The other Dave kept
his eye on him from across the room. The bro code demanded that a time out be
honored for one minute after it is called.
Sixteen.
Fifteen.
The other Dave was unreadable, holding his katana out at arm’s length,
inspecting the blade.
Nine.
Eight.
Dave hefted the snowcone bullshit weapon and took a deep breath as the
countdown ended.
Zero.
Dave flashstepped and met himself halfway, blade against blade. Future dave was
always just a touch faster, just a little stronger. Rather than being
infuriating, Dave found it reassuring that he would be that much better in ten
minutes. He’d been strifing like this since the early hours after his shameful
epiphany, and was starting to hit a wall. He had to be stronger, but there must
be better way. He didn’t even know if it was possible for a human to be as
strong as any of the trolls. He wasn’t giving up without a damned good fight
though. Maybe he could spar with Terezi? Hmm, Terezi…
His world flashed to white as he heard a cracking sound.
“Not cool man, I thought we agreed that hits to the junk and to the shades were
out of bounds.”
“Sorry, dude. I lost this fight ten minutes ago! You were thinking about my
girlfriend just now, and I took my shot. Can’t be mad at me for knowing you
better than you do.”
Dave ignored the rambling of other Dave as he tried to fix his glasses. He
glanced up just in time to see the next Dave come in and high five the old one,
phasing him out of existence. Stable time loops were a beautiful thing.
Hey, I’m calling it quits for now. That last Dave was a little uppity anyways.
You got ten minutes there, freebird. Just come back in time for me to peace
out.”
Dave sat down against the wall, cringing at the way the sweat made his shirt
stick against his back. He wiped another bead of sweat from his face. Oh,
great. His fucking glasses must have scraped the shit out of his face, because
either he’s sweating like a Technicolor troll idiot, or that’s blood. He pulled
his hand up into his sleeve and blotted at it with his hem. At least the shirt
was red too. Wait, who cares? Ten point six seconds later, his hashmap modus
barfed out a new shirt. Another twelve seconds later, shiny iShades dropped
cooly into his waiting hand. He peeled the sweaty shirt off and toweled himself
with it before carefully applying the new one.
Gross. Now he knows how Equius feels. Time for another shower, and then maybe
some fucking sleep. Almost forgot about that shit.
Other Dave walked in with fifty eight seconds left.
“Dude, that big blue guy is totally gonna help us out. With robots.”
“Why don’t I like where this is going?”
“He’s hella pissed now though. It might have something to do with my timing.”
“You know my timing is spot on, tied with my flow for perfection incarnate.”
“Well...”’
“Time for me to go, dude. You’ll figure it out.”
First Dave walked out the door, and Other Dave became the only Dave.
Wait...don’t trolls tend to flip their shit instead of help you when you piss
them off?
***** 2hiit ii2 hiitiing the fan, that much ii do know *****
“You are late.”
“Yeah II know II’m 2orry two keep you waiiting EQ.” Sollux threw himself in the
chair next to the hulking troll. He was so huge. Their arms rested against each
other. Sollux maybe thought he should’ve sat a seat away, to let the big guy
have some room, but getting up and moving a chair away would just be rude after
he was already sitting.
“I demand to know what kept you from this appointment.” Well, so much for being
polite.
“II… can’t tell you.” Yellow blossomed on the skinny troll’s cheeks. Equius was
so... direct.
“You will tell me.” He couldn’t possibly say he was in the middle of pailing
his matesprit. No. He would die of humiliation on the spot. And Equius would
probably die of dehydration from the ensuing sweatfest.
“II.. over2lept. II over2lept. II’m 2orry.” Sollux felt like his entire body
was on fire. There must not be a single part of him that wasn’t covered in
furious mustard blush.
“You are right to be ashamed at such a failure in foresight.” He could feel the
intensity of the stare from behind the mangled glasses.
“Geez, EQ, II’m 2orry. III diidn’t know iit meant that much two you. Iit look2
liike you got a lot of work done wiithout me.” By work, he meant making a huge
mess. Several of the smaller compuhusks lay in pieces, their networking fronds
twitching in shreds. Yeah, huge mess. He fired off a quick message on Trollian
to distract himself.
 
twinArmageddons[TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist[CG]
TA: tiime two wake up, you bulge-2uckiing pant2-wettiing wiiggler.
TA: do you even 2leep at all?
TA: iif you can pry your2elf off of Gamzee’2 bonebulge long enough, ii have the
record2 of alcheiimeter u2e compiiled for you.
TA: iit took all of two miinute2
TA: ii understand that 2omeone a2 feebly thiinkpanned a2 you wouldn’t even
under2tand how ii could accomplii2h 2uch a thiing. 2elect ‘hii2tory’. Cliick
‘priint’.
TA: ii also under2tand that iit would be iincrediibly diiffiicult two do much
of anythiing with your hand eternally 2hoved iin your pant2.
CG: HeY sOlBrO tHiS Is GaMzEe!
TA: why the hell are you… nevermiind. 2up GZ?
Oh shit.
CG: KaRkAt Is BuSy RiGhT nOw Is ThErE sOmEtHiNg MoThErFuCkIn ImPoRtAnT yOu WaNt
Me To TeLl A bRoThEr?
CG: MaYbE tHe BiTcHtItS pArT aBoUt BeInG oN mY bOnEbUlGe? :o)
Oh, man, why did he actually have to be the one to read that? It’s all well and
good to harass Karkat about that stuff, but Gamzee’s a totally different story.
He takes absolutely everything at face value. You can tell him that the load
gaper was clogged because Tavros made a giant solid gold turd in it and Gamzee
would be the first one there to marvel at it. Never you mind that robot rear
ends don’t shit, as far as anyone knows.
TA: ju2t tell hiim II have the record2 of alcheiimeter u2e ready
CG: OkAy He’S mAkInG uS bReAkFaSt
Seriously? That’s such a domestic thing to do, they are nook deep in old
matesprit territory, and drowning fast.
TA: GZ, can ii a2k you 2omethiing?
CG: WhAt DoEs A MoThErFuCkInG fInE iNvErTiBrOtHeR nEeD mE tO uNlEaSh ThIs MoSt
FiNe UnDeRsTaNdInG oN?
TA: iif that’2 a ye2
CG: mOsT aFfIrMaTiVe! BuT iT wIlL bE aLl MiRaClEs If I hAvE tHe RiGhT wOrDs To
AlL uP aNd TyPe WhEn YoU aSk It BeCaUse I dOn’T kNoW wHaT tHe QuEsTiOn CoUlD
pOsSiBlY bE.
Is it even worth asking? An honest, indecipherable answer is marginally better
than a dodgy neither here-nor-there answer.
TA: are you and KK mate2priit2?
He regretted typing it instantly. It was none of his business, and he was about
to close his palmhusk and delete the conversation when a response beeped its
arrival.
CG: SoLbRo YoU hAd Me So WoRrIed LiKe YoU wErE aLl CoUnTiNg On Me FoR tHe
AnSwEr To SoMeThInG rEaLlY hArD aNd ThEn YoU AsK sOmEtHiNg I cAn MoThErFuCkIn
AnSwEr WiThOuT nO ScHoOlFeEdInG aT aLl
CG: KaRkAt SaYs I hAvE tO gO dOg. :o(
carcinoGeneticist[GC] has ceased trolling twinArmageddons[TA]
delete conversation?Y/N
twinArmageddons[TA] has deleted this conversation
Damn it, damn it. Sollux cracked his bony knuckles and turned to the silent
troll next to him.
“2o, what are we workiing wiith here? Ii thiink you kiilled off mo2t of the
viiable part2 on tho2e two over there…”
“I may have been able to salvage more if you had been here on time.” He sort
of... hissed that through his broken teeth. Why the fuck is he so agitated?
“For the two miilliionth tiime, ii am 2o FUCKIING 2orry ii wa2 late! Ii don’t
need two do any of thii2 you know.”
Equius let out an actual growl before smoothing his hair with his huge hands.
It seemed to calm him? Ew, Nepeta must have to pet his sweaty head like that
after every single time Karkat talks. Or Gamzee. Or Eridan. Shit, he’d better
stop that line of thinking before he ends up pitying her.
“Such foul language is highly unnecessary. It would please me if you could
contain such peasantly unpleasantries until after you are e%used from my
presence.”
“What? You know, nobody care2 about that crap but you. Knock iit off already.”
“I… oh.”
Sollux prepared himself to have a long, begrudgingly blueblood-arousing
conversation about how he does what he wants, when he wants, when Equius
totally checked out of the conversation. Aradia had entered the room, a welcome
interruption.
“2up AA?"
“I brought this for you.” In her hand she had a collection of husktop keys,
including one familiar, recently violated space bar, and two coveted f2s.
“Thank2.” She squeezed his hand as she passed them to him. With her eyes she
motioned to Equius, who was dewy with a fresh sweat. Sollux could feel it
clamming up his arm. He appreciated the distraction, but he could have done
without the waterworks. He had a feeling it was going to end like this one way
or another though.
“I have to go for now, Sollux, Equius.” She gave a meaningful look to the
hulking blue troll. He made a move to touch her arm. She slapped his hand away
with a loud smack, then kissed him with teeth.
Gross.
“I trust you will be on your best behavior?”
“Yes, Ma’am.” He sounded unconvincing. Equius had decaptchalogued a towel and
begun dabbing at the moister regions of himself.
Aradia smiled her creepy little grin and left the two of them without further
conversation. Sollux bit back his comments about now who knows who’s place, and
shoved the keys in his pocket. They were having some sort of on-off
kismestitude, and Aradia promised that she would let him know whenever it was
officially back on. Apparently, Equius hated ‘things’ and ‘acts’ more than he
hated her, and she really only hated him sometimes. Having a matesprit was hard
enough; blackrom seemed overly complicated, and Sollux was glad to not be
having any at the moment.
Equius clenched his hands in his hair and let out a brief sigh as he watched
her walk away.
Who wants a kismesis anyway?
Sollux walked over to the pile of discarded parts and stuck his hand in the
exposed innards. He fished around for the central nodes and pulled them slowly
from the ruined compuhusks. At least they were still viable. Setting them off
to one side, he began carefully untwining silken infrastructure webbing from
thicker conduit vessels. He paused to unfold a delicate circada wing panel
whenever he came across one that was surprisingly unshattered. The only
survivors were both lefts, but maybe he could put it in the alcheimeter
backwards and end up with a right one? All of the moth-erboards were completely
useless. None of them were mature enough to have the computing power necessary.
Perhaps Kanaya could help make a paradox clone of a few of them and make some
sort of huge mutant processor?
“There are t001s for that sort of work.” Ah, so EQ had stopped hate-
daydreaming.
“Yeah, but iit2 ea2iier two ju2t grab them wiith my hand2.” His husk beeped.
The yellow blooded troll hurriedly wiped his hands off on his no-longer clean
pants and made it halfway to his pocket before one of the moth-erboards took
flight. Blue energy shot out to snatch it from midair as red pinned the other
to the ground before it got any funny ideas. The visceral lubrication proved
more stubborn than a quick pants-towelling would remove and the palmhusk popped
out of Sollux’s hand like a wet bar of soap. Tendrils of both energies cradled
it centimeters from the ground. Equius made some sort of scoffing noise behind
him and went back to his work. The psionic pulled it close and read the text.
carcinoGeneticist began trolling twinArmageddons
CG: I GOT CAUGHT UP IN SOME IMPORTANT STUFF.
CG: SO I’M NOT COMING TO THE LAB.
CG: JUST SEND ME THE FILE.
CG: AND DON’T YOU DARE CODE IT, YOU SELF-PLEASURING NOOKSTUFFER, BECAUSE IF I
CAN’T GET INTO IT WITH MINIMAL EFFORT AND HAVE TO COME LOOKING FOR YOU, I WILL
BREAK YOUR FACE IN SO MANY PLACES, THE LAST THING YOU WILL REMEMBER IS YOUR
FUCKED UP BRAIN LEAKING OUT OF THE CRACKS IN YOUR FRESHLY BIFURCATED SKULL
SCREAMING ‘I’M FREE, I’M FREE!’
CG: I SAID THAT TWICE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR OBSESSION. SEE, I CAN BE
ACCOMMODATING.
carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling twinArmageddons
He laughed out loud at the angry troll’s empty threats. Equius cleared his
throat and Sollux ignored him in favor of returning to his work. Oh man, this
was going to take a long time. Waaaaay longer than he originally planned. He’d
be holed up in here for days… maybe he could convince someone to bring up
dinner? Sollux couldn’t remember the last time he ate anything. His eyes
settled on the new coffeemaker. In pieces. Fuck. Oh, crap, Eridan. Someone had
to feed that hot mess, too. When the sounds of tinkering picked up behind him
again, he typed out a response psiionically. He wasn’t going to risk touching
his palmhusk until he had to. The lab computers were just so much … greasier
than his own.
twinArmageddons began trolling carcinoGeneticist
TA: iit’2 not liike you two be late.
TA: ii fiigured 2omethiing had come up, but ii hardly thiink your wilted gray
bonebulge count2 a2 ‘iimportant 2tuff’
TA: ii appreciiate your accommodatiion of my iintere2t2 iin the wiildy
iimprobable 2cenariio you pre2ented, 2o ii wiill agree two your condiitiion2,
but on my term2
TA: term2, becau2e ii requiire two thiing2
TA: Iif your iinfante22imal hackiing 2kiill2 are up two the challenge, you
wiill fiind the lii2t emaiiled two you a2 a locked attachment. The pa22word ii2
“2ollux Captor ii2 more awe2ome than Karkat Vanta2 at everything.” You have two
type iit a2 wriitten, before you tell me iit2 not workiing.
TA: Two expre22 your iimmen2e gratiitude for thii2 favor, you wiill one- feed
ED at hii2 block for the next two day2, and two- a2k me ab2olutely no
que2tiion2 about the fiir2t reque2t.
Would it be pushing it to make Karkat feed the both of them? Nevermind, it’s
not like he wants to touch anything edible with all that stuff on his hands.
The response beep surprised him.
CG: WHAT.
TA: plea2e reread the previiou2 2tatement.
CG: ARE YOU GRUBFUCKING KIDDING ME.
Man, he was bad at the second part, maybe he should have just requested dinner
from Mister I-Cook-For-Two-Trolls-Now? Too late now. Maybe just telling him
he’s already in violation would help?
TA: A lack of a query curl at the end of your 2entence doe2 not 2top iit from
beiing a que2tiion. II do have a partiicularly regrettable form of punii2hment
prepared iif you a2k agaiin. Regrettable for all partiie2 iinvolved, actually.
CG: AS LONG AS I’M TAKING YOU DOWN WITH ME.
Jesus he’s so annoying.
TA: ju2t go do iit KK
twinArmageddons has ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist
Sollux began sorting the transmittermites by size when his husk beeped again.
CG:??
carcinoGeneticist has ceased trolling twinArmageddons
Oh fuck no he didn’t. That defiant little grubfondler. Sollux walked over to
the corner computer and smeared the keys with a flurry of greasy strokes. Files
tokv-01ed.cam thru tokv-o4ed.cam deposited themselves neatly on Karkat’s
personal husktop. As an afterthought, he placed them in a folder named “2weet
New RomCom2 Ii Downloaded.” Eat that, loser. He became aware that the sounds of
construction behind him has ceased again. How long had they been here already?
Equius stood and shoved a towel forcefully into his hand. He tried not to
wince, and sopped the fluids off his fingers. Hey, there towels are pretty
absorbent… even when they’re… already soaked with sweat. Sollux was suddenly
not hungry at all anymore as he held the towel as far away as psionically
comfortable. Equius was looking at him.
“Uh, thanks, “ he squeaked. Change the subject, change the subject…“Do you have
a new 2hell ready?”
Equius gestured to a large screen, as wide across as his arm was long, on the
recently cleared counterspace. It was a patchwork frame of the large, flat
pieces of husk shell, riveted together with sleek panels of unknown metals.
“EQ, II don’t thiink the conduiit2 2trand2 wiill bond with anythiing
iinorganiic…”
“Do you take me for a f001?” Ugh, the way he said that.
He spun the back around and opened the access panel proudly. It was empty.
Sollux humored the big guy and looked closer. Lining the interior of the metal
expanses, a mosaic of shattered huskshell bits formed an iridescent membrane.
He ran his fingertips along it. Small sparks of red and blue ran along the
minute channels between the tiles when he tested the conductivity. It was
smooth and even; exemplary quality workmanship.
“EQ, I don’t thiink thii2 ii2 goiing two be ea2y. You’re got a really
beautiiful 2hell here, but iit’2 huge! Iit’2 goiing two take the iinternal
workiing2 of nearly every hu2k we have two buiild a large enough
iinfra2tructure. There’2 not a whole lot of place2 two anchor the proce22or2
and the 2upport net ii2 goiing two have two be completely rebuiilt from
2cratch. II don’t even thiink we have any fiiber2 long enough.”
“I do not think that will be sufficient…”
“What do you mean? II can totally do that, it’ll ju2t take a few day2, and II‘m
goiing two have two alchemiize new part2 and…”
“That is not what this is designed for.”
“Not what thii2 ii2 de2iigned for? It’2 a hu2k2hell. Iit need2 computiing
power, and two do that, iit need2 an iinternal web. Even KK know2 that much
about computer 2y2tem2!“ Sollux stared at him dumbly.
“Yes, a standard shell would require such treatment. Simple machines will not
do here. Biomechanics are my area of e%pertise, and that is what I have made.”
“Geez, EQ, Ii know you’re really good at thii2 2tuff and II’ll admiit that
iit’2s really iimpre22iive but we don’t exactly have unliimiited re2ource2 and
nothiing here ii2 really capable of poweriing 2omethiing liike---“
“We already have everything we need. The machine simply requires a more comple%
living processor.”
“ A… more complex liiving proce22or.” He didn’t like the sound of that, or
whatever look Equius was giving him from behind his broken shades.
“How complex are we talkiing?” Sollux casually put a little distance between
himself and the blue sweatbomb.
“It is somewhat inferior to the s001bot I created for Medigo, but not
significantly so. That is why I requested your cooperation. Also, that is why
this is so much larger than a standard husk.”
“II 2ee.” This is suddenly going in a very bad direction.
“With the use of your ---“
“Oh, is he gonna put you in there?” Dave’s voice interrupted from the doorway.
The two trolls froze and turned to face him.
“Do not interrupt---“
“You’re right, he’s sooo not gonna fit in there. Better trim him down. Want me
to go find that chainsaw lady?” The human casually pushed off from his slouch
against the doorframe and invited himself in the room.
“ Anyway, blue boy, I’ve got something to ask you about…”
“If you continue to disrupt so forcibly, I may be coerced to---“
“THAT’2 ENOUGH!”
Equius took a step forward and Sollux exploded in a panic. He threw the huge
troll back with a burst of energy and made a mad dash for the transportalizer.
Like hell was anyone hooking him up to anything like a fucking battery! He
stumbled on the lip of the pad, and crashed onto the floor of the zodiac room.
He spit a bloodied fang on the ground and was rubbing his cut lip when he heard
the whine of the pad flaring up behind him. He scrambled to his feet and threw
himself bodily onto the Gemini platform.
Good move Sollux. You went straight to the first place they’d look for you.
He silently moved though his block, towards the rear exit. He opened the door
and barreled into the hall, red and blue energy crackling around him as a
warning to anyone within sight. The hall was empty. Sollux took a deep breath
and shut and locked the door of his block. He changed the password for good
measure, then psionically flung open the door across the hall. Karkat’s block
was empty. Sollux closed the door behind himself and listened. When he was
certain there was no one moving around, he crept across to enter Gamzee’s
block. Glow in the dark posters of harmlessly terrifying clowns stared at him
from everywhere. He had meant to search for the entry to the vents that Gamzee
had used perigees ago, but all the walls were covered now, and he’d leave
evidence. Shit. Without a second thought, he shut the door and walked to the
middle wall of Karkat’s block. He’d have to hole up in Karkat’s secret room.
Even though he changed the password daily just to fuck with him, there was a
chance that the angry troll would find him. He’d have to be … dealt with
immediately so as not to alert the others. Sollux hoped it wouldn’t come to
that. He punched in the password, and while the door was still open, he
hurriedly changed it to a random sequence that he’d probably not even remember
himself. The door slid shut behind him, and the only sounds were his panicked
breaths and the steady hum of his beehouse mainframes. He didn’t hear any voice
in the back of his mind screaming out the details of his demise. White noise
gave way to a frantic chuckle. Fuck yeah, he’d totally escaped. Take that, you
snooty blue son of a bitch! He’d just lay low until someone talked some sense
into that obsolescently-idealed, hoofbeast-fucking, overpowered giant blue
nookstain.
Wait.
Aradia knew he and Equius were alone in the lab. She had to know his
intentions. She knows everything before it happens. And she knows Equius. Dave
knew they’d be there too. The computer they were building was for them- a
machine with enough power to communicate with the other humans. Who cares about
sacrificing an alien to talk to far-flung members of your nearly extinct
species?
But, she’s his moirail. And he’d like to consider Dave a friend. Why else would
he have agreed to help?
Karkat didn’t show up at all. He just tossed in an ambiguous excuse.
Are they all traitors?
His husk beeped. He threw it across the room. Fuck, no, he wasn’t talking to
anyone until he got his head around the situation. Right now, that head was
currently throbbing with overuse and a profound lack of sleep, which he would
not be fixing anytime soon. Fucking dream bubbles. He’d have to figure out a
way to hide if the meteor drifted through one.
Aradia would probably know the second he entered one.
Fuck, she’s his moirail, for crying out loud. If he can’t trust her, then who?
At least the Ampora problem was addressed. No death on his hands for that one,
it’s all on Karkat now. Wait, why does that even matter?
Oh, and his head… The psionics fizzled out and gave way to darkness as Sollux
curled in on himself and wrapped his arms around his head. In the space that
his skinny arms couldn’t cover, Sollux watched one of the errant moth-erboards
float by, flaunting its newfound freedom. Damnit, those things weren’t viable
long outside of a web. He’d have no problem recapturing it right
after
he
Sollux nodded off, pressed between the wall and the mainframes.
***** nobody likes Vriska anyway, right? *****
Chapter Notes
     This chapter is super triggery. It warrants all of the best worst of
     all the warnings. Like all of my other potentially offensive
     chapters, this one has a summary at the end so you can still enjoy
     the story without all the scrumptious gory detail.
     But really, aren't you curious?
See the end of the chapter for more notes
So angry, he was so, so angry. He just wanted to fuck something.
Fuck something UP. Up.
Equius shook his head to clear the depraved monologue. He’d worked so hard to
get the two of them on this project together, and now it was just… ruined. His
whole day was fucked. That filthy word made him even angrier. When did he even
start thinking that way?
He growled at the human boy in the doorway and barrelled past him. Why? Was he
going after Sollux?
No.
He found himself deep in the corridors, with no real sense of where he wanted
to be going. He was nearly on the other side entirely when he saw someone
around the corner.
With unmistakable horns.
His heart beat pounded in his chest. The events of the early morning had left
him feeling unsettled, and then this… Equius rubbed the burn on his forearm. It
was nothing, really, that would not heal. Nothing compared to what his own
robots had done to him. But it was still an irritation, much like this day was
becoming.
Much like this troll was becoming.
He did not think when he decaptchalogued a towel and started down the hall.
F001ish girl, bent over a chest, counting boondollars as if they were worth
anything at all.
He had no trouble at all wrapping the towel around her head before she noticed
him. Being the Heir of Void was not an aggressive skill, rather, it allowed
someone of his formidable size to travel completely unnoticed. It was a
predator’s skill.
“What the- HEY!” Vriska’s voice was muffled through the terrycloth. He wrenched
her arms back and tied them there with a broken bow. Funny how those things
seemed to turn up everywhere. Seeing it wound tightly around her bruising gray
wrists sent a rush of adrenaline through his body. She kicked at him with all
her stength; glancing blows, really. Surely she must know who her attacker is
by now, and how little her struggle matters.
He tightened his grip on the towel and shoved her head first inside the trunk.
She let out a shriek as her face came down on the unforgiving metal. Her back
bent at an uncomfortable angle, and suddenly she was upside down. Her heel
found his jaw, but lacked the leverage to give the blow much force. Even so, he
pinned her head down with one arm, and caught the offending foot with the
other. She continued to fight, trying to free herself from his iron grip.
Equius found himself less concerned with her futile efforts, and increasingly
more concerned with watching the folds of her nook press against her thin pants
as she braced her foot against his shoulder.
It had been a long time since had seen any action, really.
He stopped holding her head down and caught her other leg. He held it pinned
against his side and traced a claw along the lips. This uncouth female was not
wearing undergarments.
“What the FUCK do you think you’re-“
Towels make excellent gags. They also soften the feel of any sharp teeth
viciously biting from the other side. He was pretty sure he broke a fang or two
out of her smug little mouth. She landed a kick to his nose. He grunted in pain
as fresh blood dripped off his lip and spattered on the splay-legged troll in
his grip. The pattering of the dripping liquid on the wet fabric whispered of
more… erotic things.
Equius removed his belt and bent her one leg at the knee. He slipped the belt
around her ankle and thigh, and pulled it tight. While she continued to thrash,
she could now do very little to harm him. He stroked her opening through the
fabric again, the folds opening and closing once against his touch. She made a
frenzied bit of growling as he pinched them. He hooked a claw in the fabric,
and simply tore open the crotch of her pants. Back already arched, she
desperately squeezed her legs together in an attempt to protect herself. Equius
easily pried her legs apart and inspected her opening. Her seedflap was taught,
her bulge fully sheathed. His however, was throbbing and straining against its
confinement. She glared daggers at him from behind the rumpled towel, silent
but indignant.
He met her gaze expressionlessly. He simply raised his hand and stuck her nook.
Not nearly as hard as he would have liked, but he was not done with her yet,
and it would do no good to ruin a perfectly good nook. At least, not like that.
He watched her folds tremble with stimulation, and take on the color of her
inferior shade of blue. She let out a few choked sobs, and the fight slowly
left her body as her strength was expended. What a disappointing show of
prowess she had given. He let her legs go and he carefully stepped out of his
shorts. He made certain to stay in view of the eye that was uncovered in her
thrashings. His thick bulge was starting to emerge. The tip pressed and
squirmed against the blue-soaked front of his briefs, filled out to the point
of straining already. He stepped out of those as well, and her murderous look
swelled to one of disbelief as he lightly stroked his bulge, and it eagerly
emerged. He was truly embarrassed by its size when he was alone, but it did
have an... e%ceptional intimidation factor.
She shook her head violently as he smacked her nook once more. He supported his
huge girth with his hand and guided it to her opening, and slicked the rich
royal color over the thin, weak cerulean of her watered down aristocratic
blood. He plunged the tip into her wastechute. She thrashed and arched her back
sharply, and against her wishes, her nook convulsed and shone with a trickle of
lubrication. Her bulge just crested the edge of her seedflap, but it was
enough. Her body expected the stimulation. He withdrew from her ass and slowly
slid his bulge into her nook. He felt the upper reaches of her cavity just
halfway inside, but he knew there was more room. He grasped the tip of her
stalk and pulled. Her scream was audible around the gag as her still dry sheath
skin dragged along itself. He pushed in as her bulge was extracted, filling the
space inside her , keeping it from slipping back. She made great wailing sobs
as he slowly sunk into her, coiling his bulge and stretching her further than
she was meant to go. Did she think anyone was coming to help? Leaning forward
until the constriction on his bulge grew uncomfortable, he grabbed her head in
one hand. He slammed it off the pile of glimmering boondollars, robbing her of
her consciousness. Her legs flopped to the sides, spreading her nook as wide
open as it could be. Throbbing and writhing, his organ pressed outward against
every surface of her insides. He buried himself to the hilt with a squelch. His
body sang the praises of his globes grinding against the base of her bulge.
Cerulean tentacle flopped passively against their mass. He fingered it idly
before abandoning in favor of his nook. It did not take much to send him over
the edge, filling the defiled cavity to overflowing. He withdrew, and his spent
seed gushed out in thick spurts, spreading blue stains down the thin orange
fabric. Vriska stirred sluggishly. She weakly spat the gag from her dry lips.
“I’ll see you burn in hell!”
“It is you who has burned yourself," he snapped, backing away. "Do you still
wonder what it is like to be one of my ‘toys’ as you put it? You wonder what it
is like to feel what Tavros does? Allow me to enlighten you.”
Equius slammed the lid of the trunk closed, the metal edge crushing through her
waist before cutting clean through her spine. The top dented down from the
force. She screamed from within the case, her lower body dangling sickly from
tendons and fabric. Cooling blue material dripped down her leg. She was still
screaming as he wiped his bulge off on her tunic. He undid the belt around her
leg, and the lower half of her body fell away from the trunk with a thud. She
might have still been screaming as he redressed himself. Being cut in half must
feel terrible. The only pity he felt was that he hadn’t lacerated her windsacs.
Hands in pockets, he made his way to his own block.
Nearly there, someone ran into him.
“Oh, shoot, I didn’t sea you there. Sorry, Equius!” She patted his arm gently
and walked quickly past, wearing a peculiar yellow and black cloak. Curious.
He was really going to have a lot to discuss with Nepeta, post haste.
Chapter End Notes
     HOLY FUCK. JUST.
     WOW.
     SO EQUIUS KILLED VRISKA. BITCH HAD IT COMING IF YOU ASK ME.
     PLEASE APPRECIATE MY APT CHOICE OF WORDS BECAUSE COME WAS INVOLVED.
     I'LL SPARE YOU THE DETAILS BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING TEAT-NURSING
     HUMAN CRYWRIGGLER WHO DOESN'T HAVE THE DIGESTIVE SAC OR SHAMEGLOBES
     TO HANDLE IT. VRISKA'S CUT IN HALF, EQUIUS GOT HIS ROCKS OFF
     SOMEWHERE IN THAT MESS, AND GOODNIGHT EVERYONE BECAUSE THIS SHIT SHOW
     IS OVER.
     D--> I merely punished her for her imp001ite treatment of Tavros.
     NOBODY FUCKING ASKED YOU.
***** seer showdown *****
Chapter Notes
     Here is a new chapter! I am officially ahead of my beta reader now,
     so I will try very hard not to spray typos and bastard punctuation
     everywhere.
“So… you think I’m doing something wrong? Or that I should just give up and
move on?”
Nepeta lay on her back, knees drawn up to her chest. She tossed a green koffee
can up in the air, pawing it gently when it came back down before sending it
right back up. The Mayor squatted by her side in a most concerned manner.
Concern over the conversation, or concern over the giant cat monster invading
the city and tossing around the low-income daycare center like a ball of yarn,
it didn’t really matter which it was.
“Maybe you’re just not aiming for the right quadrant?” Rose adjusted the tall
twenty-four ounce energy drink cans that served as the front columns of the
City Hall. She had sincerely not wanted their garish colors on such a
prestigious building, but Dave had made a convincing argument promoting the
creativity of community sanctioned graffiti. It went something like ‘Terezi’s
gonna draw all over it anyway.’
Rose had a weakness for a well-argued point.
“Well… I’ve shipped us in all of the quadrants, but---”
“Silence in the courtroom! I heard there’s some contention over the hobby store
I just proposed?”
Terezi walked in, cane flailing. The oliveblood turned to her mid-sentence. A
well-aimed 'errant' swing of the cane smacked the can midair, and the Mayor
scrambled to make a prize-winning catch and save the daycare center from being
dented on one side. Nepeta rolled over to watch the can, and a loose strip of
fabric on the Carpacian’s garb wavered tanatlizingly. Nepeta was instantly
after him. The mayor ran for his life, but also for his town, holding the
daycare center out in front of him with both hands. He headed for the outskirts
of town where a tacklepounce would not require massive taxes to be levvied for
repairs.
Well played, Seer of Mind.
Two can play that game.
“Yes, Miss Pyrope. I strongly feel that if the citizens are denied the
existence of a ‘severity of the punishment fits the severity of the crime’
legal system, they deserve a right to purchase a full spectrum of crafting
supplies.”
“Are you still going on about that? I even complemented your clever use of the
can tabs as gravestones for the condemned.” Her smile looked significantly less
than complementary.
“I appreciate your sincere flattery, but we will settle this publicly. We will
vote in the Mayors... impartial and wise presence, and a simple majority will
decide the fate of the disputed shopping venue.” The seated Seer drew herself
up to full height, smoothing her gown. It looked like someone may have to help
untangle a certain city official from a certain feline-enamored troll.
“It’s a little boring, but sure, I can agree with that." Terezi tapped her foot
agitatedly. "No matter what the Mayor decides, no recounts will be permitted,
and the issue will not be brought to the town council again, okay?”
“You are very resolute on your stance in this matter. Very well, we shall see
whose proposal wins favor with the Mayor. What do you say, fifteen minutes from
now?”
“Your paltry slapdash presentation may suit your needs, but I prefer to gather
my comrades to present my side in overwhelming clarity. I will crush your
ignominous opposition. We’ll do this in one hour.”
“Agreed, but I will also have more time to prepare.”
“H4h4h4! You’ll never be ready for what I’m bringing.” Terezi marched out of
the room, twirling her cane.
Success. The craft store belongs to you now, Rose.
Terezi won’t be available in an hour.
End Notes
     EDIT 7/1/14
     Trying to climb back in the saddle on this one. I'm so sorry to all
     of you for falling off the regular updates wagon. I expect this thing
     to run around 70 chapters in all. The good part of that is I know
     where it's going, how it's getting there, and some of those chapters
     are floating around partially written already! The bad part of that
     is it will be a while before they are all done. Please stick with me
     if you like my story! I promise more excitement and more pailing!
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